


Abandoned

by starrynightfantasies



Category: Loki laufeyson - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A little tiny mention of non-con but not really, Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Fennie, Fenrir - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hel - Freeform, Imagine Loki, Just Add Kittens, Kitten, Loki's Children - Freeform, Mythology - Freeform, Playing With Mythology, Triggers, jörmungandr - Freeform, mention of suicide, sleipnir - Freeform, trigger warning suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-03 18:17:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 43,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynightfantasies/pseuds/starrynightfantasies
Summary: Based on this imagine-Imagine Loki witness a person abandoning a pet, he pays little heed at first, humans, of course, are fickle creatures, but on hearing the human use words like "runt" and "worthless" something in him stirs. Looking into the box human has dumped the animal in, he realises it is a small black furball.





	1. Chapter 1

Three hours. Loki had exactly three hours of free time before someone would come looking for him. That's what Stark had told him, anyway. 

Ten minutes ago, Loki stood in Fury's office rolling his eyes as Stark droned on and on about what he was  _not_ allowed to do while he was out on the town alone. It seemed the only thing he _was_ allowed to do was walk. And even that might get him into trouble if he walked in the wrong direction. Still, no matter how stupid Stark's threats sounded to him, he was very much looking forward to his time outside the tower. It had been almost five years since Loki had arrived, and he had never been out unless he was shackled to his oaf brother. 

He had earned this tiny shred of independence. 

As he strolled down the sidewalk as inconspicuously as possible, dressed in simple jeans and a Black Sabbath t-shirt he had begrudgingly borrowed from Stark, he wondered what there was to do. Midgard was so  _noisy_ , but it seemed to him there was nothing really happening. Nothing but anxious minions running around doing their master's bidding. It made him wonder how the mortals would have reacted to being under his rule, even if he hadn't truly wanted it in the first place. 

The feeling of being free; not being heavily chained and surrounded by guards, was strange after all the time he had spent as a prisoner. The "Battle of New York," as the humans liked to call it had been a little over five years ago, which was not very long in the grand scheme of Loki's lifespan. But being held captive in Tony Stark's dwelling was far less glamorous than most people realized.

Loki had been taken to Asgard to face Odin only to be sent straight back to Midgard a few weeks later. Everyone in Asgard believed him to be imprisoned in the dungeons. That was, after all, the logical solution to Odin's problem son- lock him up for life. However, Nick Fury believed Loki would be an asset to the Avengers-  _if_ he could learn some impulse control. Loki still had no idea what that meant. 

Fury and Stark had brought in psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotists, and some of  _the best_ neurologists Midgard had to offer, but Loki managed to scare them all away within a matter of minutes. He hadn't even  _tried_. 

Each one of the psychologists had come in, asked him a few questions, and bolted for the door upon receiving his answers. Same with the psychiatrists. The hypnotists had not been able to do their jobs because Loki had hypnotized  _them_. Fury still thought he'd done it on purpose, but he hadn't. He'd done exactly as they asked- stared into their eyes, watched the pendulum, and the next thing he knew they were in some kind of trance. When they finally came out of it, they too ran for the door without looking back. 

The neurologists had been a different story. Loki's anxiety was palpable when they asked him to lie down on that little table. And when they told him he would be lying inside that cylindrical tube for up to forty five minutes, green light shot from his fingertips involutarily, and the neurologists quit too. 

At that point, Fury felt there was no hope for Loki. He was "untreatable." 

He was a god who didn't measure up in Midgard because he was untreatable. 

An Asgardian who was worthless in Asgard because he was actually a Frost Giant. 

And a Frost Giant who didn't belong in Jotunheim because he was a runt. 

Evidently, Loki didn't belong anywhere. 

Those were the thoughts that plagued his mind as he walked around Manhattan, aware that he was still being monitored by the bug Stark had implanted in his wrist, but not really motivated to escape. He didn't really care anymore. He was just glad he had somehow met Fury's rigorous behavior standards so he could have a few hours alone every once in a while. 

 

_"Worthless little runt."_

At first, Loki thought the voice had come from his own mind. After all of the legitimate medical professionals had run for the hills, Fury suggested he work closely with Dr. Banner. Fury thought Bruce might be able to provide Loki with some anger management techniques since he had been through quite a bit of therapy himself. Loki hadn't meant to reveal his secret- that his biggest nemesis wasn't actually Thor, but  _himself_. But it was difficult to hide anything from Bruce. The truth was, he heard things like that all the time. He'd tried not to listen to that "inner voice," as Bruce called it, but it was almost impossible. 

_"I don't know why I ever adopted you in the first place. Look at you. Sniveling little shit."_

At that point, Loki knew the voice wasn't in his head. It was someone closeby. He didn't know who was at the receiving end of those comments, but he intended to find out. 

_"Destroying my curtains and everything else in the apartment. Now at least I'll be through with you. Good luck surviving out here on your own."_

There was a rough male voice grumbling in the next alley, and Loki snuck around the corner to take a peek. 

 

The man was dressed in jeans and a tattered sweatshirt, and he was peering into a cardboard box in his arms. The expression on his face was hard and cold, and Loki said a silent prayer to whatever god ruled the Midgardians that he didn't have a human child inside. 

As Loki watched, the man tossed the box into the nearest dumpster and walked away. The cruel grin on the man's face made Loki want to disembowel him, but in deference to Fury's rules, he refrained. And as soon as the man was gone, Loki ran to the trash receptacle to see what was inside the box. 

There was a scratching sound, along with a muffled  _hiss_ as he gingerly lifted the box from the bin.  _At least it's not human,_ Loki thought. He was unprepared for what he found, though because upon opening the lid, he found a tiny black fur ball with big bright gold eyes. 

"You're just a kitten!" 

The kitten mewled loudly and leapt out of the box and onto his chest, latching its sharp claws in his t-shirt. 

Loki stood stock still for a moment with his arms out to his sides. He had absolutely no idea what to do. He couldn't just  _leave_ the kitten there to die; alone and afraid, especially after what he had overheard from that pathetic mortal man who'd dumped it. But he knew bringing the kitten back to the tower would cause such a rift, he would never hear the end of it. 

The tiny black fur ball was staring at him, digging its claws deeper into his chest and giving him the most pitiful, pleading look. 

 _Worthless little runt... worthless little runt... worthless little runt..._  

Loki heard the man's words over and over in his head as he stared at the kitten. He reached one hand down to touch its back. 

It was so  _soft!_ He rubbed the kitten's back with one hand until it settled; still hanging on the front of his shirt. Then, almost against his better judgement, he reached his other hand down. As the kitten released its grip on his shirt, it seemed to fall limp into his hands, and Loki could feel himself giving in to its charms. It had been  _so long_ since he took care of anything or anyone other than himself, and he hadn't done such a great job at that. 

The others liked to think that Loki was incapable of love, but little did they know that before the ruckus on Midgard, he had been a father. Of course, like Loki, his children weren't exactly what the Asgardians considered  _normal_ , but he had protected them with everything he had. That is, until Odin took them all away from him. The All-Father had claimed that Loki produced his children by "unnatural means," and they must be sent away. The truth was, Loki had been in love. His children were  _his_. But he never knew the reason for their uniqueness until he found out about his own. By that point though, they were gone, and their mother had been banished as well. Loki had lost everything. 

He stroked the kitten's back, taking comfort in its soft purr. It almost reminded him of baby Fenrir's tiny growl...

Suddenly, Loki didn't care what the others thought. He was taking the kitten back to the tower. There was  _no way_ he would abandon such an innocent creature. 

 

The kitten wriggled in his arms as he walked, and Loki spoke softly to it, hoping to calm its nerves. He knew it had to be afraid. After all, it had been ripped from its home, yelled at, tossed into a dumpster, and ultimately rescued by a complete stranger. Not to mention the unspeakable things that might have happened to it  _before_ it was abandoned. But Loki couldn't allow himself to think about that. Otherwise, he would turn around and hunt that worthless mortal man down. 

As he entered the elevator, he realized that his free day had been cut short by about two hours, but he didn't really care. What was he supposed to do in Manhattan all alone, other than pull pranks? He almost thought they  _wanted_ him to get into trouble. That way, they could lock him in his room. That way, they wouldn't have to face him. 

"What are you doing back so soon, dark one?" 

Bucky was sitting at the kitchen counter nursing a cup of coffee when Loki emerged from the elevator on the fifth floor. He liked to call Loki various names, but the two had some things in common. No one  _really_ trusted either of them. Well, no one trusted Bucky except for Steve. And  _no one_ trusted Loki. So, they became uneasy friends. 

"I got bored. No one to kill," Loki said, deadpan. 

Bucky laughed, knowing that's exactly what the rest of the team would think. 

A mewl came from Loki's hands, and Bucky looked up from his coffee. 

"Dude, is that what I think it is?!" 

Loki shot Bucky a warning glance and walked toward him. 

" _Shhhh..._ I just rescued it--" he held up the kitten's tail -- " _her._..From a dumpster." 

Bucky cooed at the kitten, stroking her fur. "You found this baby in a  _dumpster?_ " 

Loki's lips flattened into a thin line. He didn't feel like talking about what he had witnessed. Anyone who would abandon a helpless animal the way that man had...

"Yeah. Something like that." 

 

"Reindeer games! What the hell are you doing back so soon? Already got yourself in trouble, didn't you? Are the police on their way?" 

Loki gritted his teeth to keep from snapping back. Diplomacy was his friend right now, he knew, but it was just  _so hard_ sometimes. 

"Do you honestly think your mortal security teams could catch me? I know you were keeping tabs on my whereabouts the entire time. Did you see anything out of sorts, Stark?" 

"Enough," Fury barked. "Loki, what's the deal? There must be a reason you returned  _two hours early._ So help me, if you did something, I will send your ass _straigh_ _t back to Asgard_ and you know what will happen!" 

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose, just like Banner had taught him. He was thankful his hands were full and hidden behind the counter at that moment because he didn't know what he might have done otherwise. Any time Fury was angry at Loki, he threatened him with Odin; knowing that the  _thing that would happen_ is Loki's execution. 

Suddenly, the room was full- Romanov, Banner, and the soldier walked in at the sound of Fury's bellowing. 

"What's going on?" Banner asked softly. As much as Loki detested his alter ego, he'd come to like the man himself. He was easy to be around; soft-spoken and calm. 

"Loki came back early, and everyone is freaking the fuck out for no reason," Bucky muttered. 

Steve shot him a look, but he ignored it. 

"There's always a reason with this guy. You just haven't been around enough to know that yet," Stark said. 

 

Everyone was quiet for a moment- staring awkwardly at Loki, but he didn't bother speaking. He knew he couldn't defend himself even if he hadn't actually done anything. They were against him, so he was automatically in the wrong. 

A tiny mewl escaped from his hands, and Loki schooled his face hoping no one had noticed it. His initial plan had been to take the kitten straight to his bedroom and hide it from everyone. However, none of his plans ever really worked the way he thought they would. 

"What the hell was that?" Fury asked. 

"For fuck's sake, just show 'em, Loki. Until you do, they're gonna think you did something awful," Bucky grumbled. 

The kitten poked her head out from between Loki's fingers, and let out a long high wail. 

"Oh  _hell no_ ," Stark yelled. "You can't bring that thing in here!" 

Loki pulled the kitten to his chest in a protective gesture. "She was being abused, Stark. The worthless mortal abandoned her in a dumpster...left her to die in a cardboard box. How was I supposed to leave her there?"

Natasha looked at Stark, then at Loki. "You  _rescued_ a kitten?" 

"Of course I did. How could I not? Look at her...she's completely helpless. That's why I came back two hours early." 

Loki stroked the kitten's back and smiled as it began to purr. Natasha grasped Stark's arm, pulling him away from the group. 

 

"You had better let him keep that kitten, Tony.  _Look at him_. I have never seen him be affectionate with anyone or anything," she whispered. 

Fury joined them, but said nothing for a few moments as they all watched Loki and the kitten. He cradled her next to his face, whispering to her and gently pet her ears.

"Are we _sure_ that's really Loki? I mean, he didn't hoodwink the bug in his wrist and take off, did he? Leaving this... _cat lover_ in his place?" Fury mused. 

"Nah, that's him. And I think you should let him keep her. This will be good for Loki. You're always telling me to find some way to keep him calm and occupied. Well, this is it," Bruce interjected as he strolled up beside them.

 

Steve, Bucky, and Loki stood around the kitchen counter while the others talked. The only reason Steve was still in the room was to keep Bucky from getting himself into trouble. He was tired of all the drama around the tower. Bucky, however tended to let his emotions get the best of him, and ended up in more fights than Steve cared to admit. It seemed his friend had taken Loki's place as the main instigator in the group. 

Steve stood watching Loki and wondered how he had stumbled on the kitten in his little journey that afternoon. Loki wasn't very forthcoming, so he was surprised when the god started to talk. 

"I think I'll call her Fennie-- after my boy, Fenrir. I lost him so long ago..." he muttered sadly while rubbing the kitten's ears.

"Oh, your cat in Asgard?" Bucky asked.

"No. My son." Loki looked up at the two of them and his eyes clouded for a second. "I was a dad once. My children weren't  _accepted_ in Asgard, so they were sent away. I never saw them again. I still have no idea what happened to them."

Bucky didn't say anything else, but he looked at Steve as if asking for help. 

 

"Tony---" Steve started, but Tony and the rest had been eavesdropping. 

"I know, I know. I heard.  _Fine._ Keep the cat. Just... don't let her crap on my carpet." 

Natasha slapped Tony on the shoulder. "You old softy! I knew you'd come around! Now, what you  _should_ do is let Loki use the rest of his time out to get some supplies. He needs cat food, a collar, a litter box..." 

 

Loki looked up suddenly, having forgotten the need for so many accessories. 

"I have to get all of those things  _today?"_

"Hey, can I go? I used to have a cat...a long time ago. I can help you find what you need," Bucky whispered hopefully. 

 

"Tony." Steve jerked his head toward Loki and Bucky, "I'm taking these two out to get necessary supplies. They'll be safe with me." 

"Take the kitten with you," he replied. 

"We will,  _dad_ ," Bucky mumbled. 

 

 

Later that night, Loki lay on his back in the center of his bed. Fennie ran around the room chasing illusions of mice while Loki laughed. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to _not_ feel alone. Later, she curled up next to him and fell fast asleep. Loki pulled her close to his chest so he could feel her soft purr and smiled. 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"So, is it Pet  _Smart_ or  _Pets_ Mart? And can you purchase animals here? Why do mortals need a store for everything? Why don't you have just  _one_ place?" Loki asked. 

He was staring at the  _Petsmart_ sign as they headed across the parking lot, and Steve already knew this would be a trial for him. 

"I think it's just Pet _smart_. Like, you're smart for shopping for your pets here," Bucky replied. 

"But like I said, wouldn't it be prudent, er _smart_ , to have one store for everything?" Loki countered. 

"Have you ever  _been_ to Petsmart, Loki? It's  _huge_. There is no way you could fit all of that shit inside Wal-Mart with all of the crap they already have." 

"What in the Nine is Wal-Mart?"

"Can we  _just go inside_ please?" Steve said through gritted teeth.

His patience with Loki and Bucky was running short, especially after a half-hour bus trip across Manhattan. They'd had to hide Fennie inside Loki's backpack, and Loki hadn't been thrilled about that. He had peeked into the bag every time he thought no one was looking; making Steve paranoid that they would get caught. Plus, Loki and Bucky acted like a couple of miscreants; making fun of everyone and everything they saw. Steve was surprised they hadn't started mooning passersby. 

 

Loki cradled a sleeping Fennie to his chest as they entered the store, and Steve noticed that he looked around as if someone might try to snatch her away at any moment. He was amazed at how attached Loki was to the tiny kitten. 

"Okay, you definitely need a collar in case she gets lost," Bucky pointed out as soon as they walked inside. 

Loki's eyes were suddenly filled with fear, and Steve had an urge to comfort him. He reminded himself that Loki had lost  _children_. It was no surprise now that the god was dark and bitter. He wondered, not for the first time that day, what Loki might have been like before. Before such a devastating loss. How had he even  _lived through that_? 

"That  _cannot_ happen. I will not let her out of my sight." Loki looked down at Fennie, and he smiled sadly. He couldn't lose her. He spent far too much of his time wondering where his lost children were. And they certainly were not as defenseless as she was with her tiny hiss and her sharp, but brittle claws. 

"It's alright. We'll find her a suitable collar... and we can even put her address on it!" Bucky said cheerfully. He glanced at Steve, almost as though he hoped he'd said the right thing. Steve gave him a subtle nod. 

Loki seemed placated by that for the moment, so they went to the collar section where Loki began to browse. 

A few seconds later, Loki approached Bucky with what appeared to be a black leather dog collar. 

"So  _this_ is where they constructed your... _costume_." 

"Ha. Ha. Very funny," Bucky replied. "You know man, I could say the same for your," he rolled his eyes, " _armor,_ if that's what you want to call it. Although I have never seen any gold plated goat horns here." 

Loki huffed, but gave him a smirk and Steve let out a breath. He never really knew if their teasing would get out of control- or if one of them would take it the wrong way and try to kill the other. It hadn't happened yet, but they were both volatile even when they weren't being provoked. 

 

At some point, Fennie had woken and was climbing up Loki's chest, using her claws to anchor herself to him, but he didn't seem to mind. He simply looked down at her endearingly and spoke to her as if she understood him. 

"What do you think, Fennie? Will you wear a green collar?" He held up a dark emerald collar studded with gold sparkles. Two tiny gold bells hung from its clasp. 

Fennie immediately reached her paw out to bat at the shiny bells, and Loki chuckled when she nearly toppled from his chest. His big hands caught her without incident, and he continued to dangle the makeshift toy in front of her as they walked to the next aisle. 

Loki looked up at Steve; his expression wistful. 

"Fenrir was so intelligent. He would answer me. He spoke just as you and I do. If only they'd taken the time to talk to him, things might have been different..."

Steve stopped walking and gave Loki his full attention.

"Loki, why...I mean... What did they not like about Fenrir? About your children?"

Steve's heart beat in his throat as he waited for the god's response. He knew he was treading on thin ice but he also felt Loki _needed_ to talk.

Loki sighed. "Fenrir was- _is_ \- a giant wolf; with extraordinary strength. The Asgardians were terrified of him, but they needn't have been. He really had no intention of hurting anyone. And all they had to do was _ask him._  He was as gentle as this kitten," he said, looking down at Fennie.

Steve didn't speak. He wanted Loki to continue, and he knew that anything he said could be held against him.

Loki took a breath as if steadying his nerves.

"Jormungandr is a serpent. He is also very, very large... and I suppose he's intimidating, but... he's my child, and he never did anything to deserve being banished. None of them did. They weren't like me..."

Loki thought of their mother- of the way she'd reacted to his 'monsterous' children- and he remember with painful clarity why he had loved her so much. She had  _loved_ them. Oh how she'd loved them. To her, they were perfect. It would have been compassionate for Odin to banish them all together- so they could still be a family- but Odin would have none of that. They were flung to opposite ends of the Nine Realms, never to see each other again. His daughter was the only one whose whereabouts were known, and even that information was given to him just to hurt him. He knew where she was, but he was not allowed to visit. Only the dead were allowed.  _One day, Hel. I promise._

"And Hel... She was the one who suffered the most," he shook his head, "I'm... I can't talk about this anymore, Captain."

It had been a long time since Loki had really thought about the details surrounding his childrens' disappearance from Asgard, and he'd forgotten just how much it hurt to do so. Talking about it was just that much worse, but he was thankful that the soldier hadn't really commented. It was a testament to his character that, upon finding out that Loki had a giant wolf and a serpent for children, he did not even make a face. Loki suddenly had a lot more respect for the man. 

"So, what next? I, um... never had to have these items before, so I don't know what I'm looking for," Loki said.

He hoped they understood that neither Fenrir nor Jormungandr required a collar or a litter box- whatever  _that_ was. And Hel was closer to the Asgardian aesthetic than he was, really. He just didn't realize it at the time. 

"You definitely need a litter box. And some toys!" Bucky said excitedly. 

 

 

"Wait. You're telling me that I have to  _scoop feces out of this thing?_ " Loki asked; incredulous. 

"Um... yeah. How did you not know that? Cats poo. And when they do, they don't clean up after themselves," Bucky replied with a chuckle. 

Loki looked down at Fennie, who was sitting haphazardly on his shoulder. She had managed to crawl all over him during the short time they'd been in the store, but Loki didn't seem to mind. Evidently her claws pierced his clothing, but never actually hurt his skin. Steve watched in amazement as the little razors dug holes in every available surface of his shirt, but Loki didn't seem to feel anything. 

"Not to change the subject or anything, but how does that not bother you?" 

"What?" 

"Fennie. Clawing all over you. If she did that to me, I would be bleeding. Heavily," Steve remarked. 

Loki smirked. "Have you forgotten already? I am a god! Fennnie's meager- yet adorable- claws cannot pierce my flesh, mortal." 

Bucky doubled over laughing, which made Steve laugh as well. 

"Well, it's a damn good thing because there would be blood all over Tony's carpet and hell to pay!" 

Steve was glad to see some of Loki's sass return after the conversation they'd just had. He'd looked so forlorn, Steve almost regretted asking about his children, but now he seemed back to his old self. 

 

Just then, a pretty brunette wearing a red  _Petsmart_ apron walked toward them, and Steve watched as both Bucky and Loki put on their best flirt faces. He rolled his eyes.  _These two._  

"Are you looking for a litter box for that cutie?" She asked. 

"Yeah. He's been having accidents all over the rug," Bucky joked, nodding toward Loki. 

" _Very_ funny, but we both know I have had over fifteen hundred years of practice, so the more likely culprit would be you, Barnes." 

"Okay, okay... _yes._ We are looking for a litter box for the  _kitten_ ," Steve amended, giving Loki and Bucky a look of utter frustration. 

 The confusion disappeared from her face immediately, and was replaced by a flirty smile- directed at Steve. Both Loki and Bucky seemed to notice because they began vying for her attention. 

" _I_ was showing Lo- um, Larry here, the litter box I used to have...for my cat who recently passed away," Bucky mused sadly. 

Loki rolled his eyes so dramatically, it was amazing he could still stand up straight. 

"Oh, I had no idea your massively obese feline had finally dropped. Please do accept my  _deepest_ condolences," he crooned sarcastically. 

The sales clerk was looking back and forth between the two of them as if she had no idea what to say. Finally, she muttered an  _I'm sorry for your loss_ and began pulling litter boxes from the shelves. 

"Have you considered an automatic?" She said; a bright smile fighting for dominance over the awkward look in her eyes. 

 

 

As they walked away, Bucky was still babbling on about the amazing technological advances in feces collection while Steve carried Fennie's new automatic litter box. 

"Seriously, Buck? Your  _recently deceased cat_?  _That's_ how you planned to win her affections? That cat died fifty years ago," Steve laughed. 

"Well  _she_ didn't know that," Bucky shrugged. "I think she felt sorry for me at first."

"And why did you call me 'Larry'?" Loki asked. "Do I look like a  _Larry_ to you?" 

Steve and Bucky both burst out laughing at Loki's expression. He was obviously offended, but neither really understood why. 

"Well, I couldn't very well tell her who you  _really_ are, could I?" 

"Honestly, I can't believe no one has recognized you," Steve mused. 

Loki looked thoughtful for a moment, and Steve wondered what was on his mind. In the past when the team had been out together with Loki tagging along, Steve had expressed concern about people recognizing him, but Fury shrugged him off. He seemed to think that Loki deserved whatever backlash he got from the public, "up to and including public beatings." Steve did  _not_ agree with him. No one deserved that kind of unwanted attention. He knew exactly how raucous human beings could be when they were in groups, and even though Loki was practically indestructible, it was just  _wrong_. 

 

Loki had suddenly remembered how people reacted to him when he'd first come back to Midgard after his trial. It hadn't been pleasant. Fury, of course, had known about it all along, but he hadn't bothered to let anyone else in on the secret. So when he arrived; shackled and muzzled, dragged into the tower by Thor, the first thing he heard was Tony's voice.  _What the fuck is he doing back here?_  

The others hadn't reacted any better. Natasha had expressed a different concern. She actually thought Loki would  _assault_ her, and evidently so did the archer. He stood vigil outside her bedroom door for at least a week after Loki arrived, even though Loki wasn't allowed outside  _his_ _own_ bedroom. He was kept in solitary confinement for several months "to make sure there weren't any incidents."

Loki blinked a few times to clear the memories away. Just thinking about those months locked away in his room- being offered strange Midgardian food through a hole in his door, the team hurling insults at the walls as they passed- put him in a dark mood. 

 

"You mentioned toys?" Loki asked somewhat solemnly. 

 

"Yeah. Cats need toys,  _Larry_. They love to jump at stuff," Bucky answered. 

 

 

Upon entering the overstuffed aisle of cat toys, Loki forgot everything he'd been brooding about. Suddenly, the only thing that seemed important was finding the perfect toys for Fennie. 

"Look at her!!! We must get this one!" 

Loki had found a pink feathered puff ball on a stick, and as he shook it at Fennie, she jumped and mewled. It seemed that  _he_ was more excited than she was. 

The next one was a bouncy ball that Fennie chased down the aisle until Loki scooped her into his arms again; deciding that they needed that one too. 

In the end, they spent more money on toys than the collar, engraving, and automatic litter box combined. But, as they walked out of the store, Loki mused, "I suppose I could just turn into a cat myself... then we could play together, couldn't we darling?" 

Steve looked at Bucky behind Loki's back; a silent question hanging in the air. 

"Um, did you say  _turn yourself into a cat?_ " Bucky asked. 

"Yes, why not?" Loki answered; still gently stroking Fennie's head. 

 

"Oh, this I have to see... Not one, but  _two_ cats running around the tower. Tony will lose his mind." 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as they were outside the store, Steve called Tony to beg for a ride back to the tower. There was just no way the three of them were going to make it back with all of their purchases  _and_ a kitten in tow. Tony hadn't wanted to let a  _critter_ inside any of his vehicles, and neither had Fury, but when their situation compromised the team, they relented, deciding prejudices weren't as important as security. 

When Tony arrived, he parked Fury's SUV in the fire lane and opened his window to find Loki and Bucky standing on the sidewalk playing with Fennie. The two of them each had a different toy- both covered in ridiculous feathers and bells- and were teasing her until she batted at either. Whichever toy she chose was considered the "winner." 

"Oh hells bells, Steve. Don't tell me they're  _both_ in love with her."

Steve simply smiled and called for them to load up. 

"Okay, before we leave- Did you get a litter box?" Tony asked Loki. 

" _Of course_ we did, Stark. Isn't that why we came here?" 

"It's an automatic!" Bucky said, excitedly. 

 

 

 

When they reached the tower, Loki began assembling the  _feces collector_ , as he called it, as Tony stood over his shoulder. Tony's constant stream of comments about Loki's mechanical abilities was starting to wear on the god, but he kept his mouth shut for Fennie's sake. He knew that one wrong word would be enough reason in Tony's eyes to make him change his mind. 

"I could make this better. I could make this  _so_ much better," Tony remarked. 

Loki rolled his eyes and turned to look at the metal man. 

"And  _why_ would you bother making a 'shit box,' as you so eloquently referred to it,  _better_ Stark?" 

"Because I can," Stark replied haughtily.

 

 

 

Two hours later, Fennie's litter box not only automatically rid itself of soiled litter, it also refilled itself with state-of-the-art, biodegradable litter that had been reprocessed through a filter that Tony had added himself. 

"Sheesh Tony, were you that bored?" 

Loki looked up to see the archer standing in the doorway of Stark's laboratory. He wasn't too comfortable with Clint, not only because of the way he'd reacted when Loki had first arrived, but because of the way he continued to badger Loki.

Loki had made a solid effort to apologize to the archer after using his scepter to control him during  _the battle_ , even going so far as to offer to do his bidding for several days- basically what Clint had done for him. Even though the things Clint had done were a far cry from what Loki would have to do.

It was completely against Loki's nature to do anything of the sort, but Banner had suggested the offer as a way to 'heal relations with those he hurt.' However in the end, the archer hadn't accepted, and Loki now realized he would simply have to put up with whatever verbal abuse Clint could throw at him. 

"I am simply offended by inferior technology, Barton," Stark replied. 

" _I'm_ offended by the fact that the _prisoner_ gets to have a pet." The archer glared at Loki. 

Loki rolled his eyes.

Bucky had been standing in the corner watching Tony in awe, but now wore a scowl. 

"Wait.  _This_ is inferior technology?! I had to  _scoop cat shit by hand!_ This is a masterpiece!" 

"It is now," Stark said without humor. 

 

 

 

Loki hadn't been joking when he said he would turn himself into a cat for Fennie's sake. In fact, later that night, he ended up doing just that. But it wasn't because she wanted to play and had exhausted all of her options for toys. They had bought  _loads_ of cat toys.

Loki had given her a dish of milk in hopes that she would calm down enough to allow him to rest. However, as soon as he tried to turn the lights off, she began to whine. 

"What's wrong darling? Is your bed not comfortable?" 

Steve had laughed at Loki for choosing ' _the single most ostentatious cat bed in the store,'_ but Fennie was his baby now, so he could do what he wanted. Besides, prisoner or no, Loki had money. He  _was_ a prince after all. 

Lifting Fennie from her bed, Loki cradled her in his arms and noticed that she shivered. It broke his heart. He knew she wasn't cold- her body was as warm as a tiny heater. So she must be frightened. 

"What can I do, love? You're so tiny...and you must miss your mother. To be quite honest, and only because I know you can't tell anyone, I miss mine too." 

A bit of Loki's hair hung down close enough for Fennie to reach, and she rubbed her face against it. It was then that Loki realized how he would calm her nerves. 

"I may not  _smell_ like your mother, but perhaps I can  _feel_ like her?" 

Loki set Fennie down on the duvet, made sure his bedroom door was locked, and concentrated all of his Seidr inward. Seconds later, Fennie had a very different sleep mate; a black long-haired cat with piercing green eyes. Laying down next to her, he gently brushed his newly formed paw over her back and she curled into his side and fell fast asleep; purring the entire time. 

 

 

 

 _"Loki!"_  

Someone was banging on his bedroom door. 

_"Come ON, man...let me in. I want to play with Fennie too!"_

Bucky. 

Bucky was banging on his door, and he was still in cat form. And Fennie was already at the door, scratching to be let out.

 

"He shouldn't have his door locked in the first place," Stark muttered. "I can fix this." 

_Oh Hel._

The lock tumbled, the doorknob turned, and the door was open. 

Loki was on his feet, but that was all he could do. Evidently, cats were very sleepy creatures. He hadn't counted on that. His eyes were glued shut, his back was arched, and he stretched involutarily. Yawning as wide as his mouth would open, he forced himself to focus on the scene around him...

 

"Why the fuck are there  _two_ cats in here? And where the  _hell_ is Loki?" Stark yelled. 

Suddenly, there were Avengers  _everywhere._ In a panic, Loki tried to answer, but all that came out was a low hiss, so he leapt off of the bed and did his best to concentrate on returning to normal. 

"Is he  _missing?_ How the  _hell_ did he get out?!" 

" _FUCK!_ I  _knew_ this would happen!" 

 

 _Natasha...Clint...Bruce...Steve..._ Some of them were kinder than others- realizing that there must be something else going on; something besides the immediate conclusion that the 'supervillain' had escaped. Loki idly wondered how long that reputation would last... or if it would last forever. Would he ever shake it here on Midgard? 

 _Focus._  

The voices all ran together while Loki gathered the magical energy he needed, and a few seconds later, he was standing on two feet again and fully capable of answering them himself. 

" _Norns_. Calm down. Why would I try to escape without her? I fell asleep trying to comfort her..." 

 

 

In the relative silence that followed, it was Bucky that finally spoke- through a fit of laughter. 

"You- you... You really did turn yourself into a--- a  _cat_!"

He howled and doubled over in the doorway. No one else was amused, the least of all Tony, who was glaring at Loki as if he had insulted his mother just before bragging about sleeping with Pepper. 

"You're damn lucky I didn't push the fucking  _panic button_ , Loki. If I had, we would have the Air Force swarming the tower right now, and I can't promise they would let you live afterwards," Stark shouted.

Loki merely rolled his eyes, knowing Stark would rather saw off his own dick than  _not_ be the hero when something bad happens- like his escape from the tower. Tony wouldn't call the military unless it was the absolute  _last_ option. 

"Sure, Stark. We all know you'd never call them. You would rather risk your life and everyone else's to play the hero," Natasha muttered. 

Loki was certain Stark didn't hear her because he didn't react, but Loki  _had_ , and he could definitely use more leverage in this place. He cocked his eyebrow at her, subtly letting her know that she had been heard. 

 

 

"Now that the panic is over, can you all just back out of my room? This has all been a bit of a shock for poor Fennie," Loki said; rolling his eyes yet again on the word  _panic_. 

Stark stepped closer to him. "Wait just a damn minute. Are you telling me that I'm going to have to put up with  _two of you_ running around here destroying property?" 

Loki looked confused for a moment, so Bucky interrupted. "Oh, I don't think _Fennie_ will destroy anything."

When Loki looked up at the soldier, he felt a stab of jealousy as he realized that Fennie was curled up in Bucky's arms. Bucky stroked her fur as she lay against his metal arm.

Then he had a completely different thought... at least if the Air Force  _did_ gun him down,  _someone_ at the tower cared about Fennie almost as much as he did. Although the likelihood of any Midgardian weapon having that kind of firepower was slim. 

 

 

 

Hours later, after Loki had played with nearly every toy Fennie possessed; and Bucky had decided that the laser pointer was _definitely_ the best one, they sat in the common room watching the tiny kitten eat her weight in cat food.

Loki had wanted to buy her the best he could find, even asking the sales people if they had anything better than _Fancy Feast_ or 'this Midgardian gruel you feed your varmints.' In the end, he'd only managed to piss off everyone he came in contact with, so Steve and Bucky made the final decision; painstakingly explaining every ingredient listed on each brand so Loki knew he was giving Fennie the best possible nutrition. 

"So James, may I ask you a question?"

Bucky knew that Loki only used his first name when he was about to ask him a  _very_ serious question, or piss him off royally. He braced himself for impact. 

"Uh, yeah... I guess." He closed his eyes and waited, knowing Loki had a tendency to say things in the _worst possible way._

"You said you had a cat, and it...passed a long time ago, correct?" Loki muttered.

"Yeah, man. Why?"

"How long... I mean, did it live a good, long life?"

Loki was almost stumbling over his words, which was completely out of character for him. He was always sharp as a tack, and Bucky didn't know where this line of questioning was going.

"Well, if I remember correctly- I mean it _was_ a long time ago, Loki- she was around fourteen years old when she died. Old age. Nothing too terrible. She just... didn't wake up one morning. But I knew it was going to happen soon. She was having a hard time walking... her joints were achy... sometimes I had to help her up..." 

"That's _enough_ ," Loki interrupted. He wasn't being harsh, but Bucky could tell he was upset. 

"What did I say? I don't... _oh._ Oh, I get it. That's such a short time for you. I guess I shouldn't have told you." 

Loki looked down at Fennie, who was still slurping up wet food. Why did everything on this planet have to be so fleeting? Human lives were so short, but he had never considered feline lives would be _even shorter_. He smiled sadly for a moment, but decided if she only had fourteen years, he would make them the best fourteen years _ever_.

"No, I'm glad you did. It just means I have to make the most of my time with her. Or find a way to stop her aging. I doubt Idunn's apples work on felines though."

 

 

 

Suddenly, something hit the countertop in between them. It was one of Fennie's fluffy kitten toys. Loki looked up and scowled at Stark, who was standing in the kitchen; a tall glass in one hand and Fennie's laser pointer in the other. 

"Hey, you know I can make every one of these toys better, right?" Stark yelled from the kitchen. 

Loki rolled his eyes at Bucky. Stark was always completely oblivious to serious conversations happening around him. He just barreled through the area like a rolling cannon. 

"Let's let him do it. Fennie deserves the best," Bucky grinned. 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you think she knows she's a-d-o-p-t-e-d?" Loki spelled out the word. "Or should we...have that conversation?" He asked the room at large while absentmindedly sending a laser beam across the room for Fennie to chase. 

He noticed Romanov's sideways stare at Barton. It was as if she thought he were a bit loony for asking. 

"Well I don't want her finding out on her own like I did, now do I? Because we  _all_ know what happened next!" 

Bucky began to shake with silent laughter before the rest of the team started to cackle. 

" _What is so funny? She deserves to know, doesn't she?_ " 

 

"Dude, she's a  _cat."_ Stark walked in, shaking his head. 

"Yes, and I'm a  _monster_. But if you think that made any difference, you're wrong. It still hurts when your family lies," Loki muttered. 

 

Stark wasn't listening. He handed Loki a small gadget that almost resembled one of Fennie's fluffy cat toys. It was still fluffy, but it now had some gears and LED lights. 

"What is this?" Loki wrinkled his nose in confusion. 

Tony pulled a chair over next to the god and sat down the wrong way. His legs were sprawled on either side of the chair back. Evidently, this was very comfortable for Tony, but it drove Loki  _insane_. Why couldn't he  _just sit the right way?_

"It's Fennie's toy. Only better," Stark said haughtily. Loki rolled his eyes. 

"Now it will  _hide_ from her. She'll have to find it. And when she  _does_ , it will light up. It will reward her!" 

Tony looked so proud of himself, but Loki was skeptical. How did he know for sure that this thing wouldn't hurt her? After all, Stark was famous for making weapons, not cat toys. 

"If you don't mind, I believe I shall be the first to test it." 

Stark looked confused, but only for a second. When he realized what Loki had planned, he started to shake his head. 

"Oh no... no, no, no. I allowed  _one_ cat in here. I'm not going to deal with a- a fucking  _god cat_ too." 

 Loki laughed, holding his arms out and smirking at Stark. 

"What exactly are you going to do, metal man? Toss me out on the street? Because I would not be opposed to that."

 

Actually, Loki  _would_ be opposed to that  _now_. Now that Fennie was there with him, he couldn't just leave. But none of the so-called heroes believed that Loki cared for anyone or anything besides himself, so his little lie paid off. Tony backed down, and he was able to test the toys before he gave them to Fennie. After all, they wouldn't harm him, but if she walked away with  _one hair_ on her body misplaced, Loki would make sure Tony Stark couldn't walk for a month. 

 

Loki winked at Tony and before anyone knew what had happened, there was a black cat standing in a pile of Loki's discarded clothing. Fennie recognized him immediately; running toward him and rubbing her face all over his body while Loki stood there looking smug. Stark shook his head in mock disdain. On one hand, he was pissed off that he would likely be cleaning up messes all over the tower because of Loki. But on the other hand, he was feeling a bit... jealous. And that pissed him off even more. Why the hell was he jealous of  _Loki_? 

Because it must be so freeing to be able to turn yourself into an animal. Just for a little while. To assume zero responsibility for anything other than yourself. Although, Tony doubted Loki assumed responsibility for anything on a regular basis. That is, until he met Fennie. 

Fennie, who was now chasing after Loki. They were  _both_ playing with his enhanced toy.  _Great_. 

As Fennie chased Loki and Loki chased the toy, Stark heard the elevator  _ping_. He smiled to himself, knowing exactly who it was. 

 

"I had no idea you were a cat person, Tony!" 

Thor's voice boomed through the hall before anyone could get a look at his face. Evidently, he had already seen Loki and Fennie in their wild chase for the toy. 

"Well, you see... one of them isn't really a cat," Stark said with a hint of self-satisfaction. He thought for  _sure_ this would settle the Loki-as-a-cat debate. Thor would just put his foot down.

Thor watched the two felines for a moment before realization showed on his face. 

"Wait... you don't mean... _Loki!_ " He bellowed Loki's name, and the larger of the two cats came to a halt, staring up at Thor as if he could claw the big man's eyes out. 

Two seconds later, Loki stood before them- on two feet. 

"Dear Norns,  _what?_ I'm just having a little fun with Fennie here. What could possibly be the problem with that?" He rolled his eyes. 

 

 _Fennie_.

Thor remembered that name. It was the nickname Loki had given Fenrir when he'd been small. Of course, Fenrir had never been tiny like the kitten Loki was playing with now, but his brother had always treated him as if he were an _actual_ baby- something to be protected at all costs. Thor didn't quite understand how Fenrir had come into being, or how Loki always managed to see the vulnerabilities of the beasts he loved so much. Perhaps he saw a bit of himself in them? Thor would never really know, but seeing Loki playing with something so soft and breakable made Thor wonder if he had seen Fenrir in the same way.  

 

"Loki, is this  _your_ cat?" Thor asked incredulously. 

Loki glared at him as if he had asked something much more offensive. 

" _Yes_. And Stark already said I could keep her, so don't think you can come in here and--" 

Thor held up a hand to stop him. "I am not going to take her from you, brother. It was merely a question. Do they know what happened the  _last_ time you turned yourself into an animal?" 

Thor started to laugh, and Loki charged at him with every intention of knocking his brother to the floor. 

"So they  _don't_ know about Sleipnir!" Thor guffawed. 

" _Shut. Up. Thor._ " 

 

"Who's Sleipnir?!" 

Practically everyone in the room yelled at once, and Loki wanted to stab his brother so badly, he had to grind his teeth to stop himself from pulling the hidden dagger from his boot. 

"Odin's eight-legged horse," Thor replied without missing a beat. Though Loki was glaring threateningly at him, he didn't seem to care. 

It took the others a few moments before anyone spoke, but Tony managed to put two and two together. 

" _Woah_ , big guy! Is that...  _another_ one of your... offspring?" 

 

Loki didn't bother saying anything. He simply scooped Fennie up from the floor and stormed off to his room. He had no use for the taunts he knew he would receive. None of them knew the  _real_ story anyway- not even his so-called  _brother_. 

Odin had told everyone that his son had "found" Sleipnir and "given" him to the king as a gift, but that was a lie. As it turned out, Odin was almost as good at lying as he was. No one knew that Odin had forcibly  _taken_ Sleipnir from Loki the moment he'd returned to Asgard with the foal. The king didn't want anyone to know that his _son_ had given birth to a horse- even though it had been his own fault. 

As he lay there stroking Fennie's fur, he tried to calm himself down, but he could hear the laughter coming from the other room. It wasn't easy being the butt of everyone's jokes. Fennie seemed to feel his tension. She lay perfectly still and gave the sweetest purrs as Loki tried to slow his racing heart. 

All too soon, there was a loud knock on his door and he knew who it was without asking.  _Thor_. 

"Fuck. Off. Thor." 

He came in anyway, as he always did. 

 

"Why didn't you tell them about him? You told them about the rest of your...offspring," Thor muttered, knowing Loki was  _beyond_ pissed. 

Loki's dark emerald stare was almost blank, but Thor knew there was a storm brewing behind those eyes. Loki gently set Fennie on the bed; petting her head once more. Then, whipping his head around to look at his brother, he stood abruptly. 

"The story  _your father_ told you is a  _lie_. The one where he asked me to help him find a way to distract the giant, and I decided I just couldn't live without turning myself into a mare and fucking the giant's stallion?  _Lies_. The story about how I returned to Asgard to gift him with a lovely eight-legged foal because I  _loved him so much?_ What do you think, Thor?" 

Loki was across the room standing toe-to-toe with his brother. He'd never told Thor the real story. Then again, he'd never told anyone. 

" _Lies_ , Thor. Odin  _told_ me that if I didn't find a way to distract that work horse, I was as good as  _dead_. And my intention was not to have sex with it. My intent was to lead it away, confuse it, and possibly use a spell to make sure it was unable to find its way back. Unfortunately for me,  _your father_ didn't like the way I distracted the stallion, so he trapped me with the beast. I couldn't get away." 

Thor started to speak, but Loki held his finger to his lips, unable to stand his brother's lame excuses for Odin. 

"He made sure I couldn't get past the wall that led through the forest. I saw him there, laughing as the beast caught up with me. Then, after I had lived as a mare for months; carrying Sleipnir- learning to  _love him as my own son-_ Odin was there to take him away from me. He said he didn't want the good people of Asgard finding out about my...deviances."

Loki watched as Thor's mouth moved, but no words came out. He was thankful for that moment. At least he didn't have to listen to the hastily constructed defenses Thor usually threw at him. 

"Do I not have the right to be angry when you walk in here and bring up my son's name without preamble? Knowing you will only make a crude joke at my expense?"

 

Thor didn't have a chance to answer. Loki had already turned to the bedroom door, but stopped before opening it. 

"Bucky? Have you been eavesdropping?" Loki asked when he saw the soldier's face peeking through the small crack in the door. 

Loki wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of anyone hearing the conversation that had just taken place. Although he was certain Thor had already told his own version of events before walking in the room.  _Oaf._ As he looked at Bucky, he saw a softness in his face that hadn't been there before. 

" _Well?"_ Loki prompted impatiently. 

Without answering, Bucky stepped through the door and wrapped his arms around Loki in an awkward hug. 

"I'm sorry, man. I just...I was walking to my room and... Well, it sounded like you needed a friend." 


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky didn't know what Loki would do next. He didn't know if the god would simply shrug away from him, or hit him, or throw him against the wall... But he'd been hit before. Not by a god, but by super-soldiers. He'd been hit, slapped, punched, beaten, thrown down stairs, electrocuted... the point was, he wasn't  _afraid_ of Loki. He just didn't want to offend Loki.

The god's body went rigid, but he didn't make any sudden movements.  _So, no hitting. That's good_.Bucky thought. 

Loki's arms were down at his sides, and Bucky noticed that his shoulders were tense- so tense Bucky couldn't imagine how he managed to turn his head. He idly wondered if Loki walked around like that all the time. It was a long moment before Loki moved, but Bucky continued to hug him; knowing that Loki probably hadn't had any real friendly physical contact in a very long time. Finally, the god dropped his head a half inch. 

"Are you going to stay like that?" Loki asked, almost threateningly. 

"Do you want me to let go?" 

In truth, Loki didn't, but he couldn't very well  _say_ that. He was shocked that anyone would actually  _touch_ him, much less risk hugging him. He was armed to the teeth and even if he wasn't, everyone believed he would kill them where they stood. Evidently, Bucky either didn't believe that, or he had a death wish. 

"If you two are going to kiss, I'm leaving!" Thor bellowed from the opposite side of the room. 

Loki's body tensed again, and Bucky let him go. Before Loki could respond, Bucky stalked toward the bigger god. 

"Do you  _ever_ shut the  _fuck up?_ You claim to be his brother, yet you can't go  _one day_ without finding some way to humiliate him in front of everyone here! You need to go out there and make up for this. If you were any kind of brother,  _you_ would be the one hugging him,  _even if he didn't hug you back._ That's what brothers do." 

Thor didn't respond. He shouldered past Bucky and slipped out the door without saying anything to Loki, which is exactly what Loki had expected. 

 

"You're wasting your breath on him," Loki muttered. 

Bucky was pacing back and forth; obviously angry at the confrontation. 

"Has he always been so...inconsiderate? I mean, what you just told him... I shouldn't have been listening. I'm sorry, man. I really am. I didn't  _mean_ to. I just- when I saw you leave the room that way, I was coming to see if you needed to talk, and I heard you. I just felt so..." 

Bucky turned to look at Loki with an undefinable expression. 

"Your life...it hasn't been easy." 

Loki scoffed, "Suits me. I was born a monster." 

"Monsters don't rescue kittens, Loki. That man who was abusing Fennie-  _he_ was a monster.  _You_ are no monster. Now, can we go play with her and forget all this bullshit for a while?" 

Loki nodded, smiling for the first time in half an hour. 

 

 

Fennie had been curled up on Loki's bed sound asleep, so Bucky poured some food into her bowl and waited. They both knew she would smell it and wake up with renewed vigor.

They didn't have to wait long. A few seconds passed before a black blur flew through the hallway and skidded to a stop in front of the bowl; wolfing food down as if she had been starving for days. Loki folded his big body into a crouch and stroked her back while she ate, taking pleasure in watching her arch against his hand. It made him feel good knowing  _something_ needed him, even if no  _one_ did. 

"Hey, you should do the thing again..." Bucky chuckled. 

"I think you just want to see me naked," Loki smirked. 

"Dude! You  _have fur!"_  

Loki suddenly wondered if he could stand being a cat forever if he had to. Then he decided that if Fennie needed him to be a cat, he could. Only for Fennie. 

"I suppose I do, but I'm still naked." 

"Fuck, man, you just ruined it." Bucky shook his head in disgust. 

With that, Loki closed his eyes and transformed. He enjoyed chasing Fennie around in this form anyway. At least she couldn't outrun him when he was feline. 

 

Loki chased Fennie around the Avengers' living quarters, leaping up onto the counters, diving under the tables, and jumping over everything in between until Fennie finally darted under the couch. Unfortunately, Loki was too big to fit, so he resorted to trickery to get her back out. At first, he stalked around the edge of the sofa, letting out soft mewls as if he had no idea where she could be. When she poked her head out to look at him, he gave chase once more. 

The fun ended when he heard Tony's voice. 

"Watch out, Fennie. I hear Loki has quiet a  _way_ with quadripeds..." 

Loki's sudden anger caused him to loose control of his Seidr, and before he knew what was happening, he was standing on two feet again. He glared in Stark's direction, pulling a dagger from the hidden compartment inside his pants. 

 _"That's IT!_ I will not stand by while you continue to mock me! Especially when you don't even know what you're talking about!" 

His feet were carrying him toward Tony, but Tony didn't look concerned at all. He looked... amused? 

Then, Loki heard Natasha laughing. 

_"What is so funny?"_

Loki was seething. These mortals had a way of making him so angry, he felt he could light every single one of them on fire and walk away without a backward glance. The thing was though, he only  _felt_ that way. He knew deep down that he would never actually  _do it_. They were too simple of mind to punish for their insolence. 

"Um, Loki? You.... you... still have ears..." Bucky whispered. 

 _Ears?_ Loki reached up to feel his head. His eyes widened as he felt a furry protrusion atop his head. It did seem as if everything was in surround sound, but he was used to having extra sensitive hearing. 

 _At least Bucky has the decency to be discreet_. 

"And a t-t-tail!" Natasha wailed. 

 _That one, I_ could _douse with gasoline._ Natasha had been a constant thorn in Loki's side since the moment he set foot on Midgard. As far as menaces went, she and Stark ran a very close race. He  _detested_ her. 

 

It was then that Loki felt something tugging at his back. He turned just in time to see Fennie with her tiny jaws clamped down on the end of his now  _very_ large black furry tail. 

" _Fuck!"_

 

Loki scooped Fennie up from her place in the floor, allowing her to keep his tail between her tiny teeth. He was done with the idiot mortals in the common room, and now he needed to find a way to get  _rid_ of this new addition to his body. He had never dealt with extra parts before. He'd had  _missing_ ones, but never  _extras_. This was going to take some time. 

Bucky watched Loki leave the room with a scowl on his face. It was almost comical how his face contrasted with the furry ears and tail.  _Almost_. Bucky didn't  _dare_ laugh though. It was clear that Loki was done with everyone at the moment. Unfortunately, he had taken his favorite "person" with him. Fennie had become Bucky's favorite too- aside from Steve. Actually, if Bucky were honest, sometimes Steve wasn't a whole lot of fun. He idly wondered what Loki would do if he tried to go talk to him. Then he decided that he didn't really have anything better to do. Making the  _God of Mischief_ angrier wouldn't fuck up his day too badly. 

 

When he knocked on Loki's door, he received the exact response he expected. 

_"Fuck. Off."_

Loki's voice was muffled, and Bucky wondered what he could be doing, so he stood there for a moment before deciding to try again. 

"Loki? It's Bucky. I just...I wanted to see if Fennie wanted her toy?" 

Quickly, so as not to blow his cover, he ran to grab Fennie's toy from the floor in the common room before Loki had a chance to open the door. To his dismay, Loki was already standing there with the door open when he returned, watching him with an amused smirk. 

"You didn't come to see me. You came to see my cat." 

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Yeah. That's what I said, isn't it?" 

"Go to Hel, Barnes," Loki muttered, but he stepped aside to let Bucky in nonetheless. 

 

Bucky smiled. For whatever reason, Loki's insults were never offensive to him. They were just amusing, and he even found that he  _enjoyed_ them. 

"What are you doing in here anyway? Are you just hiding?" 

Loki spun on his heel and faced Bucky; his eyes blazing. 

" _No_ I am  _not_ hiding! I'm trying to get rid of this blasted  _tail!_ " 

Bucky laughed. "So, you're keeping the ears then?"

" _NO! Gods, are you trying to piss me off more?"_  

Actually, Bucky was just bored. He needed some interraction that didn't include planning another mission- especially if  _that_ included talking about whether or not he would end up in the same room with Hydra's minions.

"I've never seen your...magic get fucked up like this. What happened, man?" 

Bucky tried his best to be more sympathetic with his questioning so Loki wouldn't throw him out. He really was enjoying the little game he had going with Fennie. He would drag her toy across Loki's bed, and Fennie would shake her butt and run at it. It was the cutest thing Bucky had seen in a long time. 

 

"The metal man pissed me off, and I just...lost control. He should never have made a comment like that. Suggesting that I would  _ever_ take advantage of  _her_..." he cast a look down at Fennie. "She's like my..."

"I know, man. I know. She's like your kid, right?" 

Loki didn't answer, but Bucky knew he was right. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Tony whispered, "Loki has  _children?_ Children that he can't locate?"

Steve nodded solemnly. He hadn't been too upset about the way everyone treated Loki until the most recent incident. However, he felt intensely uncomfortable knowing how Loki felt about his kids and allowing the others to continue mocking him. It was just  _wrong_. 

"Yeah. There are four that I know of, but I think there may be more. But like I said, Loki doesn't know where they are. He only knows where Sl- Sle- the horse is." 

Steve put his hand on Tony's arm. "And that little joke you made? Bucky told me that Loki  _carried_ the horse. He's the  _mother_. Evidently, Odin caused that somehow. Bucky wouldn't go into the details. Said he didn't want to betray Loki's trust."

"He didn't want to... _what?"_

"Can you blame him, Tony? Look what happens when the people in this tower get one  _speck_ of information. Loki hasn't been to dinner with us in three days! I'm surprised he hasn't killed you."" 

 "He won't come to dinner because he has ears and a tail!  _Not_ because of what I said. Come on, Steve. Do you honestly think Loki is  _that_ sensitive? This is the guy who tried to kill everyone on the planet," Tony scoffed. 

"Yes, well...except Bucky said he got rid of those on the first day. Not too long after the incident in the common room. He's avoiding us. It has nothing to do with the cat parts." 

Steve didn't  _like_ defending Loki, but he was doing it for Bucky. He knew Bucky felt a connection to Loki, and no matter how much he didn't like it, Steve understood it. People tended not to trust Bucky, and it hurt him even if he knew why they didn't trust him. Bucky had always been extremely empathetic, so it didn't surprise Steve that he had taken up with Loki. He just hoped Loki didn't drag him down. 

 

 

 "Are you ever planning to come out of your room again man?" 

Bucky had entered Loki's room without knocking.  _Again_. Loki had asked him to, at the very least, knock on the godsforsaken door. But apparently, he had decided since Fennie was inside, he was allowed to treat the place like it was his own. And Loki was just too damn tired to give a fuck. 

"As a matter of fact, I'm not." 

Bucky laughed. 

"Well, you know what day it is, don't you?" 

Loki  _did_ know what day it was. He was well aware, but since he and Tony had their little- whatever it was, he suspected he wouldn't be allowed out of the tower, even if it was to go purchase more cat food. 

"I don't care." 

Bucky walked over to the bed where Loki lay on his back with Fennie perched on his chest. He didn't dare try to pet the kitten while she was laying on Loki. He knew he might get stabbed for that transgression, but he was definitely going to try to convince the god to  _at least_ venture into the common room for a few minutes. 

"You know, Fennie is almost out of the food she likes..."

Loki glared at Bucky, but looked down at Fennie with a soft expression. He stroked her ears and smiled as she purred at him. 

"Do you honestly think Stark is going to let me leave the tower?"

"Do you honestly want Stark to  _create_ some new cat food product for her in his mad scientist laboratory?" Bucky countered. 

Loki sat up so fast, Fennie rolled into his lap in a heap. 

"Fuck that. I'll kill him first." 

Bucky chuckled. "Alright then, get..." he looked Loki up and down, taking in his disheveled appearance, "...cleaned up, and meet me out there in a few. I'll try to get Steve on our side." 

 

It had been a while since Loki had felt  _this bad_ about himself. For whatever reason, Loki had taken Tony's remark- and the others' cackling laughter- to heart. It wasn't as if he actually gave a damn what they thought of him, but he had tried  _so hard_ to prove that he wasn't the villain they all thought he was. And lately, it felt like he had made some progress with them, especially when he'd brought Fennie home. He'd been so afraid that Tony wouldn't let him keep her, or that Natasha would think he was incapable of taking care of her, or that  _any one of them_ might think he couldn't handle the responsibility. But then, against all odds, they had said yes. And Loki had done something he never allows himself to do. 

He began to hope. 

He started to hope that things at the tower could improve for him. That maybe, just  _maybe_ he could show the Avengers that he wasn't the guy they all had in their mind's eye. That he was someone different. Maybe he was just as dark and just as dangerous, but  _not to them_ and not to the people of Midgard. That maybe he could have a bit more time to himself without someone watching over his shoulder all the time. That maybe he could stop being their scapegoat. That maybe the jokes would stop for  _just one fucking day._ That maybe he could feel just a tiny bit less lonely for a few moments each day. 

_But Thor._

Loki found himself thinking that over and over when he replayed the moments of his life... _B_ _ut Thor._

But Thor came in and wrecked it for him. With just a few words, Thor came in and destroyed the hope he'd gained. All it took was for the lightening queen to come in and say a few words, and all was lost for Loki. It happened  _every damn time_. 

 

"Loki? Have you, er, showered yet?" Bucky asked.

This time, he actually had the courtesy of standing at the doorway, instead of barging inside. Loki assumed it was because he didn't want to see him naked. Loki waved his hand around himself, instantly refreshing his appearance, and called to Bucky. 

"You can come in. I am not nude, Barnes. That is, unless you were hoping I would be nude. In that case, I can undress. But don't even  _think_ about touching." 

Bucky scrunched his face in horror.

"Fuck, dude! Why would I want to... I mean... shit, nevermind. It must be some Asgardian shit... you guys stand around letting people look at your junk. I dunno..." 

Loki could tell that he had flustered the soldier, and it amused him greatly, so he smirked and continued. 

"Actually, it has nothing to do with Asgard. I just thought you might want a look since you seem so keen on barging into my chambers." 

Bucky didn't answer, but Loki didn't expect him to. Making Barnes uncomfortable was the highlight of this miserable day. Come to think of it, Loki was beginning to think that Bucky  _might_ be his friend. A tiny flicker of hope blossomed once again, but Loki frowned and mentally stomped it down. He definitely didn't need more of that. 

 

"So, I talked to Steve, and he convinced Tony that you need some time outside the tower..." Bucky said, trailing off. Loki suddenly wondered what the catch was. There had to be a catch. Surely, someone would be tailing him, or Stark would have a helicopter follow him wherever he went; high-powered rifles pointed at him the entire time. 

"But I was wondering...can I, maybe, tag along? Steve said he didn't care, and I know where all the best stuff is at Petsmart, and I know how to talk to the girls in there without freaking them out-  _not that you don't know how to talk to girls-"_

Bucky had caught Loki's glare and realized he'd made a critical mistake. 

"Dude, you could have anyone you wanted... but I meant I was good at talking to, you know, sales people. Midgardians, er, whatever you call us." 

Loki had already decided that he would be okay with Bucky going, but he wanted to see how long Bucky would ramble before he tired himself out. When he finally stopped talking, he just stood there looking like a lost puppy, and Loki stared at him for a moment before nodding. 

"Why not? At least you're not Stark." 

Of course, Loki liked Bucky a  _lot_ more than Stark, but it was against his nature to let Bucky know that. 

"Great! Thanks! We should take Fennie! I have a big tote bag, and I think she would love riding in it. We should put her blanket inside and let her ride in it." 

 

Ten minutes later, Loki and Bucky were on their way to Petsmart with Fennie, who was mewling loudly from inside Bucky's bag. Several passengers stopped to peer inside the bag, only to be frightened by Loki's hissed  _move along._  

Bucky simply chuckled and jabbed Loki in his side. "They just want to say 'Hi' to her." 

"Yes, well that's what the Aesir said when they took my Fenrir away from me. They just wanted to ' _say hi'_ too. Until they decided he was too dangerous to be free." 


	7. Chapter 7

While Bucky and Loki were out of the tower, Tony decided to do a little research. With all of the information he had at his beck and call, he should be able to find what he was searching for without too much trouble. The only problem was, when the so-called Allfather wanted something hidden, it usually  _stayed_ hidden. 

Tony hated the fact that everyone in the tower thought he was the bad guy. He really just wanted everyone to be safe; everyone including Loki. He knew how the people of New York felt about the guy. He spent a lot of time on the town, and he knew how people in large groups could be. If they ganged up on him, Loki would be forced to defend himself, and it wouldn't be seen as  _self-defense_ at all. Loki would be sent back to Asgard for execution. Fury had predicted it since they discussed allowing Loki to leave the tower, but Tony wouldn't let that happen. He could see the change in Loki, especially since he'd allowed Loki to have that...tiny varmint in the tower. 

Tony smiled when he thought of Fennie. She wasn't a varmint. Not really. 

 

"What are you so happy about, Stark?" Steve interrupted. 

 _Shit._ He always got caught when he was trying to be sneaky. 

"Well, if you must know, I'm trying to locate these children Loki can't find. Have any idea what they were called?"

Steve laughed. Just the thought of Tony finding Loki's giant serpent child made Steve cackle with laughter. Tony had absolutely  _no idea_ what he was getting himself into, and Steve wasn't about to tell him. He would just have to find out on his own. 

"Um, well, there's Fenrir, Jormungandr, Hel, and Sle- Slep-- I can't remember the name of the eight-legged horse." 

Tony's eyes were as large as dishpans. "Well, he knows where the, ah, horse is. I'm trying to find the others. Those are some seriously strange names." 

He turned back to his computer, and Steve smiled. "Do you know how to spell them?" 

Steve snorted. "Really, Tony? I'm guessing Hel is spelled H-e-l-l. But I'm not certain." 

Tony began typing, but stopped.  _"Wait._ Don't they have a realm...or whatever they call a planet... called 'Hel?' They spell it H-e-l. Maybe that's how he spelled it. Sweet fuck, this is a lost cause. Who names their kid Jorgu- Jorm...  _fuck,_ I've forgotten already. What was his name?"

 

 

Loki had grown very quiet since he spoke of Fenrir, and Bucky hated when Loki was quiet. Bucky assumed he was either plotting someone's demise, or silently brooding until the point of boiling over. Neither of which they could afford at that particular moment. When it was time to exit the bus, Bucky leaned over to peer inside the bag where Fennie was hidden. 

"She's asleep. Look at her, so peaceful. She's okay. No one will take her from you." 

Loki glanced inside the bag and gave Bucky a half-smile. It was weak, but it was something. Bucky couldn't imagine how Loki was feeling, but he knew it couldn't be good. He'd never lost a child, but he'd lost Steve once, and he remembered it. He didn't remember much of it, but what he could recall was enough. Falling from the train had been terrifying, but finding himself in a strange place surrounded by men he didn't know who obviously had no regard for his feelings or his safety had been much worse. And before they had made him into a mindless killing machine, he longed for his friend. He laid there in pain wondering if Steve had even made it out alive. And when he actually slept- which rarely happened- he dreamed of Steve. He dreamed of Steve's horrified face as he fell from the train car, and he felt the wind whipping past his body all over again. 

"So, where is the good food again?" Loki startled Bucky out of his memories, and he was thankful for the brooding god's company.  

They had made it all the way from the bus stop to the parking lot of Petsmart without talking to each other, and Bucky wondered what Loki had been thinking about. 

"It's over in aisle 6. You remember. There was that dark haired girl working over there. The one who kept smiling at you. I think she liked you."

Loki smirked. "She probably recognized me, and was trying to figure out how to alert the authorities without tipping me off, Barnes. There is  _no way_ these Midgardian women would have anything to do with me." 

"Not that I am interested anyway," he added as an afterthought. Bucky knew  _that_ was a lie. Loki had been eyeing her just as much. 

 Bucky chuckled. "Come on, man. Don't you get lonely? I'm sure Stark and Fury would let you have a guest once in a while."

 

The truth was, Loki did get lonely. Painfully lonely. But he was certain Stark and Fury would laugh in his face if he even suggested that anyone  _wanted_ to spend time with him. In fact, the thought made him cringe. No one in their right mind would want to spend even five minutes in his presence. He couldn't control his own mind for longer than a few minutes at a time. He couldn't imagine what he would put someone else through. His past relationships had been strained, even before all of...this. He would have to find a woman from some distant realm who had never heard his name before she would have anything to do with him. And  _then_ he would have to worry about his oaf brother telling her about his past. He had to face the truth. He was screwed. At least he had Fennie.

 

"I'm fine, Bucky. I have her," he said, gently lifting Fennie out of the bag. He rubbed her head as she yawned and stretched in his hands. Just her mere presence calmed his fevered thoughts. He didn't need anyone else. Not really. 

Loki rolled his eyes when they entered aisle 6. The same mortal woman was standing there with a cart full of boxes, presumably placing the new shipment of cat food on the shelves. Bucky sidled up next to him. "Well, well look who's here again," he whispered.  

Loki elbowed him in the ribs, which caused Fennie to stir and climb to Loki's shoulder. 

"Aw! How adorable is she?" The brunette giggled. Loki watched as she bent over to pick up more cat food from the boxes. Bucky snorted. 

"Not interested, my ass," Bucky mumbled. 

"No, I'm  _not_ interested in your ass, Barnes."

Evidently, Loki's comment had been a bit too loud because the girl looked up and smiled. She was standing directly in front of the food Loki needed, and he couldn't find  _any_ way around her. So he stood there awkwardly. 

"Can I help you find something?"

"Um, ah..." Loki's supposed silver tongue was tied in knots, but Bucky was right. He actually did know how to talk to the sales people. 

"Well, yeah, actually. We're looking for some good kitten food. Like, the  _best_ kitten food we can buy." He gave Fennie's head a pet. "You see, she's a sweet girl, and we want her to stay healthy,  _don't we?"_ He made a face at Fennie that almost made Loki gag, but it seemed to work miracles on the girl in front of them because she was swooning. 

At Bucky. Not him. Fucking Bucky.  _Damn._  

"Let me see... I think this one is the best," she said, holding up a can. "It has all-natural ingredients, and it's made from fish. Does she like fish?"

Loki jumped in with both feet. "Oh yes. My darling Fennie loves fish." 

"Fennie? What a unique name! May I?" 

She was holding out her hands, and Loki began to panic. This woman wanted to  _hold_ Fennie.  _His Fennie._ What if she stole her from him? He couldn't very well strike her down in the store. Loki started to sweat; something he hardly ever did. She was very attractive, but there was no way he was going to let her have his baby. 

"Um, well, Fennie has anxiety, and if she's away from...Larry, here, she will take off. It's bizarre, but true. She seems so calm, and then, phew! Off she goes!" Bucky said, making a rocketing motion with his hands. 

Thankfully, the girl laughed and shrugged. "They all have their little quirks, and she'll probably grow out of that. Besides, you two seem like really good daddys for her."

 

 

 "Wait a sec..." Bucky paused as they were on their way out the door with several very large bags full of toys, food, and other accessories. "Did she think we were together? Like,  _together_ together? I mean, she said we seemed like we made good daddys for Fennie..." 

Loki took one look at Bucky's confused expression and started laughing so hard, Bucky thought he was going to drop the bags. 

"Now that you mention it..." Loki said through gasping breaths, "I think she did! So much for either of  _us_ winning her attention!" 

Bucky had never seen Loki laugh in earnest before. Every time Loki had laughed, it had been with a bit of malicious glee, but now he was laughing like a big kid. It was one of the most heart-warming things he had ever witnessed. 

Loki chuckled every few moments all the way back to the tower. He couldn't seem to stop thinking about the expression on Bucky's face. It was as if Bucky had just realized that his charms hadn't worked on the girl. Loki hadn't felt so free in a long time. He wished he could bottle that feeling and keep it on his shelf so that the next time he was feeling down, he could pull the cork and take just a tiny sip. 

When they finally made it back to the tower, Tony met them at the elevator. 

  


"Did you get plenty of food for Fennie?" Tony asked. 

Loki couldn't figure out why Stark even cared. He hadn't spoken to the metal man since the incident in the common room, and he didn't particularly want to talk to him then. 

"Yes, of course. I never know when you will let me out again." 

Loki rolled his eyes, thinking Tony was just trying to start a conversation so he could find out what he and Bucky did while they were out. He could just look at the surveillance footage from Loki's wrist implant anytime he wanted. 

"Good. I think I may have found one of her siblings. We'll need plenty of food for her if she's coming with us to meet him." 

  


 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Loki cut his eyes over at Bucky, and Bucky could see that Loki had switched moods. He had gone from laughing about being one of Fennie's 'daddys' to _really pissed_ in about 2.3 seconds. 

"Hold her." Loki gently pushed Fennie toward him, and Bucky did as he was told. 

Suddenly, Loki's hands were wrapped around Tony's throat, and Bucky didn't know what to do. He wanted to stop him, but there was nothing he could do with the tiny kitten in his arms. 

 _"So help me, Stark you had better not be fucking with me right now,"_ Loki said through gritted teeth. 

"Loki, stop," Bucky pleaded. "I don't think he's doing this to screw with you, man. And even if he is...it's not worth it. Think of Fennie."

"I'm...not fucking with you," Tony choked. "I think I found...Jorm...Jormu...just let me go and...I'll tell you."

Loki was infuriated. He couldn't believe his own ears.  _How did Tony even know Jörmungandr's name?_  

 

Loki wanted to strangle the metal man. He wanted to choke the life out of him just for allowing his son's name to  _pass through his mind_. How dare he? How dare he even mention Jor's name? Loki thought the mortal would have learned his lesson after making that tasteless comment about Fennie, but evidently he had far less sense than even  _he_ could have predicted. 

His hands tightened on Stark's throat as he considered the idea that the man was actually trying to prank him. Had Steve told him about their conversation at Petsmart? Had Bucky? Loki allowed his eyes to slide toward the soldier for a moment. The look on Bucky's face told him that he knew nothing of this.  _Steve._ Loki gritted his teeth as he felt Stark's feeble attempts to shift underneath his hands. 

 

"Loki...please, just let him go. He'll never let us go to Petsmart again," Bucky whispered.

Loki felt his fingers give way; heard Tony gasp for air, and immediately moved away from him. 

 

For a moment, Loki's knees felt as if they would give out. He didn't trust himself to move, so he simply stood there staring at his feet. 

"How do you even know his name? Who told you?" Loki muttered. 

"While you were gone, I asked Steve for help. I didn't want to get your hopes up if I couldn't actually do anything, but after some extensive searching and illegal hacking, I found information that  _might_ help." 

Tony took a deep breath. He had known Loki wouldn't react like a normal person, but he didn't realize he would be in a life threatening position. However, he could understand where Loki was coming from after the way he had treated the god in the past. Tony absolutely  _would have_ fucked with him about his kids had he known about them when Loki had first moved into the tower. In that moment, he was glad he hadn't known. He would probably be dead. 

Loki finally looked up, and Tony saw that his eyes were slightly glassy. He reached over to take Fennie from Bucky's arms, running his long fingers over her back. She stretched and yawned, and Loki blinked a few times. It seemed Banner had been right; Fennie was like a therapy animal for Loki. 

"Stark, you  _do_ realize that my son is not...a mortal child, right?" 

Bucky was nervously glancing from one man to the other, wondering how long it would be before he had to break up a fight. He resisted the urge to snort when Tony replied. 

"You mean, he's a  _god_ , like you?" 

Loki closed his eyes and let out a breath through his nose. "Go do some more research, Stark. When your feeble brain finally grasps what I mean, come tell me if you've  _really_ found my son."

 

 

 Bucky wasn't surprised when Loki stalked to his room and slammed the door behind him. He made no attempt to follow his friend, even though he wanted to. Loki obviously needed to be alone for a few moments. 

"Tony, what did you find? Do you really think it might be Loki's son?" 

Bucky rarely spoke to Stark. Their relationship was  _unsteady_ to say the very least. Stark didn't trust him, and Bucky knew it. That made speaking with the guy really uncomfortable, even though Bucky tried to be civil with everyone in the tower. 

It was difficult when every threat; every new blip on the radar just might be Hydra, and everyone thought he  _might_ have something to do with it. Bucky hadn't had any contact with Hydra in a very long time, but he was tainted. He would never be able to shake the reputation he had gained as a Hydra assassin, and he hadn't even wanted that. He'd never even known it was happening to him. 

Tony rubbed his face angrily. "I don't know. I just don't know. What did he mean? How is Jorm- Jor- whatever his name is- different than other kids? If he's not a  _god_ ," Tony said the word with obvious disdain, "then what?" 

Bucky glanced toward Loki's closed door. He didn't want to say anything because Loki should have told Stark himself. Then again, if Tony thought Jörmungandr was just some regular dude, this situation was going to go downhill very fast. 

"Steve knows. Go ask him. If he thinks it's okay to tell you, he will." 

Tony rolled his eyes. "Fuck."

 

 

Loki sat on the edge of his bed holding Fennie as close as she would allow. He needed her warmth next to his body. He could feel her quick breaths and her tiny fluttering heartbeat in his hands, and it comforted him more than he ever thought possible.

He felt guilty for getting so angry with Stark, but he couldn't help thinking the metal man had been playing a cruel joke on him. Now, he was almost certain Tony  _wasn't_ pranking him, but Loki knew there was no way he would find Jor. Odin had cast Jor out of Asgard decades ago, and no amount of Midgardian internet searches would be able to locate him. It was a lost cause. 

Fennie wriggled in his hands, and he loosened his grasp on her. Her bright eyes focused on his face, and he imagined that she understood his pain. 

 

 

Tony caught Steve in the middle of watching  _The Wizard of Oz_ \- again. He never understood Cap's fascination with the movie, but then again, he hadn't lived through that era either. 

"Steve, I need some more information," Stark said, sitting down next to the soldier. 

"Hold on...this is the good part," Steve gestured to the television. 

Evidently, the 'good part' was when Dorothy walked into the world of color for the first time. Tony thought there might be some kind of metaphor for Steve's life there, but for the life of him he just couldn't think of it at the moment. 

"Alright, shoot." Steve faced him. 

"Well, I just talked with Loki. He tried to kill me. Would you like to explain exactly how his kid is different from any random person on the street? Apparently, that's important."

Steve burst into a fit of laughter that surprised Tony. He hadn't seen Cap laugh that hard in  _ages_. Not since Bucky got his metal arm stuck in an elevator at Macy's trying to wave at a pretty girl who worked in the men's department. 

"Oh, he's different alright. Tony, Jörmungandr is a giant serpent," Steve gasped. 

No. Tony didn't believe that. He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Come  _on_ , Steve. I'm not that gullible. Loki put you up to this. There is no  _way_ he has a horse child  _and_ a serpent child. No fucking way." 

 

"Actually, he does. Then there is the giant wolf, Fenrir. That's where Fennie got her name." 

Both men turned to see Thor standing in the doorway looking amused. 

 

Tony's eyes bulged from their sockets before he recovered. "Well damn. I guess my lead in New Mexico wasn't really a lead at all. It's a good thing we didn't take the jet out there to meet him. He's probably just some gamer whose screen name is Jormu- Jorm- whatever the fuck his name is."

Thor cocked his head to the side, staring at Tony for a moment. 

"Wait. Are you actually  _searching_ for Jörmungandr?" 

"Yeah, but I'm at a dead end now. I mean, where the hell am I going to find a giant serpent in the database?" 

Tony had really wanted to help Loki out. Even though he was still mad as hell about his taking-over-the-world shenanigans, Tony thought everyone should be able to communicate with their kids. Even Loki. He almost understood why the guy brooded all the time. 

"I know where he is," Thor muttered, stopping Tony's train of thought in its tracks. 

" _What?_ " Both Steve and Tony yelled at once.

Thor laughed. "Sure. He's in some lake... in a place I believe you mortals call the Land of Scot, or something like that. Every once in a while he breaks the surface and scares the hell out of some tourists before diving back down. Then it seems no one spots him again for another ten years or so. I think he does that on purpose. He is a lot like his father; always full of mischief." 

Stark shook his head in amazement. "Are you talking about the fucking  _Loch Ness Monster?"_  

Thor's face lit up. "Yes! That's it. Where exactly is that again? Father keeps watch over that part of Midgard to make sure Jor doesn't escape." 


	9. Chapter 9

"Exactly how long have you known about this, Thor?" Tony whispered. 

Tony began looking over his shoulder to make sure Loki wasn't sneaking up behind him. He certainly didn't want to be overheard. Tony couldn't believe Thor had kept such important information from Loki, especially knowing how sensitive Loki was about his missing children. 

Thor shrugged. "Father told me after I returned from Midgard the first time- when I was banished here. You remember, when Loki sent the Destroyer-"

"Yeah, I remember. But that was  _five years ago_. Couldn't you have told your brother his child was safe? I mean, I know we weren't exactly happy with him, but he deserved to know," Tony replied. 

He was becoming more irritated with Thor by the second, and he knew he should just stop talking. It was done now, and they would all have to face the consequences. Loki was going to be beyond pissed off, and Stark couldn't blame him at all. 

"Why are  _you_ looking for Jörmungandr? Has he done something I should know about? Father should be the one to handle that," Thor said. 

Tony scrubbed his hands over his face in frustration. At this rate, he wouldn't have any eyebrows left. 

"I'm searching for him because I wanted to help Loki out. He mentioned that he didn't know where his children were, and that is something no father should ever have to go through. And now I find out that  _you_ knew where they were!"

Thor looked like he had been slapped, but Tony was beyond caring. He didn't know if Thor was just so callous and self-centered that he never even thought of Loki, or if he was keeping the information from his brother to use as leverage. Judging by the expression on his face, Tony would bet on the former. 

"Oh, I only know where Jor is. And Sleipnir. But Loki knows where he is. I have no idea where Fenrir is. But he is the only one. We all know where Odin sent Hel, and Narfi and Váli...well-" Thor trailed off. 

Tony's mouth hung open for a moment while he mentally counted the children Thor had just listed. 

"Wait. Loki has  _six_ children? Are they all...like Jörmungandr?"

He didn't want to say  _strange_  because it just didn't feel right.

"Yes, well, he  _had_ six children. Narfi and Váli are dead. And they looked just like Loki; black hair, green eyes, pale skin."

 

Thor went on to explain that Odin had charged Narfi and Váli with treason for making a few childish political statements. They might have been okay if they hadn't had their father's charisma. Evidently, people  _listened_ to Narfi and Váli, and Odin felt very threatened by them, so he had them executed. Tony was so horrified by what Thor told him that he couldn't listen to the entire story. He retired to his room for a drink to think things through. 

Thor mentioned that Loki had 'shamed' several of the members of the court by drunkenly airing their secrets at a public function. Apparently, this act had him losing favor with Odin- favor he'd never had in the first place. He was  _supposed_ to be Odin's son, but by then, Loki knew the truth. He was hurt, confused, and very angry, so he chose to lash out at one of Odin's soirees.

Tony had the worst feeling  _that_ was why Narfi and Váli lost their lives. He already knew Odin could be cruel and unyielding. Though Thor was in line to be king of Asgard, he did not understand the intricacies of politics,  _nor_ the temperaments of those in power.  

Tony's head was in his hands when Steve knocked on his bedroom door. 

 

 

 

Bucky had finally worked up the courage to knock on Loki's door. He didn't want to barge in this time, just in case he  _really_ pissed Loki off. 

"Loki? Can I come in?"

He expected the usual 'Fuck off,' but what he received was much more concerning. 

"Whatever. Just leave the light off."

Bucky walked as gently as he could; trying not to make any noise.  _Do gods get headaches?_ He didn't know what was wrong with Loki, but he hadn't expected this. 

"Dude, what's going on? Are you sick?" 

All Bucky could see was a large lump under the blankets on Loki's bed, and he assumed Loki was under there- most likely with Fennie. 

"Gods don't get sick, Bucky." 

His voice was weak and soft, and Bucky wondered if he was lying.

"Come on, man. You're starting to worry me. This thing with Tony- it's not that bad. I even heard him say he didn't blame you for the way you reacted. He's not mad." 

 

Suddenly, the blankets were flung back, and Loki sat up looking angrier than ever. Bucky took two steps backward without even realizing what he was doing. 

"I  _know_ he's not mad!  _I'm mad!_ I'm mad at myself. For allowing Odin to take my children from me! For pissing him off and getting two of them executed because of  _my stupidity!_ It's  _all my fault!"_

Loki took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. 

"It's all my fault that Fenrir is somewhere in another realm; tied up with chains that he cannot free himself from. It's all my fault that Jörmungandr was flung to the far reaches of the Nine realms; never to be seen again! And it is all my fault that my dear sweet daughter is now the ruler of  _Hel!_ I was never a father. I was nothing but a bad omen for them. Being born to me was the worst thing that could have ever happened to them."

 

Bucky stood frozen in his place as Loki's angry screams quickly dissolved into tortured sobs. Loki curled in on himself, wrapping his arms tightly around his knees and covering his face. Bucky could see that Loki was ashamed to be seen in such a vulnerable state, but there was no reason to be. If there was anyone in the tower who understood  _this_ kind of breakdown, it was Bucky. 

He slowly made his way toward Loki; desperately trying not to draw attention to himself. Loki needed comfort, whether he wanted to believe that or not, and Bucky intended to  _try_ to provide it. 

 

Loki was grateful for Bucky's stoic presence, even if he was ashamed of himself. He was also grateful that the soldier wasn't easily startled. In his anger, he had caused several things to fly off the shelves, crashing to the floor, but Bucky hadn't even flinched. Now he was so exhausted he could hardly move, so he didn't say a word when Bucky sat down next to him. He didn't even grumble when the soldier wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

Fennie was purring, and Bucky stroked her fur but didn't say a word. It seemed he knew that nothing he said would help. Maybe Loki had more in common with Bucky than he'd originally thought. 

 

 

 

"What are we going to do?" Steve asked softly as he entered Tony's room. 

He'd found Tony sitting at his desk drinking Scotch straight from the bottle. Thor's admission had been overwhelming, and both men needed time to digest the information before speaking of it. 

If he were honest, Steve would say that he didn't really want to deal with any of this. It was difficult enough working through the maze of emotions Bucky wove for him. Now he had to face the fact that Loki, the guy he thought was just another asshole villain, was actually a very complicated fellow. A man in an extraordinary amount of pain. He'd been lied to his entire life, then punished for being angry about it.  _Odin had actually executed his sons to punish him_. Steve couldn't even fathom that level of cruelty. It hurt his heart and his head to try, so he simply stood there waiting to see what their next move would be. 

"We're going to take a trip to the Scottish Highlands," Tony replied. "That's what we're going to do." 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Steve nodded without looking up at Tony. 

"So, are we just going to tell everyone to climb aboard the quinjet?  _Hey! We're going for a ride!"_ Steve mocked. 

Tony glared up at him. "I think we had better at least tell Loki where we're going. He might need some time to prepare. After all, we have no idea what their relationship was like before Odin cast Jorm- Jormu- fuck it, I'm calling him 'Jor' too- out of Asgard." 

Steve started shaking his head. "No. No  _way_. This is Thor's problem, not ours.  _He_ should be the one to tell Loki that he knew where Jörmungandr was, not us." 

Steve had already been in a match with Loki, and he didn't want to be in another one any time soon. If Natasha hadn't shown up when she did, he was sure Loki would have bested him. In fact, Loki  _had_ bested him, but thankfully neither man ever mentioned it. He didn't mention it because it was humiliating. He figured Loki didn't mention it because everyone was still pretty curious why Loki let them take him so easily. Steve had theories, but no one wanted to listen to them. 

 

 

Bucky sat in Loki's room all night even though the god finally wore himself out and fell asleep. He knew from experience that when memories and years of regret came back to haunt you, nightmares were inevitable. Bucky didn't want Loki to be alone if he woke up that way. Let the others talk. He really didn't give a damn. 

Fennie spent most of the night curled against Loki's side, apparently knowing exactly what he needed. Bucky was glad that Loki could accept her love so easily. He knew it was difficult for Loki to trust him after such a tumultuous life, so he would be whatever kind of friend Loki could allow. It had taken several years for him to reach a point where he could allow Steve to be close to him again, so he knew the process Loki had to go through. 

When Loki finally awoke, Bucky pretended to be asleep. He didn't want Loki to think he had been spying on him all night. Loki didn't want to appear weak to anyone, and he certainly wasn't. Loki was perhaps the strongest one out of all of them. Bucky had no idea how Loki lived with the thoughts that plagued him constantly. He was certain they would have driven him into madness. He wondered what his life would be like if he'd had children- children he'd known and lost. It was difficult enough remembering the lovers he'd had. Those sweet ladies who'd left the world so long ago while he remained, seemingly forever. 

"Bucky?" Loki grumbled. "What in the Nine are you still doing in here?" 

Bucky silently thanked the  _Nine_ \- whatever they were- that Loki was back to his normal, pissy self. 

"Huh? Oh, sorry man...I must have passed out."

Loki shook his head in obvious irritation, and Bucky resisted the urge to smile. 

 

 

Tony and Steve had a plan, but first they needed to make sure Loki didn't actually  _kill_ his brother. Tony couldn't blame him if he did, but Steve thought they should at least try to stop him, so they stood vigil outside the door while Thor made excuses for his shitty behavior. 

While Thor was inside Loki's room, Clint joined them. He was clueless about the whole situation, so Steve tried to update him while Tony listened for anything out of the ordinary. 

"Loki is a  _dad?_ " Clint asked, much louder than he intended. 

 _"Shhh!_ He doesn't know we're out here! And yes. But, he doesn't know where any of his kids are...well, he knows where two of them are. And two of them are--deceased," Steve finished softly.

 It wasn't long before Clint felt  _awful_ about the way he'd treated Loki. Even if Loki  _had_ taken over his mind several years ago, Clint still couldn't justify treating him badly anymore. He'd spent many nights longing for his own children. Knowing he was doing the best he could to protect them wasn't enough to make up for the time he spent away from them. 

 

_"You knew?! YOU KNEW, AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? WHAT KIND OF BROTHER ARE YOU?"_

The three of them jumped back as something heavy crashed into the door. Steve cast a look at Tony, but Tony shook his head. 

 _Not yet_ , he mouthed. Tony had seen the kinds of fights Loki and Thor could have without either of them walking away with so much as a scratch. He wasn't concerned about Thor. He was however, very concerned about the structural integrity of the tower. 

 

 

"Loki, I... father told me not to tell you. He said you would use Jörmungandr as a weapon against the humans. He made me promise," Thor finished weakly. 

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Thor felt like an idiot. He had tried so hard to uphold everything their father had asked of him, and now he was beginning to see the cracks in the foundation. He'd known Jor as a child. Jor was a trickster like his father, but he would never actually hurt anyone. Thor wondered what had become of him now that he'd spent so much time bound to Midgard without any real interaction with anyone. After all, Jor was very intelligent. How could he be Loki's son and  _not_ be? 

Thor stared at his feet. He didn't know what to say. There was nothing he  _could_ say. He was just surprised Loki hadn't stabbed him yet. Despite the many security checks his brother went through on a daily basis, he knew Loki still had multiple daggers hidden on his person. 

 

Loki watched the pathetic expressions cross his brother's face. His classic good looks and puppy dog eyes weren't going to help him this time. Loki wanted nothing more than to cut Thor's throat and watch him bleed to death. _How could he believe such nonsense?_ How could he think Loki would use his own son as cannon fodder? 

"Just because  _your father_   wanted to use me as a political pawn doesn't mean  _I_ would do the same with my son, Thor. I am  _not_ Odin. We aren't even related, if you recall." 

Loki spat the last words at Thor like venom and stalked out of the room, almost knocking the other three men over as he left. When Thor finally emerged, no one even looked at him. 

"You are all on his side, aren't you?"

Tony's mouth fell open as he rolled his eyes. "Um, yeah. I'm afraid you fucked yourself this time, Point Break. I mean, I know Odin is  _called_ 'Allfather,' but that guy is seriously misguided."

"Don't tell him I said that though," Tony tacked on as an afterthought.

"We're leaving at three. Not sure if Reindeer Games will want you tagging along though..." 

 

As Thor made his way to his own room, he contemplated his options. As it turned out, he was on Loki's side too. He just couldn't bring himself to admit it yet. 

 

Loki sat in the corner of Stark's private library quietly holding Fennie while everyone bustled about in the common room. His jaws ached from clenching his teeth, and he could swear he'd felt his left eye twitching just moments before. He opened his hand and carefully smoothed out the crinkled paper Tony had handed him as he'd left his own room. Evidently, the metal man had known exactly how that scenario would play out. Loki silently thanked Stark for his foresight. The paper had the key code for Stark's library- his personal hiding spot- along with a note. 

  _That was tough, but we're going to see your kid. We leave at three. Take as much time as you need in there. Steal my booze if you want. I will get everything in order._

_-Metal Man_

Loki  _wanted_ to be pissed off at Stark and everyone else just for existing at this point in time, but he found that after a few minutes his anger had passed and all he felt was sheer terror. He hadn't even laid eyes on Jor since he was a baby. He'd been so small, he could wrap around Loki's shoulders. The Aesir believed Jor was nothing more than a giant snake, but they had been so wrong. Of course, with Loki's reputation, he could never prove anything to them. 

He'd hidden Jörmungandr away the moment he was born, knowing how the Aesir would react. He'd known they would think Jor was dangerous, and he had been right. They tormented him from the moment they found out he existed. They called him an abomination, a hel-spawn, and even a monster. Loki wanted to believe that they didn't realize he knew what they were saying. He wanted to believe they didn't know his son was hurt by their words, but he knew how they were. Unfortunately, so did his son. 

Jor was  _smart_. He spoke with Loki like any other child, albeit with a lisp. Loki could remember the sweet cooing sounds Jor made when Loki took him to the stream to play. He splashed in the water, soaking the grass around Loki's feet and laughing. Loki wondered if Jor still laughed, or if bitterness and hatred had choked the life out of him as well. 

He wondered if Jor would still remember him. Then he almost wished Jor would have forgotten. He hoped his son couldn't remember everything the way that he did. It hurt to remember  _everything._ Loki remembered the day Odin ordered the Warriors Three to retrieve Jor. 

 

 _Loki had been in his study reading while Jor and Fenrir were outside. He could hear the two making cracks at each other; playing pranks and laughing. He'd become accustomed to hearing their unique speech, as they were quite different from anyone else in Asgard. He smiled to himself, wondering how the Norns had known what he somehow hadn't- that he would_ want _to be a father._

_Suddenly, Fenrir's laughter turned to vicious growls, and Jor's usually lisping speech turned to squeals. Loki ran from his study to find the Warriors Three holding Fenrir down; his head shoved violently into the dirt. Loki gasped in horror as Thor dropped Jor's body into a bag that was slung over his shoulder._

_"What in the Nine is going on here? Unhand my son!" Loki yelled, pulling his dagger from its sheath._

_Lady Sif strutted forward and thrust an official document into Loki's face._

_"We were sent by the Allfather. He wishes to inspect Jörmungandr."_

_He was relieved to know that Jörmungandr was still alive, especially since he couldn't hear his son's voice from outside the thick leather satchel. Loki moved to grab at Thor's shoulder, but Sif was faster._

_"He will be returned._ Don't _get hostile, Loki. It would be a mistake."_

_The threat in her voice was obvious. Her sword was dangerously close to Fenrir's throat, and Loki suddenly feared for his other son's life as well. Rather than put up a fight, he decided to follow them._

_"Fine. I shall go with you."_

 

 

Loki had known that he should be as respectful as possible, but the moment Odin made  _one_ quip about Jörmungandr being  _unnatural_ , Loki couldn't hold his tongue. It had all been over then. If he were honest with himself, it had been over already. Odin had planned every moment of that day. He'd sent Thor with the Warriors Three so Loki felt less threatened; therefore complacent. He'd deliberately made Loki angry so he had an excuse to do whatever he wanted to Jor without retribution. And when Loki flung himself at the Allfather; blood and death in his eyes, Odin had made his decision to cast the others out as well.

It was the perfect punishment for all of Loki's previous crimes. It was the perfect punishment just for  _existing_. 

Loki had been angry with Thor for many years. He'd thought Thor had known about Odin's plans, but he knew better now. Thor was too ignorant to realize just how vengeful his father was. 

Loki pulled a bottle of Midgardian Scotch from the shelf in Stark's library. It was only noon. Perhaps if he drank everything in the room, he could be  _almost_ tipsy by three. 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Loki was slumped against a bookshelf surrounded by  _all_ of Tony's liquor bottles when he and Bucky entered the small private library a few hours later. All of Tony's now  _empty_ liquor bottles. Of course, Tony didn't blame him. Nor did he care. He just hoped Loki wasn't completely wasted. It was almost three, and Tony was certain dragging a drunken Loki into the quinjet would take more than his power of suggestion and Bucky's super human strength. 

Tony looked at Bucky. "You're up." 

Bucky nodded solemnly before reaching down to gather Fennie into his arms. The kitten had curled against Loki's hand and was purring gently as if she knew just how to comfort the god. Tony almost wished he could just leave them there. 

Bucky stood back with Fennie wrapped up tightly before saying anything, and Tony wondered what he planned to do. 

"Loki," Bucky whispered. 

Suddenly, Loki was on his feet with a dagger in each hand. Tony jumped back a few inches but Bucky merely chuckled. 

"He's not wasted. I told you he'd be fine. That Asgardian shit is a  _lot_   stronger than this." 

 

 

"They call my son the  _Loch Ness **Monster**_?" Loki asked in disbelief.

Even on Midgard, Jor couldn't escape the torment. It seemed the curse of being Loki's son followed him no matter where he went. 

"Actually, most people just call him  _Nessie_. He's a legend. Kinda like his old man." 

Tony handed Loki a glossy book filled with photographs of the region where Jor supposedly lived. It was beautiful, but Loki knew his son couldn't possibly be happy there. 

"Where does he live? There is no  _way_ he could hide amongst the people here. Jor was massive even as a child. He could wrap around me several times."

 

Loki suddenly recalled how Jörmungandr liked to wrap himself around Loki's shoulders and suck on his own tail. He always thought it was Jor's way of soothing himself when he was anxious, especially when he was surrounded by hordes of Aesir. Loki felt a sudden wave of regret so strong it almost took his breath away. Seeing Jor for the first time since he was a baby was going to be excruciating. Loki suspected his son wouldn't exactly be thrilled to see him. After all, he should have fought harder to keep Jor safe. He should have fought to the death to keep him on Asgard, but he'd been a coward. He'd been so afraid of losing his other children too. In the end, he'd lost them anyway. 

Perhaps Jor would be so angry with him, he'd do what Loki should have done to Odin. Maybe he would put him out of his misery. Loki might even thank him for it. At least it would be an end to all of this pain. 

 

Stark pulled Loki out of his thoughts by pointing to a marker in one of the photos. 

"See that? That is  _Loch Ness._ That's the lake where your boy lives. He's made quite a name for himself. Tourists go there all year just to catch a glimpse of him, but most of them go home disappointed. Every once in a while though, he shows himself- and you'll be proud to know he scares the  _hell_ out of them. They say he looks like a dinosaur, but that can't be right. It's probably because no one has ever seen his body; just his head." 

Tony noticed the way Loki was hanging on his every word. Loki had never listened to anyone that way before. His expression was far from happy though. Loki looked like he was going to face a firing squad, and once again Tony wondered what Loki and Jor's relationship had been like. 

"Hey- are you okay? Are you sure you even want to do this?" 

Loki's glare told Tony not to push any further, so he backed down immediately. As he started to walk away, he heard Loki mutter. 

"He's my son. I have to see him at least once more." 

 

 

The remainder of the flight was quiet, and Loki was left with his thoughts. Fennie had curled up in his lap and fallen asleep, and he stroked her fur thanking the Norns he had her to keep him company. As much as he enjoyed his banter with Bucky, he couldn't face the soldier. His mind was so clouded with memories and unhappy thoughts, he didn't think it was wise to be around anyone else. 

Would Jor even recognize him? If he did, would he speak? Did he remember how? What would he say to the father who'd failed him so completely? 

Perhaps it was a family trait; abandoning children in their time of need. After all, his own father had left him, hadn't he? Maybe he  _was_ exactly like Laufey. Maybe he had abandoned his children. He'd allowed Odin to snatch Jor away. He'd allowed him to lock Fenrir in chains. He'd even allowed him to banish his only daughter to  _Hel_. 

Loki glanced down at Fennie once again. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve anyone. 

 

 

"Loki..." 

At some point during the flight, Loki had fallen asleep again, and Bucky had been tasked with waking him up. Fortunately he was wearing a harness, so he couldn't attack anyone this time. Bucky had learned the hard way that Loki had been conditioned to defend himself upon waking. Bucky didn't know what had happened in Loki's past to force him to behave that way, but he felt sorry for him. There was no way Loki ever slept  _well_ if he was prepared to strike at all times. 

Loki jerked awake, reaching for his weapons. 

"It's okay... we're- we're here. Do you want to go alone, or do you want someone to come with you?" 

Loki looked to Tony. He almost couldn't believe that Tony would allow him to go alone. 

"I'd like to go alone, if that is okay. I will not flee. I give you my word that if I do, you may put me down." 

Bucky flinched at Loki's words. " _Geez_ man." 

Tony shook his head. "He's not going anywhere. There's nothing out here for miles." 

Tony's eyes met Loki's. "If you need one of us, we're right here. If you need anything..."

Loki knew that  _anything_ meant anything including emotional support. He wasn't sure he felt completely comfortable relying on the Avengers for that, but he felt a certain warmth toward the metal man. He knew it wasn't easy for him to offer, especially after everything Loki had done to him. 

 

 

Loki stepped out of the quinjet, taking in his surroundings. He was thankful that no one else was around, but he figured that was no coincidence. Stark had vast resources and had probably made sure the area had been cleared prior to their arrival. Loki silently added one more thing to the growing list of reasons he needed to thank the metal man. 

The lake was beautiful and serene, and Loki had the sudden desire to plunge into its depths, but he knew he'd probably never resurface. He had no idea what to do, or how to find his son. What if he called out to Jor, and he didn't come? What if Jor couldn't even hear him? All he could do was try.

"Jörmungandr... are you there, my son?" 

Loki felt something wet at the corner of his eye, but he ignored it. He couldn't stop now. 

" _Jor!_ Are you here?"

There was no movement at the surface of the lake, and Loki's heart seized up in his chest. His son wasn't there. The Avengers had done this as a prank. He'd known it all along. Thor must have told them to do this to him for some sort of retribution. 

How  _could_ they? How could Thor even convince them to do something like this? What a colossal waste of resources! Had Fury even known about this? 

 _"Jor..."_ He sobbed. He suddenly realized that he was more prepared to face his son than he'd thought. He  _needed_ to see what had become of his boy. He needed to see if his unique and beautiful child had even survived Odin's cruel judgment. The twisting agony in Loki's chest was too much to bear. He'd needed to feel some sort of resolution, whether it be positive or negative. But now, he would be left forever wondering. 

Loki dropped to his knees in the grass and wailed at the top of his lungs. All of the pain and regret from the last few days came pouring from his throat. Tears streamed down his face as he screamed his son's name over and over again. When he'd cried himself hoarse, his hands tore chunks of grass and earth from their roots, and he tossed them violently toward the lake. The wind blew in his direction, sending dirt flying back into his eyes, but Loki was too far gone to care. He blinked it away and continued his pointless assault on the sea. 

His eyes burned so much, he thought he saw ripples in the water. A shape formed at the water's surface. 

"Papa?" 

Loki blinked. 

"What did you say?" Loki choked. 

"Papa, is that you?" The lisping voice came again. 

Loki thought he saw a familiar face in the distance, but he knew he could very well be hallucinating. He didn't care. If this was the only way he could talk to his son, so be it. 

"Jor, my- my son...is that really you?" 

The figure grew larger, and Loki blinked to clear the tears from his eyes. The familiar serpent's head was  _enormous_. Loki couldn't believe  _his_ Jor had grown so big and mighty. It was no wonder the people of Midgard thought he was a monster. They  _should_ fear him. 

"Papa!" 

Before Loki realized what was happening, Jörmungandr had completely left the water and was towering over him on the grass; his tail wrapping around Loki's body in great waves. 

"Jor, I- I'm so sorry... I'm  _so sorry,"_ Loki said through choking sobs. 

 

 

"Holy  _shit_ , guys!" Natasha shrieked. 

Until that point, everyone inside the quinjet had been quietly observing through the tiny windows, and trying in vain to hear what Loki was saying. 

"So...that's Nessie.  _The_ Nessie," Tony muttered. 

Bucky cleared his throat. "No, that's  _the_  Jörmungandr. We just renamed him because we're ignorant mortals." 

"I think you've been spending way too much time around Loki," Steve commented. 

"Dude, he is fucking  _huge_ ," Tony exclaimed. "Do you think Loki is in danger?" 

Bucky huffed. "That's his son. Of course not." 

"His son might want to kill him..." Natasha whispered.

Bucky was suddenly afraid Loki might actually be harmed. What if Jörmungandr didn't remember Loki? What if he had lost his...humanity? Bucky opened the quinjet door just enough to hear what Loki was saying. He stood there for a few moments listening to Loki and his son, but before long he couldn't take it anymore. Bucky slid the doors closed, clinging to Fennie with tears in his eyes. Loki would be okay. He had to believe that was true. Loki deserved to be okay for once. 

 

 

 

"Why are you sorry, Papa? You did nothing wrong. How did you find me?" 

Loki couldn't believe his own ears. How could Jor think he was innocent? How could Jor think Loki's cowardice was excusable? 

"I- I  _let you down_ , Jor. I  _let_ Odin snatch you away from me. I was a coward. I'm a terrible father. I tried to hide you away so the people of Asgard wouldn't mock you. I couldn't even stand up and tell them to stop. I didn't deserve you. After Odin took you away, I lost everything." 

Loki dropped his head, hoping the ground would swallow him whole. He couldn't stand there and face his son for one more second. It was just too much. 

Jor wrapped himself tighter around Loki's body, and Loki thought surely _this_ was the moment. This was the moment he had been waiting for. The moment one of his children would finally get their revenge. 

"That was not your fault, Papa. One day, I will repay the Allfather for his misdeeds. But you had no part in those."

As Jor's words sunk into Loki's brain, he slowly began to realize that Jor wasn't trying to squeeze the life out of him.

His son was  _hugging_ him. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Loki couldn't remember the last time he'd been so  _content_ just standing still. His son was literally wrapped around him, and he never wanted to move again. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he couldn't stay, but he didn't want to confront that thought just yet. He wanted this moment- this perfect moment- to last as long as possible. 

 _Jor didn't hate him_. He still hated himself, sure, but his son loved him. He idly wondered if his other children would be so forgiving. 

"Papa, how did you find me? Odin said he would make sure you could never find me..."

The bitterness in Jörmungandr's voice was thick, and Loki had the sudden urge to curse at the sky. It seemed Odin's treachery knew no bounds. Jor had been an innocent child, but Odin had still managed to scar him seemingly beyond repair. 

Loki turned his head to look at the quinjet. 

"My...friend, Tony brought me here after Thor told him where you were." 

Loki tripped over the word  _friend_. He hadn't realized how foreign the term was to him, or how long it had been since he'd had friends of his own. Thor had friends, but no matter how hard Loki tried, he could never manage to fit in with them. He'd saved their lives on multiple occasions, but that never mattered to them. Or to his brother. They always seemed to find ways to make him feel  _other_. What made matters worse was that they did not understand his unique ability to be both boy _and_ girl. And what they didn't understand was completely unacceptable. They called him names-  _weakling, dark one, girly boy,_ and  _ergi_. 

He was the youngest, so for a while he assumed that was the reason for their torment, but after a while it began to wear on him. When he'd told Thor how much it bothered him, his brother did exactly what he expected; he laughed. 

_"Oh, come on Loki! They're just playing! It's not as if you haven't played your fair share of pranks on them!"_

While that was true, Loki hadn't started toying with them  _until_ they began torturing him. Thankfully, the older he got, the more advanced his Seidr became, and Thor's friends started to fear him. 

 

 

"Are your friends afraid of me?" Jor's lisping voice brought Loki out of his memories, and he smiled at his overgrown son. 

"I don't...think so." Truthfully, he had no idea. Would the Avengers fear a giant serpent? 

"Would you like to meet them, son?" 

Jor's excited hiss made Loki's heart lighter than it had been in years, possibly even decades. He remembered that sound. Jor used to make that same sound when he was just a baby. Loki suddenly recalled the way Jor would react when they played together, or when Loki brought him a field mouse for dinner. 

"There's just one thing...I have a um, a kitten. Her name is Fennie. And she's- "

Jor interrupted him. "I know. Friend, not food. I remember. I like fish best now anyway." 

 

Loki couldn’t believe Jor remembered his warning from so long ago. It had been a challenge keeping his serpent child from eating things he shouldn’t, especially when people let their pets run free.

“How in the Nine do you remember such things? You were just small. You’ve lived an entire _life_ without me, Jor.”

The enormity of his own words hit Loki like a ton of bricks, and he had to fight back another wave of fresh tears. He hadn’t cried this much since he was a small boy himself and Thor had stolen his favorite dagger. He supposed years of rejection had hardened his heart until the mere idea of shedding tears was absurd- until he was faced with his own offspring.

 

He suddenly remembered that Jor wanted to meet his _friends_ , so he made a simple hand motion at the quinjet window, knowing that everyone inside had been watching them.

They were such nosy mortals.

Bucky was the first to disembark; nearly tripping over his own feet to catch Fennie before she got away from him.

“Fennie, _no!_ Giant snake!”

Loki laughed. “It’s okay, Buck. Jor won’t hurt her.”

He scooped Fennie up from the grass and held her so Jörmungandr could see her. Bucky stopped running and stood anchored to his spot- staring at Loki’s son in awe. 

 

"H-hi. It's nice to, um...see you finally," Bucky muttered awkwardly. 

Jörmungandr laughed heartily; hissing and flicking his long forked tongue. Loki couldn't help the wide smile that broke out across his face. 

"Do not be intimidated, friend of papa. I will not harm you."  

 Bucky still stared, open-mouthed until finally turning to Loki. 

"He's just like you. He's... _smart_. I mean, not that I expected any different, but holy shit. He's  _glorious._ " 

Loki felt his chest swell with pride. He hadn't felt so proud in a very long time. Not since Jor, Fenrir, and Hel had been born.

He never allowed himself to think about Vali and Narfi anymore. It was just too painful. Even the taste of their names in the back of his throat made him feel like he would die from heartache. But now was not the time to think of such things. 

 

Natasha approached with caution and Loki laughed as his son hissed appreciatively. 

"Not your type, Jor," Loki muttered. "She'd tie you in a knot and leave you for dead." 

 

 

"That's quite a big, uh..." Tony started, but Loki cut him off before he could get any further with the innuendo. 

" _Stop Stark._  This is my son, Jor." 

Tony actually looked chagrined when everyone in the group turned to give him a scolding glare, and he immediately switched into problem-solving mode.

"So Jor, what do you like to eat out here? And is there enough of it?" 

 

Jörmungandr told Tony all of the different types of fish he enjoyed while Tony made an extensive list. The next question was if the giant serpent had plenty of room to move around. The lake was very spacious, and Loki's son was content with his living space. He even enjoyed the visitors he had from all over the world. Jörmungandr's only real complaint was that there had been many cruel tourists who'd tried to catch him in their nets. They'd obviously been unsuccessful, but he had been injured on multiple occasions. 

Loki was  _beyond_ furious. He'd seen the cruelty of the human race. He knew how selfish they could be, and it normally didn't bother him, but when it affected his son, he found that he couldn't ignore it. 

"I can't stand by and allow that to happen! I don't care if they aren't capable of doing any real damage!"

Tony tentatively placed his hand on Loki's shoulder, taking his phone from his jeans pocket. 

"I've got this."

 Stark walked to the Quinjet and made a few phone calls. Later that night, and every morning and evening thereafter, there would be a very large assortment of fish dropped into Loch Ness by helicopter. And no one would be allowed to bring weapons, nets, or spears onto the preserve ever again. 

 

Loki had known that he would have to say goodbye sooner than he liked, but he'd had no idea how  _hard_ it would be. As he stood on the shore watching Jor dive back down into the deep water, he wondered how long it would be before he would see his son again. It wasn't as if they could just fly out here any time Loki started longing for a hug. He would have to remember the way he had felt wrapped in Jor's massive body. It had been so long since Loki had felt truly loved by anyone other than his mother. He hadn't realized how much he needed his children's forgiveness until now. 

Tears streamed down Loki's face as he stepped into the Quinjet, and he didn't bother wiping them away. Thankfully, the others were respectful enough not to say anything. They didn't even look at him, and for that he was eternally grateful. He sat down in his seat and watched the ripples in the water's surface from the tiny window and imagined his Jor happily chasing fish under the water. 

"You okay man?" Bucky whispered. 

Loki didn't answer, and Bucky placed a sleeping Fennie in his arms. Loki couldn't help the tiny smile that formed on his lips. He held her close to his chest and fell asleep listening to her purr.  


	13. Chapter 13

Bucky wasn't sure whether Loki wanted company or not, but he certainly didn't want to leave him alone if he  _needed_ someone, so he decided to risk knocking on Loki's door. If Loki kicked his ass, it wouldn't be the first time he'd gotten beaten up by someone much stronger than he was. 

When Loki opened the door, he looked like hell. His skin was paler than usual, and his eyes were sunken in like big dark pits. Bucky didn't know when he'd eaten last, but he wasn't sure if Asgardians even had to eat every day. It looked like he had been neglecting a need somewhere though. 

"Dude...what's going on? We've been back for three days, and no one has laid eyes on you. Now, you may beat the shit out of me for even  _thinking_ about bothering you, but I don't care. I'm the only one who had the balls to come down here and check to make sure you're still alive." 

 

Loki hadn't been in any state of mind to face the rest of the people in the tower since their return. Seeing Jor had been wonderful, but leaving him had broken his heart. He knew his son. Jor would put on a happy façade even if he was more miserable than any other creature in the Nine Realms. Loki would have never known if he was truly content with life in the Loch, and that was eating at him. It was comforting to know that Jor didn't hate him, but he still hated himself for the way he'd allowed things to happen back on Asgard. He should have been a better father. He should have stopped Odin at any cost. And by the gods, he should have allowed Jor to eat those blasted cats if he wanted them so badly...

"Relax James. I'm not going to fight you. Come in, please," Loki said, his voice a little strained. 

"Did I ever tell you about the time I had to stop Jor from eating Freya's cats?" 

Bucky laughed, and Loki's lips curved into a smile for the first time in several days. Perhaps he did need the company. 

 

"When Jor was just a small child- well  _relatively_ small- Thor went on a fishing trip." 

Loki saw the look on Bucky's face, and he laughed. 

"Yes, of  _course_ this story starts with Thor. How could it  _not?"_

"Thor wasn't always the  _dreamy hero_ ," Loki paused to roll his eyes dramatically, "you all know and  _love_. He was incredibly hot-headed and easily angered."

Bucky could tell that Loki was coming alive telling this story, so he didn't interrupt him to say that  _he_ didn't love Thor. He thought Thor was _still_ hot-headed, and he hated the way Thor treated Loki. 

"Thor was sitting on the riverbank trying to catch  _the most fish ever caught in all the Nine Realms_ because Thor has always been like that...when he heard a noise. He described it as 'the worst noise he'd ever heard.'" 

Loki rolled his eyes once again, and Bucky laughed. Watching Loki tell a story about his brother was quite entertaining. 

"So Thor, in his endless wisdom, goes to investigate this noise and he finds a male cat who is singing to his two kittens. How my brother could think  _that_ was an awful sound is beyond me." 

He looked down at Fennie and smiled, and Bucky's heart clenched in his chest. Loki was a good father. He just didn't realize it. 

"The male cat tells Thor that his mate gave birth and left him with the kittens, and being a single father is too difficult. So Thor offers to help him. He takes the kittens to Freya. Have you heard of her?" 

Bucky  _had_ heard of her. She was the goddess of love and fertility, and was supposedly so beautiful that men and women became infatuated with her just by gazing at her. He didn't know anything else about her though. He certainly had no idea she had an affinity for cats. 

"This is where our little tale gets interesting. Jörmungandr, as you could see, is just as rebellious as I am. And when I told him that he absolutely  _could not_ eat Freya's kittens no matter how tempting they looked, it was like I had issued a challenge. The bigger they grew, the more he tried to catch them. He was sneaky. He used tricks even I wouldn't have thought of using."

"I brought him field mice to snack on, and he hid them so he could use them to lure the cats away from Freya's dwelling. Cats do love mice, you know," Loki mused. 

"Well, the mice were so relieved to be away from Jor, that they scurried away. That drew the attention of Freya's prized pussycats. Then Jor snuck out from behind something and waited for his opportunity to snatch one of them up. It took weeks for me to figure out why Freya's cats were swarming around my home, and even  _longer_ for me to realize his entire devious plan." 

As Loki told his tale, Bucky pictured the mayhem and laughed until tears rolled down his cheeks. As it turned out, Loki was quite a storyteller, and Bucky was riveted. 

 

" _That_ was not the end, though. His plots became more and more ingenious as time went on. When the cats were old enough to begin hunting further away from Freya's home, Jor took advantage. He found out their favorite kinds of prey and chased them down to the riverbank. Then he would lie in wait until the cats tracked their prey down to the edge of the water. One day, he swept his tail across the sand and knocked one of the cats into the water and dove in after it under the guise of  _saving its life_. The cat was inside his mouth when I found him, smiling like the unruly beast he was." 

Loki was smiling as he told his tale, and Bucky couldn't help laughing at the pride in his voice. 

"Did Jor ever actually  _eat_ one of them?" 

"Well, one of them has a bobtail now...and it wasn't  _born_ with a bobtail." 

Bucky gasped, and Loki laughed, taking an almost perverse sort of pleasure in his horror. 

"Freya was not pleased. She threatened to tell the All-Father of my son's disobedience, which would have meant he'd suffer harsh punishment that he didn't deserve. He  _is_ a serpent, after all. It's not his fault he craves red meat. And being my son, he was very mischievous. That's my fault, not his." 

"Luckily, I had a few baubles in my collection that Freya had her eye on for some time. Of course, I didn't want to give any of them up. To this day, she  _thinks_ she has the real ones, but they're merely copies. Jor got some cat meat, and I got to keep my jewels." 

 

When Loki finished telling his story, Bucky sat with his mouth gaping open.

"She never realized you gave her fakes?" 

"Honestly, she's not that bright. Just beautiful. It's a shame, really." 

 

 

Loki sat there staring at Fennie's sleeping form. She'd grown so much since he had found her in that box all alone. Her once tiny body was now long enough to stretch all the way across his lap.

Every time Loki thought about her getting bigger, he began to panic. He knew she didn't have a long life- not like he did- and he didn't know what he would do when she grew old and weary. Chances were, he would still be exactly as he was now; young, virile, and completely miserable. He knew it was selfish and silly to think about trying to extend the life of a common house cat, but that's where he was at the moment. That's exactly what would make him feel better. 

Rather than bring up the subject to Bucky, he asked the question he'd been torturing himself with for days. 

"Do you think Jor is happy?" 

Loki loved that his son had so many of his characteristics; his intelligence, his wit, and his mischievousness. But he was terrified at the thought of Jörmungandr carrying the indescribable melancholy he'd had for as long as he could remember. 

Bucky examined Loki's face for a moment. He could see that the god was distressed, and he felt bad that he hadn't come to talk with him sooner. Clearly,  _this_ was why Loki was suffering. 

"I think you're torturing yourself for nothing. What happened with Jor wasn't your fault." 

Loki started to interrupt him, but Bucky shot him a look and he quickly closed his mouth. 

"No matter how much you blame yourself, you can't go back in time and fix it. Going to see him, telling him you love him, telling him you're sorry it happened- that's  _all_ you can do, man. He looked  _very_ happy to me, especially when he was wrapped around his dad. Who wouldn't be happy living  _there_? It's beautiful. And he has plenty of people to prank... and now he has enough fish to feed ten of him. Please stop tormenting my friend Loki. He doesn't deserve it." 

 

When Bucky left Loki's room, Loki replayed Bucky's words over and over in his head.  _Stop tormenting my friend Loki. He doesn't deserve it. My friend Loki. Friend._ He had a friend. Not a 'friend.' Not like Thor's friends- friends who mocked him.

A _real_  friend.

Loki used that thought to help him find the strength to leave his room for the first time in three days. When he walked into the common room, he found everyone discussing their next "mission." 

 

"Hey reindeer games! I  _think_ I've managed to locate one of your other kids...he's a really big wolf, right? Like,  _really fucking big."_  

Loki laughed at Tony and took a seat next to where he was searching through hundreds of entries on Shield's database. He couldn't understand much of the information on the screen, but he recognized the name of the country- Norway. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

"Fenrir is on  _Midgard?_ Odin actually sent him  _here?_ " 

Loki was baffled. He couldn't imagine how his Fenrir could possibly be on Midgard without anyone knowing about it. There was just no way to hide him. 

"Tony, are you absolutely certain this information is correct?" 

Before Tony had a chance to answer, Bruce walked in and glanced at the screen. His eyes widened almost comically as he read the name out loud.  _"Fenris."_

He glanced between Loki and Tony as if searching their faces for a clue that this was some kind of joke. Evidently, he was not satisfied by what he found. 

"Are you two  _nuts_? The Fenris wolf is the catalyst for the end of days. _Ragnarok._ That's not just a myth, you know. It's _real._ You let him out, and it's over for us!" 

 

Tony was staring at Bruce as if he'd grown an extra head, and Loki had begun to laugh, but was trying to play it off by holding his hand in front of his mouth. 

"Come on Bruce. You're the...second smartest guy here," Tony only half-joked, "You can't be serious. This is Loki's son we're talking about. I mean, yeah...he's a giant wolf just like the legends say, but there's no  _way_ you actually believe he's going to bring about the end of the world. That's just superstitious bullshit for people who read too much." 

Loki knew all the myths. When he'd been bored in his room, he'd read the books and laughed at most of the mortals' theories. Some of them were so far-fetched, even  _he_ couldn't believe how ignorant they were. The only one that seemed to be pretty accurate was the one where his boy Fenrir breaks free of his chains and eats Odin. Loki could definitely see that happening, and he would rejoice. After all, the bastard had stolen his children and flung them to the far reaches of the universe. 

"Well, there is a fairly accurate theory floating around where Fenrir eats Odin, but I'm not certain anyone would care," Loki muttered, glad Thor wasn't in the room to scold him. 

"I never liked the guy much anyway. See, Bruce? Nothing to be afraid of. Besides, you'll be fine. You've got the green guy on your side." 

Loki was shocked to hear Tony say that he didn't care for Odin. Not because Odin was so likable, but because Loki figured Tony would never sully the All-father's name when they had been working so closely together to keep him on a short leash. He suddenly felt much closer to the metal man. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. 

 

 

"So, the Fenris wolf is in Norway?" Bruce asked, turning to Loki. "Are the myths true? Did Odin  _really_   trick him into being chained for all of eternity?" 

Loki nodded solemnly. He hated talking about this particular part of his past. Fenrir was just as headstrong as he was, and it had cost him his freedom. Loki had spent decades obsessing about all the things he could have done differently- all of the things he could have done to prevent Fenrir's incarceration. He should have just  _killed_ Odin rather than allow him to do what he did. But he'd been a coward. 

He sighed. "Fenrir is strong. Stronger than any of the Aesir, including your favorite lightening thief. Fenrir made Thor look like a child. His weakness was arrogance-  _and yes, I know he gets it from me-_ " Loki interrupted himself before anyone else could, "Odin- being the conniving retch that he is- decided to use both of those qualities against poor Fenrir. He brought several sets of chains from different realms and bet Fenrir that he couldn't break free of them. When Fenrir  _was_ able to do so, the Aesir were impressed and frightened. Such was the All-father's master plan. He finally commissioned a special set of chains that were smaller and so delicate that Fenrir laughed when he saw them. But he couldn't break free. And though Odin had promised to let him go, he never did. He banished Fenrir just as he did my other children. And I watched it happen...I did nothing." 

Once again, Tony and Bruce felt awful for making Loki recount the tragedies of his past. Bruce found himself unable to respond. His throat was closed-off, and he was holding back tears imagining how he would feel if he were in Loki's place. Tony's head was bowed, and he simply waited for someone else to speak first. 

 

Loki had gone to visit Fenrir several times before his exile from Asgard. At first, he had scolded his son for being so strong-willed, but he knew if he'd been in the same situation, he probably would have made the same mistake. At first, Fenrir had been convinced that the All-Father would come to let him out- that his imprisonment was just a joke, or some kind of _lesson_ \- but Loki knew better. Loki knew Odin had planned the entire thing.

He tried to appeal to the All-Father. He went to the palace to plead his son's case. Loki remembered that day very clearly. Every time he'd gone to visit Fenrir, his son had grown more and more lethargic. It was almost as if he'd completely given up on life. It broke Loki's heart to see him in such misery. Loki went to Odin to ask for a trade- he would sit in chains in order to set Fenrir free. But the All-Father wouldn't hear of it. 

_"He's dangerous, Loki."_

_"My son hasn't hurt anyone! If you're looking to imprison someone, take me instead. I deserve it."_

_"It's only a matter of time._ _I can't have him running around terrorizing the citizens of Asgard. We're done here."_

Loki had been so distraught that he'd begun making plans to free his son. Unfortunately, just as he thought he'd perfected the spell to free Fenrir from his chains, Odin learned of his plans. He sent Tyr to speak with Fenrir. The rumor around Asgard was that Tyr had promised to free Fenrir if he told Tyr of Loki's plans. But Loki hadn't mentioned his plans to Fenrir. He hadn't wanted to get his son's hopes up. Tyr had teased Fenrir by lifting the chains just enough for Fenrir to move around, but that had been a dire mistake. Fenrir's temper was also inherited, and when Fenrir realized that he was being blackmailed, he ripped Tyr's hand completely off his wrist. 

Odin banished Fenrir without telling anyone. Loki never even got the chance to say goodbye. 

 

"These are magical chains, right? I mean, we're going to need some kind of bad-ass wire cutters to break him out," Bucky said, snapping Loki out of his memories. 

Loki hadn't really considered that, but Bucky was right. He would need to use his Seidr to release his son from the chains. And then what?

 

"Tony...Fenrir doesn't have anywhere to go. It's not like he can simply roam the countryside in Norway. He's  _massive_. Once he's released from his chains, he will need a home- somewhere people don't fear him." 

Loki didn't want to ask for Tony's help, but he didn't want Fenrir to have hunters chasing him all over Norway either. It wasn't fair that he'd been stranded on Midgard in the first place. And Loki knew he could never go back to Asgard. 

Stark stared at the computer screen for a few moments before answering Loki. He wasn't sure what to do, especially since he didn't know exactly  _how_ massive Loki's son was. If he was anything like Jor, Stark knew things were about to get a lot more complicated. If the wolf was as intelligent as Loki claimed, they could use him on the team as long as Fury agreed, but the question still remained: where would he stay? 

He turned to Loki, who was looking apprehensive, and patted his shoulder. 

"We'll figure something out. Don't worry, dad. Now, what do we need to pack for a trip to Norway?" 

 

As everyone scurried around trying to get ready for their trip, Loki tried to steady his nerves. There was no guarantee Fenrir would even speak to him, but he still had every intention of freeing his son from his bonds. Loki had been much younger and far less experienced when Odin put his son in chains. Now he knew several ways he could free Fenrir, and he spent his time going over every last detail in his mind before they left. 

Loki loved practicing his magic with Fennie in the room. She always chased the green lights that danced around the room. Sometimes she even attacked his fingers where they glowed with the magical light, and Loki couldn't control his laughter. He idly wondered how Fennie would react to his giant wolf son. Would she be afraid of him? Or would she simply try to cuddle with him like the rest of the animals in Asgard had done? 

Fenrir was always surrounded by a horde of animals. They were mostly herbivores; rabbits, deer, and even some baby goats. Loki guessed Fenrir made them feel safe because he never tried to eat them, and he was large and warm and furry. He often found Fenrir asleep with several of them curled up under his paw or nestled into his side. Once, he even found a baby bunny tucked underneath his ear. Fenrir acted as though he was annoyed by the animals, but Loki knew he secretly loved their affection. That was an inherited trait as well. Pretending to detest someone's affection while secretly craving it was one of Loki's  _best_ attributes. He rolled his eyes.  

 

"You ready, big guy?" 

Loki didn't know how long Bucky had been standing in the doorway, but he honestly didn't care. It wouldn't be the first time Bucky had seen him deep in thought, making faces at his own idiocy. 

"Not really. I don't know how to do what you said. I don't know how to  _stop_..." 

Loki didn't have to finish. Bucky already knew what he was saying. Loki didn't know how to stop being mean to himself. He didn't know how to  _not_ hate himself. 

"I know, man. Listen, don't- beat yourself up for  _that_ too. Just try to remember that you were young. We all make mistakes. And what were you going to do? It's not like you could have overthrown that old bastard. You're doing the right thing now." 

Bucky lifted Fennie from the bed and began stroking her fur. 

"C'mon. We're going to see your kid. He's going to be  _thrilled_ to see his old man after all this time. And even if there's some awkwardness, you'll feel better, I promise. I'll be there the whole time. And so will Fennie.  _Won't you, doll?_ " 

Loki made a gagging sound at the ridiculous baby voice Bucky used to speak to Fennie, but he smiled nonetheless. 

 

When they were finally seated in the quinjet, Tony sat down next to Loki. 

"How would you feel about your son being part of the team? That's the only way I could sell it to Fury. We would bring him back here...somehow, and I could have a nice place built to house him. We would only use him if the circumstances called for it. But he would be required to train with us so he knows what we're about." 

Loki could feel the eyes of every person in the jet on him as he contemplated his answer. 


	15. Chapter 15

"What the--?" Bucky muttered. He was staring out the window of the quinjet at the strange scene before them. It wasn't the  _enormous_ wolf that had him tongue-tied, or the impossibly thin shiny chains that bound the massive creature. It was the menagerie of tiny, seemingly helpless animals that had crowded around Loki's son. 

Loki chuckled through the tears that had begun to stream down his cheeks in rivulets. 

"I should have known... he used to do the same thing as a child. He protected those who couldn't protect themselves." 

"Like a true Avenger," Tony bumped Loki's arm suggestively. Loki ignored him. He still hadn't answered the metal man's question, and he wouldn't. Not before speaking with his son about that possibility first. 

Bucky smiled reassuringly. "Go on, dad. It'll be okay. If you need us, we'll be here. Take Fennie with you. She'll fit right in with his...friends." 

Loki peered out the window again. He was far more nervous about approaching Fenrir than he had been about going to Jor. Fenrir was an incredibly loving soul, but he was hurt so easily Loki was afraid he might not want to see him. Loki cradled Fennie in his arms, even though Fennie was perfectly capable of walking on her own, and stepped outside the jet. They had landed far enough away so as not to startle his son. Startling a wolf his size would be a terrible mistake even if he was locked in chains. The damage he could do to the quinjet would be catastrophic. 

As Loki closed the gap between Fenrir and himself, he whistled- a secret sound he used to make when Fenrir was a small child. He didn't know if his son would even remember the call, but he wanted to try. Several small animals, including what looked to be an entire family of brown rabbits, scurried out from under Fenrir's left paw as his son whipped his head around toward the sound. 

"Who goes there? Who  _dares_ to make that sound?" 

Loki was suddenly unable to move. Fenrir had recognized his whistle, but he'd thought someone was impersonating him. To what ends? 

"Fenrir... " Loki breathed. "Fennie." 

He knew no one else in the realms would call his son by  _that_ name. None had the guts to do so for fear of losing their limbs. He stepped closer, allowing his son to see him for the first time. 

" _Papa?_ " 

"It's me, Fennie. I... I've missed you. It's taken me ages to find you, my son."

Despite how hard he fought, Loki couldn't seem to make the tears stop flowing once they had started. The last time he'd seen Fenrir, his wolf son had been huge, but still small enough for him to manage alone. Now, he was much bigger, and his eyes showed his age. It was difficult looking into those eyes knowing that they'd only seen  _this place_ for hundreds of years.

"Papa, come closer. You know I cannot move," Fenrir's rough voice growled. 

"I- I know, son. I'm here to rectify that." 

As Loki stepped toward Fenrir, his son snorted. 

"I've been trying to break free of these chains for a very long time, papa. I just don't think it's possible." 

Fenrir's voice was full of doubt and something else Loki couldn't quite place. Regret? He wondered what his son could possibly regret.  _He_ was the one who was full of regret. He'd been the one who'd allowed his son to be locked up for centuries. His eyes filled again as he stood there looking at Fenrir- the most magnificent creature he'd ever laid eyes on- lying on the ground. Moss grew on his paws where he'd let them lay for so long without moving. There were flowers sprouting up between his legs and tall grass grew around his tail. Loki sighed. 

"Let me try...just let me try," Loki whispered. 

Loki hadn't been paying much attention to Fennie as she lay in his arms, but Fenrir had noticed her. His gaze followed her everywhere Loki went while he inspected Fenrir's chains. 

"Papa, who is your little friend?" 

Fennie wasn't that little anymore. She was well on her way to being a full grown cat, but Loki didn't like to think about that. It was difficult thinking of her growing old so quickly. He'd been so lonely before he found her, and his life had changed so dramatically afterward he couldn't imagine life without her. 

"Her name is, well, it's  _Fennie_. I named her after you." 

Loki hesitated in answering. He didn't want his son to think he'd been replaced. It had felt like he was honoring Fenrir by naming Fennie after him, but now that he was standing in front of the son he'd failed so badly, it felt  _wrong_. Loki didn't know what to say, so he waited for Fenrir's response. 

"Can she come and play with me while you... _try_?" Fenrir gave him a lopsided sort of wolfy smile, and Loki let out a sigh of relief. 

He could tell by the way Fenrir said  _try_ that his son didn't believe he would succeed, but Loki wouldn't leave without freeing him. It had been far too long, and he'd be damned if that moss was going to travel all the way up his son's legs. He let Fennie down, and wasn't surprised that she ran straight to Fenrir, purring as if she'd known him forever. Loki wondered if Fenrir smelled anything like him. 

When Loki found a place where he could use his Seidr to break the chains, he asked Fenrir to keep Fennie from chasing the light. 

"She likes my magic, and this might be a bit...intense. Could you keep her safe for me, my son?" 

Fenrir nodded gravely, but Loki could see that he remained unconvinced that his spell would work. 

 

 

"What's he doing?" Steve asked, peering through the window. 

Bucky had been watching the entire exchange, so he was fairly certain he knew what was going on. 

"He told me he was going to use his S- his S--  _dammit_ \-- his magic to break those chains, but I mean...  _look_ at them. They're so flimsy. I could cut through those with my knife!" 

Stark patted him on the back and chuckled. 

"Actually, if what I read is true, those chains are the strongest chains in the universe. They were made thin like that to trick Fenrir into allowing the Asgardians to chain him up. It was like a contest of sorts. They brought chains and bet him that he couldn't break free. That is, until they had these specially made... and when he couldn't break them, the assholes wouldn't let him go. Odin just cast him out of Asgard." 

Bucky shook his head in disgust. "That is  _really_ fucked up, man. No wonder Loki is so pissed all the time." 

The three of them stopped talking when they saw Loki's characteristic green light flashing. It seemed the light grew brighter and brighter, but nothing was happening. They watched as Loki clenched his jaw and braced himself, continuing the stream of bright green light. His face became pale, and his hands trembled with the effort until he finally dropped to the ground beside his son. Bucky flung open the door to the quinjet and ran to Loki's side. 

"Loki! What happened? Loki!" 

He reached over to touch Loki's wrist, finding his pulse and sighed with relief. Looking over at the chains, he realized that one link had been severed. 

"Oh my god, he did it! Loki, you  _did it!"_  

Fenrir, who was still cradling Fennie, looked to the side where Bucky was pointing. 

"He broke the chain? He really broke it?! Papa? Papa!" 

Loki groaned and began to stir, and Bucky yelled toward the quinjet. 

" _Bring some water or... fuck... something. I don't know... just... help!"_

Kneeling down at Loki's side, Bucky was frantic with worry. He didn't know how to help his friend- not with  _this_. If he'd been shot or stabbed, Bucky would be able to give him first aid without a problem, but this was absolutely  _not_ his area of expertise. 

"Loki, man... you gotta wake up. What do you need? Come on... please." 

Loki blinked his eyes and looked up at Bucky. 

"I failed. Again," he shook his head, "Just...leave me here. I want to stay with my son." 

"No! You  _didn't fail!_ Look! One of the links is broken! All we have to do is unwrap him! He's free!" 

Loki looked confused for a moment, but smiled when he saw that Bucky was right. Tony ran from the quinjet with a hand full of supplies- water, gatorade, some sort of concoction he drank after missions that Loki wouldn't  _dare_ put in his mouth, and a few pieces of candy. 

"Take your pick, dad." 

Loki drank some water, but was distracted by the idea of finally freeing his son. "Help me... help me get the chains off," Loki rasped. 

"Jeez man... that spell broke you," Bucky said. Tony laughed, and Loki couldn't help but chuckle even though it drained him even more. 

 

 

Fenrir had been sitting there keeping Fennie busy while everyone looked after Loki. He'd promised his father he would keep her safe, and that's what he did, even though he was  _dying_ to unwrap those chains. He'd known his father would be alright. He'd seen Loki drain himself that way before, but never quite as badly. 

As Loki, Bucky, and Tony worked to unwrap Fenrir's chains, Fenrir asked Loki if he'd meant what he said. 

"Were you really going to stay here with me? Like this? It's a boring life, you know. Especially in the winter when there are no animals to play with." 

Loki didn't know how to express what he was feeling. He'd never been good at that. Being shut down by his brother  _and_ his adoptive father for so long had taken its toll on his ability to deal with emotions. No one ever asked him to say what was on his mind and heart unless it had something to do with war. 

"I couldn't leave you, son. I've spent far too long without you. And...it's my fault you're here in the first place. The least I could do is suffer right along with you. I deserved nothing less. If I could go back in time and take your place, I would." Loki dropped his head. "I failed you. I should have  _killed_ Odin and every single one of the Aesir who did this to you before allowing them to send you somewhere I could not follow. I'm so sorry, son." 

Fenrir saw the tears falling onto Loki's chest, and as soon as he was freed, the massive wolf curled around his papa, burying him in fur. 

"It wasn't your fault, papa. I never blamed you. I thought of you often, but I never blamed you."

Loki felt a giant tongue slurp the side of his face, and he couldn't control his laughter. He hadn't felt that in so long, it made his chest ache. 

 

 

"Fenrir, I have an important question to ask you. And...it's alright if you say no," Loki said after they'd spent several hours wrestling each other in the fields nearby; Fennie chasing Fenrir's shadow. 

Loki explained the situation with the Avengers, asking Fenrir if he'd be willing to help them when they needed him. He also explained that they would provide him with adequate shelter and food, and that he wouldn't be alone anymore. It pained Loki to think of any of his children joining a league of superheroes, especially considering the fact that he was basically being held captive by them, but if this was the only way, then Loki could deal with it.

"Papa, I'll do anything to be close to you again. I've missed you." 

 

 

When Loki told the rest of the team the news, Stark was practically foaming at the mouth with excitement, but Loki had thought of one caveat. 

"Stark, would you mind... _not_ telling my son why I'm here? He doesn't know that I'm your prisoner. We just finished freeing him from chains, and I--" 

Before Loki could finish, Tony slapped him on the shoulder. 

"You got it." 

Loki started to walk away, and Tony called after him. 

"Oh, and Loki? You're more of a friend who's  _required_ to live here now than a _prisoner,_ anyway."  

 


	16. Chapter 16

Loki didn't think gods could have coronaries like humans could, but he was very close to having one while watching Fennie playing with Fenrir. Fennie was perched atop Fenrir's head while Fenrir ran around and around his new "training facility" Stark had commissioned for him. The place was enormous; fit for a massive wolf who was training to be an Avenger. As much as Loki trusted his son, the sight of Fennie gripping Fenrir's fur with her tiny claws was giving him anxiety. However, Fenrir looked  _so happy_ , he decided he wouldn't trade that for his own comfort. 

"Your boy is doing very well."

Stark had snuck up behind him as he was watching his two  _kids_. They'd discovered that Fenrir was completely unwilling to track someone unless he knew exactly  _why_ he was doing so. He had to have details. Fenrir was extraordinarily passive, so he had to know some pretty incriminating information about a person before he was willing to think about harming them. However, when he had absolute  _proof_ that someone had committed a heinous crime, he'd tear them limb from limb. To say that Loki was proud was an understatement. 

Loki covered his eyes as Fennie slid off of Fenrir's head, and the great wolf caught her with a swoosh of his massive tail. 

"It's alright, dad. Fenrir has some kick-ass reflexes. He's a force of nature... just like his papa," Stark smiled. 

There were times when Loki looked around and couldn't believe how far he'd come in the last few months. It had all started with Fennie. He owed his entire  _life_ to a tiny abandoned kitten. A few months ago, he would have scoffed at the mere  _idea_ , but now he wouldn't have it any other way. 

 

"About that- your other kid---" Tony started, but Loki shook his head vehemently. 

Loki did  _not_ want to talk about Hel. There was no way he could 'visit' her as he'd done with Jor, and there certainly wasn't any way he could bring her back to the tower. Odin had taken one look at his baby daughter and declared her unfit for Asgardian society simply because she didn't look like everyone else. He'd said she would never fit in with the Aesir; that they would never accept her; she would be shunned. Loki would have  _died_ before he allowed that to happen, but Odin and his Einherjar had come in the dead of night to tear her away from his lover's sleeping arms. He would later learn she'd been sent to 'rule the underworld,' which had consequently been named after her. Loki had tried to retrieve her many times. He'd even tried to  _die_ in order to see her again, but he had a sneaking suspicion his daughter wouldn't allow that to happen. 

Stark looked confused by Loki's sudden change in mood, and he started to walk away, but Loki quickly touched his shoulder. 

"It's...complicated." 

Stark laughed and waved his arm toward Fenrir, who was still running around the complex. 

"It's  _more_ complicated. My daughter is...the ruler of Hel." 

Stark let out a barking laugh. "I shoulda known. Well, when you want to pull on that thread, let me know. I'm in," Tony said nonchalantly, and he strolled away. 

 

Loki had just managed to stop thinking of Hel and her uniquely beautiful face when Bucky walked up beside him. 

"When do you think you'll be joining him?" He jerked his head toward Fenrir. 

Loki frowned. "Joining him  _how_ , Barnes? Running around the training center?" 

Bucky laughed and slapped him on the back. "No! I mean-- when are  _you_ going to join the team? Don't tell me Stark hasn't asked." 

"He hasn't. Come on, Bucky. Tony may have forgiven me, but he's not going to allow me within five hundred yards of any top secret weaponry," Loki rolled his eyes. 

"Dude, you  _are_ top secret weaponry. Give it up, man... you're going to be an Avenger before it's all over."

 

Loki stood and watched his son and his cat for a while longer before retiring to his room. He couldn't stop thinking of Hel and how she'd been so young the last time he'd seen her. She was just a baby in Asgardian years, but her face had gotten her tossed out of the  _home of the gods_. Every time Loki heard Asgard described that way, he wanted to blow things up. Yes, it  _was_ the  _home of the gods_ , but only because Odin made sure to throw away anything or any _one_ he deemed to be imperfect- including his baby girl. 

He remembered the day she was born. He'd known she would be different, just as Jor and Fenrir were, but he'd had no idea she would be the single most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on. Perhaps that was how all fathers felt about their daughters. It seemed her face had been divided...one half looked quite like the Aesir; perfectly peachy skin and a  blushing pink cheek. The other side looked very much like the Jotnar, but with a few exceptions. The skin on that was pale white instead of blue, and though she did have some bloodlines on her forehead and cheek, they were not very pronounced. The eye on her 'Aesir' side was green, while the one on her other side was the bluest he'd ever seen, and her hair was as black as his own. Loki couldn't understand how anyone could look at her and not see her striking beauty. 

It wasn't just Hel's looks that were unique. She also possessed a gift for seiðr that Loki hadn't known was even possible. He'd always been under the impression that seiðr had to be  _taught_ , but Hel had been born with more talent than he had as a fully grown, fully trained adult sorcerer. It was subtle at first, but he could feel the underlying current of energy surging in her skin, especially in her right side- the Jotun side. Then two days after her birth, she became hungry and objects began flying around the room. She'd screamed and cried, and her little arms had flailed, and Loki couldn't do anything but try to protect himself from breaking glass. He remembered  _exactly_ how proud he'd felt, and how he had begun making plans to tie everything to the shelves. 

 

Loki heard his bedroom door creak, and he sighed. The only person who was stupid enough to simply walk into his room without knocking was his brother, and he certainly didn't feel like talking to  _him_ right then. 

"Get out." 

He didn't. Loki assumed he wouldn't, but he had to try. He sighed louder. 

"Loki, I... I know you're not going to talk to me, and I understand why, but I came to say I'm sorry. For everything," Thor shrugged. 

Loki didn't know if Thor expected him to just pretend that his meager apology was going to fix everything, but it absolutely  _would not_. Not only had Thor been complacent when Loki had lost his children, but he'd mocked Loki afterward. 

"I know that isn't going to change anything between us, brother. I just wanted you to know. I wish I could do something to make up for everything I've done to you." 

Loki almost let him walk away, but changed his mind at the last moment. 

"You can," he muttered.

Thor turned abruptly, with an expression on his face like Loki had just proposed to him. Loki almost laughed. When Thor wanted something, he looked like a begging dog; so obviously desperate. It made Loki want to toy with him a bit more just to be cruel, but the request he had in mind was going to be difficult enough. 

"What is it, Loki?" Suspicion suddenly colored Thor's expression, and Loki realized his brother would never fully trust him. That was probably smart. 

Loki paced his room for a moment, twisting his fingers together. 

"You failed to protect my children when they were young; failed to notify me when Odin was coming for them. Now my son is an Avenger, and so are you. I am asking you to look after him- to protect him when I am not around to watch out for him. I realize he  _looks like_ a giant hulking beast, but he is far softer than any of you realize." 

It was difficult for Loki to imagine his son in a situation where beings with superhuman strength were attacking him, and Loki wouldn't be there to keep him safe. He wondered if that would make him a good father or a bad Avenger, or both. He knew they protected each other as part of a team, but he also knew that he would throw  _every single one of them_ from a cliff before he let his son come to harm. Definitely a bad Avenger...

Thor nodded solemnly, and turned to leave. 

"Oh, and  _don't you dare tell him I said that._ " 

Loki heard a chuckle as Thor lumbered down the hallway. 

 

 

A tiny  _mewl_ and a familiar laugh broke the silence in Loki's room. He looked up from his book to see Bucky and Tony standing at the door. 

"Hey man, we thought you might want this back," Bucky said, chuckling at Fennie.

She had climbed up his shirt and was dangling from his shoulder. Loki laughed, reaching for her automatically. He'd known she would be fine with Fenrir, but he was happy to see her after a few long hours without her. Tony looked like he wanted to say something, and Loki suddenly dreaded whatever it was. He didn't really feel like talking, especially after his chat with Thor, but there was no avoiding Stark when he was on a mission. 

"Are the myths true? About your daughter?" 

Loki sighed. He wondered if he looked as exhausted as he felt. 

"Some of them, yes. For the record, we named her  _Hel_ before she was sent to Niflheim. When she was given the task of ruling over the dead there, her domain was named  _after her_.  _Not_ the other way around. I did not name my daughter after your fiery place of damnation." 

Stark looked interested, so Loki continued. 

"She isn't some evil goddess as some stories proclaim. She  _cares_ for those who have died of illness or old age. You see, Odin has quite a prejudice against non-warriors. He doesn't think they belong in Valhalla. He doesn't think they are  _worthy_ to spend eternity there with him and his _precious_ warriors, so his Valkyrie deliver them to Hel. Perhaps if mortals didn't refer to their place of eternal damnation as  _hell_ , then the relatively benign place my daughter rules over would not seem so bad." 

Stark nodded, looking thoughtful. 

"So, you're saying that in order to get there, you have to die?" 

Loki nodded. 

"Alright big guy. If you want to see your daughter, I will find a way." 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Loki couldn't stop thinking about Stark's offer regarding Hel. Of course he wanted to see her again, even if she rejected him. When he'd gone in search of Jor, he'd been terrified that his serpent son would turn away from him, but he hadn't. And when he'd sought Fenrir out, he'd been sure that after years of being chained up in Norway, his other son would do the same. That hadn't happened either. In fact, he was standing in Fenrir's training facility at the Avenger's compound at that very moment contemplating what he would say to Tony.

What in the Nine was that madman planning anyway? Loki had told him in no uncertain terms that the only way to see her again was to  _die_ , yet somehow he was still on board. 

With Fennie wrapped in his arms, Loki strolled over to Bucky who somehow always knew what to do about his problems, even if the soldier couldn't seem to get a grip on his own. 

"Stark says he can figure out a way to see my daughter," Loki muttered.

Bucky's eyes widened, but he still stared straight ahead at Loki's enormous son who was chasing Steve around and around the giant enclosure, gaining on the super soldier with every stride. Steve dodged, but Fenrir sidestepped and caught him by the straps on his uniform, dangling the Captain gently between his massive lips. Slobber dripped down onto his shield as Steve laughed. 

"But didn't you tell him you'd have to go to Hel for that? As in  _die_ and go to Hel?" Bucky shook his head.

"He's fuckin' nuts. I think the guy just wants to prove he  _can_. He hasn't stopped to think whether he  _should_." 

 

 _"_ _Fetch!"_   Steve yelled as he threw his shield across the training facility. Fenrir bounded after it as it flew, chomping his massive teeth into the Vibranium in midair. 

Loki laughed. 

"At least he's found a way to play with my son without ending up in his mouth." 

Bucky turned abruptly, staring at Loki. 

"Didn't you say that you had another kid? Besides Jor and Fenrir and Hel?" 

Loki closed his eyes and tried to reign in his temper.  _He_ hadn't mentioned his other son, but Thor had, and now Loki was going to have to talk about him  _again_. It wasn't the most pleasant topic, especially considering the fact that Loki probably wouldn't ever see him again. 

"Yes," Loki breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Bucky held his hands up in defense. 

"I know, I know... I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again." 

Loki patted the soldier's arm to let him know that they were okay before turning to leave. He wasn't upset with Bucky, but he needed to be alone. The mere thought of Sleipnir made Loki's chest ache. He had  _carried_ Sleipnir. He'd  _given birth_ to him. Then he'd had to give him up, and Loki felt as if he'd lost a piece of his soul in the process. 

 

 

"Where's the dark lord?" Tony asked as he strutted into the common room. 

Bucky knew Loki was laying on his bed brooding, but he didn't want to tell Stark. If Loki didn't want to talk to  _him_ , he certainly wouldn't want to talk to Tony. Bucky figured the best way to stop Tony from finding Loki was to pick a petty fight. He was great at picking petty fights. 

"Why do you insist on calling him stupid names? I mean, we all know you love the guy." 

Like gasoline on a tire fire, Bucky's words made the entire room erupt. Tony's ears turned crimson as he gritted his teeth. 

" _Love_? It sounds like  _you're_ the one who loves him. Are you two like- " 

Bucky didn't let him finish. 

"Hey man,  _f_ _uck you!_  He's the only person besides Steve who even spoke to me for the first six months I was here. You treated me like I was going to flip my shit any second even though I haven't hurt anyone in years." 

Everyone in the common room was suddenly silent. They stared between the two men as if waiting for one to make a move, but neither did. Eventually, Tony let out a small huff of air, turned around dramatically, and left the room.

Bucky chuckled. His plan had worked flawlessly. He headed down the hall to try to coax Loki out of his dark mood. 

 

 

"What was that all about?" 

Bucky had almost made it to Loki's room when Steve stepped out of the shadows and pulled him into another room. Bucky sighed. He should have known his personal probation officer would question this type of behavior.

He turned to face the Captain. 

"I'll tell you what it's about. I'm sick and tired of everyone treating Loki like he's some kind of felon when he hasn't done a damn thing since the attack. When is everyone going to get it through their heads that  _it wasn't his idea_? I mean, yeah, they're all friendly when we're going to meet his kids, but as soon as he's out of earshot they make jokes and call him names. It's fucking pathetic. The worst part is,  _he knows_. He has better hearing than any of us- including  _you_. He's a  _god_. He knows what they say. He just ignores it because he's so damn used to people making fun of him behind his back. It's no wonder he's so fucking pissed off all the time. Did you ever stop to think about how he must feel on any given day? No. I'll bet you didn't. But I can tell you this; it's not much different from how  _I_ feel. Used. Discarded. Hated. Abandoned." 

Steve nodded, but didn't quite comprehend what Bucky was saying. All he heard was  _abandoned_ over and over again inside his head. He couldn't believe Bucky felt that way. He took Bucky's shoulders, squeezing them roughly as he always did. 

"I don't know what to say. I had no idea you felt that way, Buck. No one hates you, and we certainly haven't abandoned you." 

If Bucky were honest with himself, even he didn't know where that rant had come from. His argument with Stark really  _had_ been for the sake of allowing Loki some much-needed privacy. But now that he thought about what he'd said, he realized that he did feel like a prisoner at the tower. Everyone seemed to be watching him, especially now that he'd made friends with Loki. 

"You need to understand that Loki and I have a lot in common. How can you have such empathy for me when he has been through almost the same things? He was just as affected by that damn scepter as I was by Hydra's brainwashing. He didn't  _choose_ to do the things he did. He did them because he  _had_ to. He was just trying to survive."

"Steve, you have more influence over the rest of the team than you give yourself credit for. Can you please just... try to make them understand? He deserves better." 

Steve didn't answer. He merely nodded and walked away feeling more ashamed of himself than he had in a very long time. Bucky had been right. In his mind, Loki was still a villain even though he hadn't done anything to deserve that title since the attack on New York, and Bucky... he was just Bucky; his best friend who'd been brainwashed by Hydra. It wasn't fair, and Steve was going to change. Even if he couldn't change everyone else, he would certainly change himself. 

 

Bucky stood in the hallway for a moment taking long deep breaths of cool air. He hadn't gotten that worked up in a long time, and though it had felt good to let some of his feelings be known, it scared him. He didn't want to lose control. He sometimes wondered if  _he_ felt that way or if the others had made him feel that way. Had they convinced him that he would lose himself if he became emotional? Would he? He really didn't know, but he did know that he couldn't go on living like this; bottling up feelings because he was afraid to let them out. 

He wondered if Loki felt the same way. 

 

 

"Loki?" Bucky gently knocked on Loki's door, hoping his friend hadn't heard what he'd said to Steve but knowing that was a pipe dream. 

"Door's open." 

Loki wasn't laying on his bed at all. He was pacing the floor, which could indicate anger or deep thought.

Bucky was hoping for the latter. 

"Listen man, I'm sorry I brought that up earlier. I didn't mean any harm. I just know that if I had a kid somewhere..."

Bucky couldn't finish. Loki was facing the opposite wall staring off into space, but it wasn't long before he abruptly turned around. 

"Actually, I'm glad you did. Dying may not be the only way to see my precious daughter," Loki said with a smirk. 

Bucky sat down at Loki's desk. He figured if he was going to understand what Loki was about to tell him, he'd need ample blood flowing to his brain. 

"You see, Sleipnir- my other son- is a worldwalker. Have you see photos of him?" 

Bucky shook his head, and Loki opened a book he'd been toying with since the start of their conversation. Turning to the correct page, Loki handed Bucky the book. 

"This is a very crude drawing of my boy, but do you notice anything _unique_  about him?" 

Bucky's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"He has...eight legs." 

Loki smiled. "Yes, he does. Those eight legs make him very, very fast. Sleipnir doesn't require the use of the Bifrost or any other magic to travel between realms. He just  _runs through them_." 

"But doesn't Odin have him?" Bucky asked, regretting the question immediately. 

"Yes, he does," Loki smirked. 

 

"And you're thinking of stealing him from Odin...the man who wants you executed," a voice echoed from the hallway. 

Bucky turned his head to see Tony standing at Loki's door. Both men wore the same smirk, and Bucky knew then that there was no stopping them.

They were going to Asgard. 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

"Listen, I know you're twice my size, but you owe this to Loki. It's the only way he gets his kids back." 

Bucky was looking up at Thor, staring him down from below as if he could actually do the huge Asgardian god any harm. Bucky did have his super-human strength and his metal arm, but that still didn't measure up to Thor's power. Fortunately, Thor seemed to agree with Bucky. 

At first, Bucky thought he was going to be beaten with Mjolnir or struck by lightening until he couldn't walk, but Thor's head dropped mid-sentence, and Bucky heard a very low  _I know_. 

  
"Wait. You know? As in, you  _know_ you owe Loki? You realize you should do this for him?" 

"Yes. For one, he's my brother. And...secondly, I haven't been there for him as I should. He told me that himself." 

 

Loki had been perfectly capable of cloaking his presence from Heimdall since he was a child, but if their plan was going to work, Thor would have to go as well. If Loki was caught trying to steal Sleipnir, he'd be executed immediately, and even though they'd had their differences, Thor couldn't bear the thought of losing his brother.

Thor would go to the palace to speak with Odin about Loki's recently good behavior while Loki- cloaked from Heimdall's gaze- would head to the stables. Thor wasn't excited that he would take the fall for stealing his father's prized stallion, but he knew he owed Loki far more.

 

"Quite frankly, I liked the plan where we died a  _lot_ better. At least then I wouldn't have to talk to your father when this is over," Stark quipped. 

Loki rolled his eyes dramatically. 

"He's  _not_ my father." 

"Oh, right. That. Then why does he automatically get custody of your kid?" 

Thor shook his head in warning, but that didn't stop Loki from ranting. Like all of his other children, Sleipnir was a sore subject for Loki. However, Sleipnir was the one child that Odin had found a use for-  _like Loki_ \- but unlike Loki, Sleipnir's usefulness didn't depend on another realm's political status. 

"He  _used_ Sleipnir to force me to  _behave_. He knew that if he had my son, I would do anything I could to protect him. But Odin had no real  _use_ for my other children, so he sent them away, as you've already seen. They weren't good enough for Asgard's aesthetic," Loki spat. 

Thor, Tony, Bucky, and Loki were all crowded inside Tony's laboratory where Loki had used his  seiðr to shield them from Heimdall's watchful eyes. None of them actually thought the watcher would care what was going on inside Stark tower at that moment, but Loki didn't want to take any chances. 

"Brother, we only have a short time..." Thor muttered, laying a hand on Loki's shoulder. He hoped the gesture was taken as intended, but he never knew where he stood with Loki. He sighed inwardly at the knowledge that it was his own fault they were in that situation. 

Loki closed his eyes, settling his nerves and reigning in his temper. Thor was right, but it pissed Loki off when his brother acted as if  _he_ was the only one in the room who was allowed to get angry.

"This all sounds great until the part where neither of you end up coming back on the Bifrost," Bucky interrupted. "Isn't anyone going to notice  _that_?" 

Loki nodded. "Yes, but by that time, it won't matter. I will have retrieved Sleipnir, and even Odin himself cannot catch him." 

Bucky looked satisfied for only a second before piping up again. "But...what about Thor wandering around after his bogus meeting? Won't what's-his-name wonder about that?" 

Loki rolled his eyes for the hundredth time. "Thor can go anywhere he likes in Asgard. No one watches  _the golden son_ because he  _does no wrong_ ," he snapped, glaring at Thor. 

"Even when we were children, and he was beating the Hel out of me, no one believed  _me_. It was always Thor." 

Thor stepped closer to Loki, almost bumping chests with him. "And I suppose  _none_ of that was your fault? Not even when you used your magic against me? Not even when you turned yourself into random objects so you could scare me half to death? You  _provoked_ me into hitting you! Then you'd run to mother squealing about how I had hurt you. Father may have been on my side, but mother was  _always_ on yours!" 

"Mother was on my side because I had  _no one else_ , Thor! You and your friends treated me like an outsider when you realized I would never be a typical warrior. You treated me like my skills were not needed. Then when I saved you time and time again, you never bothered to thank me. You tried to claim that it was  _luck_ when  _I_ used my magic- something you'd always referred to as  _tricks_ \- to get your collective asses to safety! Then when we returned home, you would make up some long-winded tale about how YOU,  _alone_ managed to bring everyone back alive, and father would brag about your battle prowess for the next hundred years or so!" 

Loki was red-faced and grinding his teeth as Thor stood staring at him wide-eyed. Bucky was the only one in the room who moved. 

"Guys...this is great, but..."

"I was and still am completely worthless to him," Loki muttered as Bucky laid a hand on his shoulder. 

Bucky sighed, feeling more than a little worthless himself. "You're not worthless to your children, and that's why we're doing this, Loki. None of that shit from the past affects today. Let's just get this done. Can you do that thing to me too? Make me invisible so Hemlock or whatever his name is can't see me?"

" _Heimdall?"_ Thor asked. 

"Yeah, him. How the hell does he do that anyway? Can he just...watch anyone he wants? That's creepy as fuck." 

Loki didn't answer Bucky. He simply smirked at Thor. "Actually, that's brilliant. That means  _you_ can come back via the Bifrost, and I won't have to deal with you."

"But..." 

 

 

"Let's go over this once more," Loki ordered before they left the room. "Bucky and I will be cloaked, so you  _cannot acknowledge us under any circumstances,_ " he said, glaring at Thor. 

He knew his brother well. Thor was big and tough and very good in a fight, but sometimes he forgot things. Important things. 

"Don't even look in our direction. Heimdall is not stupid. If you look at us, he will know something is off." 

Thor nodded, even though he wanted to knock Loki out.

"Bucky, are you absolutely certain you want to do this? I can't be sure what will happen if we're caught. Actually, I know what will happen to  _me_ , but you would likely end up in Asgardian prison until these fools could come and save you." 

Bucky smiled. "I haven't had enough adventure in my life. What the hell," he shrugged, "Asgardian prison sounds like fun." 

"Alright, but when we arrive in Asgard, you're going to feel like you have a serious case of vertigo. The Bifrost has a way of doing that to those with little experience. You  _must_ keep quiet until we are out of Heimdall's presence. Can you do that?" 

Again, Bucky smiled. "Dude, I was an assassin. You're underestimating me here." 

Before they could finally leave the room, Tony interrupted. 

" _Wait_. Loki...can you... _oh god, I can't believe I'm about to say this..._ " Everyone turned to look curiously at Tony as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"Can you make me look like  _you_? I mean, it'll confuse the hell out of JARVIS, but at least when Thor comes back and Odin's precious horse is missing, I can show him the footage of you here in the tower...playing with your cat," he rambled. 

Loki couldn't stop laughing long enough to answer him. He simply nodded as Thor continued to look baffled. 

 

 

"Listen Stark, I know that all you're going to want to do is stare at my dick the entire time we're gone, but  _please_ take good care of Fennie for me," Loki begged. 

He was trying to make a joke, but in truth he was going to miss her far more than he cared to admit. The thought of leaving his precious Fennie with anyone made him almost sick with anxiety. 

Tony overlooked Loki's lewd comment, obviously understanding how the god was feeling. One look in his eyes told Tony that Loki was not prepared to leave his newest child with another, and though Tony had never been a cat person, he wanted to reassure Loki that Fennie would be perfectly safe. He gestured to Thor and Bucky, asking them to step out of the room for a moment. 

"Give us a sec, okay?" 

As soon as the two men left, Tony gave Loki a pat on the shoulder. "I would  _never_ say this in front of anyone else, but if anything happens to your baby girl, it's because I'm dead. I swear on my life that Fennie is in good hands. You've been through enough. I'm...proud of you." 

Loki couldn't speak. He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. 

"I suppose this is the perfect time to...turn  _you_ into  _me_. That way, I can shift the spell to cover only Bucky and myself."

Stark grinned. "Great. I've been looking forward to seeing you naked."

"If I don't return--" 

" _No_. Don't do that. This plan is going to work. And if Sleipnir needs a place to stay, he's welcome here too." 

 

 

"Don't say a word until I tell you we're safe," Loki muttered to Bucky as they stood on the roof of the tower. 

Bucky nodded solemnly as Thor called to Heimdall. Suddenly, the three of them were enveloped in brightly colored light, and Bucky's stomach was flip-flopping. The journey felt like an eternity, but was really only a few seconds. When they hit the ground, it was everything he could do to stay upright and keep his lunch down. He glanced in Loki's direction and noticed Loki looking at him with concern. Nodding once more, he let his friend know that he  _had_ this. 

"Thor. Nice to see you home," Heimdall said in greeting. 

"Good to see you too," Thor mumbled awkwardly. Loki nudged his brother in a gentle reminder to  _act normal_. 

"Father and I have a meeting, but I will see you again when we are finished." 

Loki rolled his eyes at Thor. It was amazing they ever got away with anything. 

 

As he and Bucky made their way toward the stables, Loki knew they were safe, but he found himself unable to speak. The last time he'd seen Sleipnir, he had been on his way to destroy Jotunheim. He hadn't taken his son on that particular ride. Sleipnir had expressed certain concerns that Loki hadn't wanted to hear at the time, but he wished he had taken the advice now. Everything would have been so much different. 

But he wouldn't have found Fennie. And he wouldn't have found Jor. And he certainly wouldn't be training with Fenrir every day. 

Without speaking, Loki unlocked the stable doors and led Bucky inside. Though Heimdall couldn't detect his presence, Sleipnir knew he was there immediately.

"Mama? Is it really you?" 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Sleipnir was looking at Loki with the most hopeful expression, and Loki almost couldn't believe his own eyes. He pressed his fingers to his lips, tiptoeing around the stable so he could get closer to his son. Sleipnir looked the same as he had the last time Loki had seen him. Bright white fur covered his body, but he had a dark mane- almost as dark as Loki's hair, and a few dark grey spots on his back. His eyes were so blue, they appeared to be clear when he was in the sunlight. Loki had never forgotten the affect those eyes had on him. 

He remembered the first time he'd held Sleipnir when he was only a baby, and that's how Loki thought of him- a  _baby_. He'd never been just a horse. Sleipnir had spoken to Loki after only a few short weeks. It had taken some time for Loki to shift back into his usual form after giving birth, so he'd cared for Sleipnir as only a mother could, and they had bonded. But as soon as he'd brought Sleipnir back to Asgard, Odin had taken him away. Loki had mourned, thinking Odin would send Sleipnir away just as he had done with Loki's other children. However, it wasn't long before Odin was using Sleipnir as his very own steed, and though Odin hadn't said as much, Loki knew he was bound to do as Odin wished. 

 

 _"_ I thought you were dead, Mama. Odin said you had died in the void _,"_ Sleipnir whispered. 

Loki gasped aloud, wanting nothing more than to go straight to the palace to have his vengeance on the 'father' who'd betrayed him so thoroughly. He clenched his jaw, thinking of how Sleipnir had begged when he'd left the last time. 

 

_"Mama, don't do this. We can go away together. I can take you anywhere you want to go! You'll never have to look at any of them ever again."_

 

 _Loki continued to rush around, trying his best to ignore his son's pleas. He_ had _to do this. He_ had _to prove himself- his worth- to Odin once and for all. Odin had needed him to be the catalyst for peace between Asgard and Jotunheim, but that was not going to happen. Instead, he would be Jotunheim's destruction._

 

 _"You don't understand. I_ must _," Loki replied without emotion. He didn't even look at his son. He feared that if he did, he would see those eyes and lose his resolve. He would stop halfway through his mission and end up being just as worthless as Odin thought him to be._

 

 _"I_ do _understand, mama. You're doing this to prove yourself to that dusty old man! To what ends? Please mama. This will end badly."_

 

 

Tears came to Loki's eyes as the bitter taste of regret pooled in his mouth. If anyone was going to hold his actions against him, it would be Sleipnir. It  _should_ be Sleipnir. He'd told Loki that his plan would backfire, but Loki hadn't listened. His separation from his other children hadn't been his fault after all, but his separation from Sleipnir  _had_. That crushing realization almost knocked Loki to his knees, but he knew he couldn't stop their mission to have a mental breakdown. If he was going to have any reconciliation with his son, he needed to stop thinking and push forward. 

 

"Sleipnir, my boy, I'm so sorry. I don't have the time to explain everything right now. Do you-- do you still want to go away with me?" 

Loki held his breath as Bucky looked from his face to his son's, waiting for Sleipnir's answer. Sleipnir's eyes were unreadable, and Loki attributed that to years of being under Odin's thumb. Having zero control over your own life- your own body, even- had to leave one with the ability to conceal emotions quite well. 

 

"Where are we going, mama?"

Loki sighed. He knew this would be the part his son didn't like, and Loki couldn't blame him. It sounded exactly like one of Loki's old schemes. 

 

"I want to see your sister, and then...I want you to come home with me." 

Sleipnir made a distinct animal-like sound, and Loki could tell that he was disgusted by the prospect of going to Hel. It  _was_ a rather frightening place to visit, or so Loki had heard. 

 

"You have a home? A real home?" 

There was a thinly veiled look of concern in Sleipnir's eyes, and Loki couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch his son's mane. He knew Sleipnir wasn't asking for  _himself_. He wanted to know if his mama was safe at last, or if he was still on the run; fighting with everyone he could, pissing off high level rulers and somehow managing to keep his life, and gambling with life and limb. 

Loki looked at Bucky, who had been remarkably quiet. The soldier nodded a firm  _yes_. 

"A real home. Your brother Fenrir is there, and I want you there too. It was impossible for Jor to join us, but he's quite happy where he is. Please, my son...we have very little time." 

 

Sleipnir jerked his head toward the leather straps that held his stable door closed, indicating he was ready, and Loki felt genuine relief for the first time in several hours. 

"Who is your friend?" Sleipnir asked as Loki and Bucky climbed onto his back. 

Bucky stuttered a bit, but finally introduced himself. 

"Loki says you're the fastest horse in all the..."

Before he could finish, Sleipnir shot forward, knocking the breath out of Bucky's lungs and rendering him completely speechless. Loki couldn't stop laughing long enough to make sure he was alright. 

 

 

"Are those  _weapons_?" 

Sleipnir had been running for what felt like days, and Bucky couldn't imagine how he was still standing. They had passed through miles upon miles of dense mist, and though he couldn't describe the certainty he felt, he knew they had gone underground somehow. Now, Loki's son had slowed considerably, and they were looking at a river. It wasn't just any river though. It was a river made of daggers, swords, axes, and other weapons of all kinds. They clanged together, making the sounds of battle all around, but there were no warriors in sight. Bucky wondered if he was hallucinating from a lack of sleep or from some kind of mental overload. 

 

"Yes, they are. It's said that there is a bridge up ahead, followed by the gates. However, the living do not pass through the gates if they wish to continue living," Sleipnir said, trotting briskly. 

Bucky looked at Loki, and Loki shook his head. He had been to every realm save one. It was as if the Norns had been in league with Odin all along, stopping him from ever seeing his daughter again. 

 

Though Loki found the river of weapons to be unsettling, he preferred it over the darkness and mist they had traveled through to reach it. He'd known that in order to reach Hel, they would have to travel through the trunk of the tree of Yggdrasil, but he hadn't imagined the crushing blackness they would face inside. It reminded him too much of the blackness of space and his fall through the void. If he hadn't been so determined to see his beautiful daughter again, he would have insisted that Sleipnir turn back. 

 

Sleipnir suddenly uttered a low, throaty sound, alerting the two of them that they had reached the bridge. As he began to trot over it, their path was blocked by an enormous pair of legs. Loki and Bucky both sucked in a breath, looking up to see the face of a giantess with her head cocked to the side in obvious amusement. 

"Loki Laufeyson." Her voice boomed in the darkness. "I knew you'd come, but I thought you'd be dead." 

 


	20. Chapter 20

"You didn't think I would know, Thor? You thought you could simply stroll in here and tell me that Loki has been doing exactly as ordered, and I wouldn't  _know_? I know all about your trip to see Jörmungandr. I also know that Fenrir is no longer where I left him. Do you have any  _idea_ how much danger you and those mortals have put on Midgard?"

Odin's voice was bouncing all around the throne room, and Thor had to focus on resisting the urge to wince. It hadn't occurred to him that Odin knew about Loki's visits to his other children. Of  _course_ he knew. It also hadn't occurred to him that Loki had purposefully put him in Odin's path knowing that the All-father would be absolutely livid and fully ready to delve out a tongue-lashing. 

"Tell me, Thor. How did Loki convince you to come here and make a plea for him? Did he convince you that  _you_ were the one who'd been a bad brother? Did he tell you that he was a victim because I sent his children to the far reaches of the universe?" Odin shook his head angrily. 

Thor had yet to make a sound since he'd told Odin how well-behaved Loki had been. Now that he thought about it, the whole thing felt like a trap perpetrated by Odin himself. He'd known all along how this meeting would play out. 

"I want you to go back to Midgard and retrieve Loki so he can face the punishment he deserves." 

Thor's head snapped up. " _What?_ "

"He has done nothing to make up for his mistakes. He used his time there to manipulate everyone around him and free those monsters he calls children, most likely in a scheme to use them against you, me, and everyone else who has  _wronged_ him. Bring him back here immediately." 

"No." 

"Loki doesn't deserve further punishment just because he wanted to see his own damn children. How would you feel if you knew  _I_ was bound to live in chains somewhere, and you couldn't find me? How would you feel if you thought it was all your fault? I've done a lot of things for you that I'm not proud of, but  _this_ is something I will not do, father. Loki does not deserve execution. He's done nothing wrong. In fact, it wasn't even his idea." 

Thor watched the blood rise into Odin's face as he realized that his "good" son- the one who'd always done as he was told- refused his orders. 

"Where is he, Thor? Has he escaped? Is that why you came here? To smooth things over before I found out he was gone?" 

 

Thor assured Odin that Loki was, in fact, still at the tower, but Odin dragged him to Heimdall anyway. They stood quietly as Heimdall searched through the cosmos for Loki, just as Odin had ordered him to do. Thor said a silent prayer that Stark hadn't grown bored of Fennie in the last few hours, and he was relieved when Heimdall looked up with a perplexed expression on his face.

"He's at the same place. Crawling on the floor with a cat," he laughed, "He doesn't appear to be trying to escape any time soon." 

Odin glared at Thor. 

"Do as I've told you or I will do it myself." 

Thor cast one last look at Heimdall, who was still chuckling at Tony playing with Fennie, and left Asgard, knowing he would probably not return for a very long time. 

 

 

Bucky wasn't easily frightened. Being groomed by Hydra made one a bit less sensitive to things that gave others anxiety. However, the giantess standing before them made Bucky rethink his mental fortitude just a bit. He had so many questions, and he knew that none of them would be answered any time soon. Watching Loki made him forget his fear and his curiosity for the moment, though. It was as if Loki had become a completely different person in a matter of seconds. The Loki he knew was brooding and self-conscious and possessed a level of self-loathing that Bucky had never seen.  _This_ Loki was charismatic, charming, and downright arrogant. Bucky was riveted. 

"Why in the Nine would you think  _I_ could die?" Loki asked, holding out his arms.

"My daughter is the  _ruler_ of this place. That comes with certain...privileges." 

The giantess laughed. It was a booming sound that echoed all around them and made the weapons clang even louder. Bucky tried not to shiver in the cold misty air. He noticed the hair on Sleipnir's neck rise, and he gave Loki's son a gentle pat on the back.

"Then why are your sons here? Are they not related to her as well?" The giantess asked with a smirk. 

Loki didn't answer. His mouth was open, but he couldn't make himself speak.  _Narfi and V _áli_?_  

Bucky nudged his side, urging him to answer. 

"I-- was not aware that they were here," Loki admitted. "Please, I need to see them. It has been so very long, and I did not get to say goodbye." 

Just like that, Loki was himself again, and Bucky shook his head. Evidently, Loki's children were his weakness. Any display of grandeur on his part was dropped the moment he realized his children were at stake. Bucky respected that. If he had children, he could imagine they would be his whole world. 

Again, the giantess chuckled. "You can not enter through the gates, lest you stay here forever. You must be clever enough to find another way in on your own." 

With that, she turned and walked away, leaving the three of them to catch their breath. 

For a moment, no one spoke. 

"Why are Narfi and Váli  _here_. Surely, they should be in Valhalla," Loki whispered. 

"You can ask them when we get in," Bucky mumbled, "Come on, man. We're going to see your daughter and sons." 

 

 

"What the hell are you doing back here so quickly? I thought you were going to talk to Odin about L-- _me_ ," Tony said, clearly perplexed. 

Thor had walked out of the elevator into the common room looking angry and disheveled, and Stark was suddenly afraid that something had gone very, very wrong. 

"Talk to me, _brother_."

Tony put on his very best brooding face, but Thor gave him a look that said  _just stop_ , so he sat in silence.

Fennie was clawing her way up Stark's pant leg, and he was certain he would have to send out for more band-aids by the end of the day. When Loki had left, she hadn't wanted anything to do with him. Evidently, she'd known he was an imposter. He'd done everything he could think of to get her to warm up to him, knowing that Loki would be  _beyond_ pissed if he found out that Fennie was unhappy while he was away. He'd given her dishes of the expensive half-and-half; warmed to the perfect temperature, no less. He'd made a few brand new toys that he'd thought she'd be unable to resist. He'd been wrong.

The one thing that made her want to be around him was the one thing he really hadn't wanted to do.

He'd worn Loki's dirty clothes. For three days straight.

Apparently, his scent was irresistible. 

 

Thor watched as Fennie finally clawed her way up to Stark's lap, then sat purring happily while the metal man stroked her fur. 

"Our father ordered me--"

" _Your_ father," Stark interrupted, surprising Thor. 

Tony saw a smile playing at the corners of Thor's mouth, and he almost couldn't hold it together himself. It was difficult to keep up the charade, especially when he was forced to have a conversation as the trickster. 

"Loki, listen for once. Odin has ordered me to bring you back to Asgard for proper punishment. He knows about Jor and Fenrir, and he thinks you're planning to use Fenrir against the people of Midgard." 

Stark slapped the table and jumped up, frightening Fennie and sending her darting under the nearest sofa. 

"That's bullshit! None of that was his idea! It was mine! You didn't  _agree_ to that, did you? Because so help me, if you did--" 

"Relax,  _brother_ ," Thor said through gritted teeth, "I refused. But we need a plan." 

 

 

"How close can you get to that gate, Sleipnir?" Bucky asked. 

Sleipnir trotted all the way to the gate, but Bucky did not try to open it. The wall was so high, there was no way anyone could climb it without assistance. 

"What are you doing, James? Perhaps I could go through the gates and beg my daughter to send me back..." Loki muttered. 

Bucky was staring up at the wall, still listening to the clattering of the weapons underneath. There was a distinct ledge at the top of the wall, and Bucky suddenly remembered how to scale it. He smiled, tentatively jumping down from Sleipnir's back. 

"I just need something I can use as a rope. Do you see anything? It's so  _foggy_." 

"To you, maybe," Sleipnir replied. "Will vines suffice? There are plenty in that tree over there." 

Loki smiled, proudly patting his son's fur. 

" _That's_ how you could see in all the darkness earlier!" Bucky exclaimed in awe, "Your eyesight must be phenomenal!" 

"I'm the son of a god. What did you expect?" Sleipnir let out a half-chuckle, half-whinny, and Loki laughed. 

"Could you lead me to the vines? I can't see  _anything_." 

 

 

Several minutes later, Bucky had fashioned a rope from the vines he'd gathered. As he sat at the top of the wall, he helped Loki climb up. Bucky promised he would wait at the top; watching both sides so Sleipnir was safe. 

As Loki climbed down the other side, he heard two familiar voices cry out in unison. 

_"Papa!"_

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

Loki was down on his knees with both boys wrapped in his arms; tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't  _believe_ his boys were there. They seemed so happy; so fulfilled. 

"Narfi, Váli...how did you get here? I thought you'd be in Valhalla. You both died honorably! In battle! Why, my sons?" 

He was so distraught by the idea that they hadn't made it to Valhalla that he almost failed to see how lovely Hel really was. 

"Look around you, papa," Narfi replied, "We  _chose_ to come here. You spoke of our sister so much when we were small. We were...dying to meet her," he giggled.  

Váli chuckled as well, and they both broke down in a fit of laughter. Loki watched in awe for a few moments before he began to chuckle a bit himself. His boys' laughter had always been contagious, and it seemed even more so now. As he looked around, he realized that Hel was definitely not the place he'd heard about all his life. The others around them were happy; doing things they seemed to enjoy. There were animals and trees, birds and flowers, and Loki almost felt as if he had come to the wrong place. 

"Speaking of your sister...is she  _busy_?" 

Narfi conjured a huge chunk of chocolate out of thin air, stuffing it in his mouth before answering. 

"Oh yeah... she's just trying to convince mama to come out. Mama thinks everyone is pranking her again. But to be fair, we'd never prank her about  _this_ ," he gestered at Loki. 

Loki felt all of the blood drain from his face.  _Mama?_ He knew  _their_ mama wasn't dead, so who was he speaking of? He stared at Narfi for a moment trying to discern whether his son was actually speaking of  _her_. His lost love.

"Narfi--

 

"Papa! I wondered when that crusty old bastard would finally allow you to come see me!" 

Loki turned to see Hel- his beautiful baby girl- all grown up and standing before him. She was utterly resplendent, dressed in a shimmering green gown and a golden crown. She held out her arms, and Loki's eyes filled with tears once more. Pulling her close, he inhaled, hoping her scent hadn't changed even though she was hundreds of years old. 

 

"He didn't. Bucky...my friend, and I...we went to Asgard and took Sleipnir, but he couldn't make it over the wall. Bucky is up on top keeping an eye on him." 

Suddenly, Hel let out a sound that Loki did not recognize. Seconds later, the giantess they had met earlier peeked her head over the gate. 

"Your majesty?" 

Hel's expression was one of barely contained irritation, and Loki could tell that if he weren't standing there, the giantess would be getting a dressing down. 

"Have you forgotten that I am the queen?"

The giantess lowered her head. "No, your majesty." 

"Did you not know who my father was?"

"Yes, your majesty, I did." 

"Then why did you force him and his friend to claw their way up the wall like common criminals? My father is a  _king_ , and he shall be treated as such. Open the gate and allow his friend and my  _brother_ Sleipnir inside."

The giantess nodded, but Hel continued. "Remember Móðguð,  _I_ am the one who decides who is allowed to come in and who is allowed to leave with their lives,  _not you_."

 

When Loki found his voice again, he shouted up to Bucky, letting him know that he was free to come down. Sleipnir trotted through the gates and nuzzled Loki the second the gates opened. Bucky, evidently already over scaling up and down walls for the day, surprised everyone by jumping down and landing solidly on two feet. Hel glanced at Loki, raising her eyebrows, and Loki shrugged. 

 

"So this is Sleipnir? My darling brother that I've heard so much about? Narfi and  Váli have missed you so much," she cooed, stroking his mane. 

"Sleipnir!"  Váli cried, climbing onto his back. Sleipnir snuffled happily and jerked his head at Narfi. "You too. Come on. I missed you." 

As the two boys played with their long lost brother, Loki decided it was time to inquire about Narfi's comment from earlier. 

"Narfi said 'mama' was here. Who...is he talking about?" 

Loki held his breath waiting for his daughter's answer. He desperately wanted to see her again, and he knew that could never happen any other way. And he wanted her and at least  _one_ of their children to be together, but he never wanted it to be like this. 

Hel smiled kindly.

"Papa, I think you already know. Would that be so bad, papa? What do you think of this place? When I was sent here, I was angry, depressed, and completely miserable. But there were people here who needed something more. I couldn't let them down. I couldn't punish them for the emotional trauma that I was suffering. So I went to work making this place a haven for everyone who comes here. Did you expect it to be like this, papa?"

Loki wanted to talk with Hel about what a wonderful job she'd done, but he was in physical pain waiting for her answer. Still, he was able to set his own thoughts aside because his daughter was seeking his approval, and he knew  _exactly_ how that felt. He looked around once more, taking note of the beauty she'd created for the people who had not reached Valhalla. It was quite breathtaking, and he decided right then that he did not wish to go anywhere else when the time came. 

He took her face in his hands, smiling to himself when he realized it felt exactly as it had when she was just a small child. 

"My beautiful girl, you have made me so proud. I agonized over losing you. I've spent  _so many years_ wondering what I could have done to stop him. I should have realized that you were strong enough to weather any storm and make it bow to your will. You are a true queen." 

As Loki wiped the tears from Hel's cheeks, she nodded her head. "She's here, papa. Mama is here. Come see for yourself." 

"There's something you need to know. Something...I'd like for you to share with the people of Asgard-  _especially_ the young boys," she said as they walked together.

Loki nodded, tilting his head in curiosity.

"For centuries, Odin has told them that Valhalla was for the elite warriors; that dying without honor would land them in Hel- a place that  _no on_ _e_ could ever want to be- but that's a lie. You can see for yourself that this place is a peaceful afterlife. Yes, it is heavily guarded, but show me a realm that isn't! Odin has been lying to the citizens of Asgard for centuries in order to gain a stronger army. The people send their children to train to be warriors for the sole purpose of dying in battle, and  _that is not right._ They need to know the truth, papa." 

Loki couldn't believe he hadn't put the pieces together himself, but he knew that Hel was telling the truth. He'd even heard mothers telling their sons that becoming a warrior was one's only option if they wanted the Valkyries to take them to Valhalla. 

He'd been thinking of all of Odin's betrayal's when Hel turned to smile at him. 

"Don't be afraid, papa. She's happy here...and the boys call her mama too."

 

 

"Loki?" 

It  _was_ her. His Angrboða. His  _angel_.

Loki remembered the day they met. He'd had a fight with Odin in the weapons vault.  _The_ fight. He'd just found out he wasn't really Asgardian, and Odin had revealed several half-truths that had left him confused and angry. After meeting with Laufey to gauge whether he even recognized his own son, Loki was wandering aimlessly through the thick snowy forest when he found her hut. She'd realized he was hurting immediately, and somehow provided the comfort he needed in a way that Loki could accept. It was as if she was born to be a wife and mother. Loki later found out that Angrboða understood his pain so well because she was only half Jotun, herself. Her father was Vanir, and the Frost Giants had shunned her so completely that she'd made her home in the forest, far away from civilization.

It wasn't long before Angel- as he called her- was pregnant with their first child, Fenrir. 

 

"Angel," he said; his voice husky and weak. "What happened to you, my love?" 

He walked toward her and tentatively reached out, sighing in relief as she threw herself into his arms. 

 

"Oh Loki... It was all just  _too much_. Fenrir and Jor and Hel... and then  _you_. When you fell, I just..." Her eyes were wide with the memory of her pain, and Loki pulled her close again.

"The Valkyries came for me. They said I had fought bravely, but I ultimately lost the battle with my own broken heart," she sobbed. "I chose to come here. I knew our baby girl was here, Loki. And I-- I thought you would be too..." 

Loki held her as tightly as he could, whispering to her as he used to do when they lived together. After she'd become pregnant with Fenrir, Loki had built them a home just outside of Vanaheim in hopes that no one would bother them. He'd been a fool. After Odin sent their children away, Loki made his plan to destroy Jotunheim. He'd thought that if he made Odin proud, the All-Father would have mercy and bring at least  _one_ of them back. Angel had been so distraught; so listless, he was afraid she would never fully recover. And they'd  _both_ had reason to want the Frost Giants gone. Angel had grasped the sides of his helmet and kissed him goodbye as he'd left for the palace that day. 

"I can't believe you...you..." Loki couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Took my own life? My love, what did I have to live for? My babies were gone, and I thought you had died. I wanted to die  _with_ you. Loki, I never stopped loving you, even as long as I've been here. I still love you." 

Suddenly, Loki couldn't remember why he needed to leave there. What was stopping him from staying there with her and his boys and his beautiful daughter?  _Why would he leave?_ He felt himself clinging to her in a way that wasn't quite right, and he heard Hel's voice, but he couldn't understand what she was saying. All he wanted was to  _stay._ His vision grew blurry, but it did not matter. He was holding on to his Angel. He just wished James would  _stop talking._  

 

"What did you do to him?" Bucky yelled. 

Hel was calm as she answered.

"I was afraid of this. He has become overwhelmed with longing and grief. You  _must_ remind him why he has to return with you. Otherwise, he will die here."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Móðguð- A giantess who guards the bridge outside the gates of Hel. The name translates to "Furious Battler."


	22. Chapter 22

"Why are you wearing that?" 

It was the first time Thor had spoken since he'd stomped into the tower, and Tony wasn't sure how to answer. He was supposed to be Loki, so any answer that wasn't dripping with sarcasm would be suspect. 

"Would you prefer me naked, brother?" 

Thor's mouth twitched as he glared at Tony, and they both tried very hard not to laugh. Instead, Tony reached down to pet Fennie's head, giving Thor a very pointed look. He was amazed when Thor actually understood what he was trying to convey. 

 

A few hours later, Thor was sitting at the kitchen island silently contemplating what he was going to do about Odin's demand when he noticed that Tony had finally stopped talking. The metal man had been babbling for twenty minutes about how he-  _Loki_ \- could just become an Avenger; how they could protect him from Odin, and how they couldn't let Odin take him away when he'd made so much progress. Thor looked up expecting to see Loki's image, but instead he saw Tony- then Loki- then Tony. 

"Stark-- what is happening?" 

"I don't know... I'm obviously not doing this. Does the illusion wear off after a time, or--?

Fennie leaped away from him when she noticed that he wasn't who she thought he was, giving him a look of pure contempt before strutting over to the couch and making her bed there. 

Thor stood, knowing there was something very wrong if Loki's illusion was slipping in and out. 

"I must go. Loki is in trouble." 

 

 

"Loki...come on, man. Look at me," Bucky whispered. He wasn't exactly sure if his friend could hear him, but Hel had said it was his job to convince Loki to go back home, and he'd be damned if he failed. 

"You have to come back. You have to come home. Everyone is waiting for us. Sleipnir is just outside. He's  _so excited_ about going to Earth, or Midgard... whatever you guys call it. And Fennie. What will Fennie do if you don't come home? She needs you. She doesn't even _like_ Stark, and she merely tolerates me. You're her dad too."

Loki could hear Bucky's voice, but he was just  _so comfortable_. He'd never felt such comfort in his entire life. He remembered feeling horrible guilt and gut-wrenching longing just before his mind went blank and he ended up...here- wherever that was. Was he asleep? He wasn't having nightmares, so he couldn't be asleep. Was he  _dead_? Were they all dead, and he just didn't remember how they'd died? It was too confusing, so he decided to ignore it and just focus on how good he felt at that moment. 

"Let me stay instead. Make him wake up, and I'll-- I dunno-- I'll take his place." 

Bucky was on the verge of begging Hel to do whatever she could. She just stood there like she  _wasn't_ the queen of the underworld, and Bucky was beginning to get extraordinarily pissed off. Loki was her father, and she was just letting him die. 

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You see James, all these years I've waited to see my father again. I want him to live. I truly do. But I'm far too selfish to pour my entire soul into convincing him to go back. Don't you understand that?" 

She reached down to touch Loki's face, and Bucky flinched. He  _did_ understand, but he also knew that she was being a brat. 

"Loki, if you don't wake up right now, I'm going to stay here too! You want me to live, don't you? I can't do this without you. You're my best damn friend. You don't treat me like a time bomb, and you make me feel like I'm not alone." 

He looked up at Hel again; determination lighting his eyes. 

"I'm staying with him, no matter where he is." 

Hel shook her head. "You can't. Only the dead are allowed to stay here, James." 

Bucky glared at her as he took his hidden dagger out of his boot, holding it up to his throat. 

 

 

Thor knew that if he returned to Odin, the All-father would have no sympathy for his adopted son. In fact, he'd rather leave Loki in Hel than help him out of whatever situation Loki had gotten himself into. However, he had no idea how he would get to Hel without Odin's help. As he called out to Heimdall, he realized he would have no choice but to either tell his father what had happened, or live with knowing he could have helped Loki but chose not to. 

When he arrived in Asgard, Thor could see that things were tense. Heimdall's face was drawn, and he searched the realms as if he was looking for something important. 

"Thor. Where is your brother?" 

"He's... at the tower. You saw him. He's playing with Fennie. I just spoke with him," Thor lied. He knew Heimdall could see right through him, but he didn't know what else to do. 

Thor started to walk away, knowing that Heimdall couldn't  _stop_ him, really. Besides being physically stronger than Heimdall, Thor was a prince. It was treason for him to act against the All-father's son. He felt guilty for even  _thinking_ such thoughts after the way Heimdall had protected him and Loki throughout their entire childhoods. 

Before he could leave, Heimdall grasped Thor's arm just as he had when Thor was a child. 

"I know he's not at the tower, and Sleipnir is missing. I want to help you, but you must tell me where he is. I cannot see him."

 

 

A single drop of blood hit the floor. It seemed no one in the room heard it, but to Loki it sounded like breaking glass. 

Suddenly, the bliss he'd felt just moments before was gone. The air that came rushing back into his lungs felt like fire, but he wasn't going to allow his friend to do  _this_. He flung himself at Bucky with every ounce of strength he had, knocking the dagger from his friend's hand and landing them both on the floor in a heap. 

 _"Stop!_ " 

"Not one more, James. Not one more innocent person will die because of me.  _Especially not you_. What the  _fuck_ were you thinking?" 

Hel stood watching the pair of them, smirking to herself. Bucky had been right. She _could have_  made Loki leave, but she wanted him to know that someone on Midgard loved him just as much as the people who were there in Hel. She'd known that Bucky was that person. Why else would that man have come all the way to Hel with Loki? 

Bucky lay panting on the floor as Loki glared down at him. He grinned; overcome with relief that Loki was back. 

"I'm not innocent. I've killed more people than you could ever imagine, Loki. I remember every single one of them, and they haunt my dreams. You're the only person on Earth who doesn't treat me like I'm one breath away from becoming an assassin again. I literally cannot go back there without you.  _That's_ what I was thinking." 

Loki reached out a hand to help his friend stand, but Hel interrupted them.

"Where did  _this_ come from?" 

Her eyes were wide as she stared at the object that had rolled away after Loki and Bucky's brawl on the floor. She bent down to pick it up, smirking. 

"I haven't seen one of these in... a very, very long time. Did you bring this with you, papa?"

Loki eyed the golden apple before turning to stare at Bucky. "No, I did not. Bucky?" 

Bucky stared at his feet for a moment. 

"I stole it while you were talking with Sleipnir at the stables. I knew you needed it for Fennie, so I thought..." 

"You didn't steal it for  _yourself_?" Hel asked incredulously. 

Bucky chuckled. "Hell no. I've already been alive for over seventy years. It ain't all it's cracked up to be. Why would I want to be immortal? Fuck that." 

 

Hel let out a deep throaty laugh, slapping Bucky across his back. "I _like_ him." 

Turning to Loki, she suddenly grew serious. 

"Papa, you know I would love to keep you here, but you must go back. You have at least one friend who truly needs you," she nodded toward Bucky, "and several children- including this...Fennie...who need their papa. You can go back knowing that we are safe and happy. We love you, and you have a place here, but only when you're ready. It's not time yet. There is so much more left for you to do." 

Angrboða, who had remained mostly silent, stood and took Loki's hands. 

"My love, I never meant to cause you such pain. I only wanted you to know that I still love you. I will  _always_ love you. And I'll be here waiting." 

Silent tears started to stream down Loki's face, but his Angel wiped them away. 

"You're the strongest man I've ever known. Go back and _live_. Tell our babies that I love them. Then come home to me when you're ready." 

 

 

Thor had one question for Heimdall before he could go any further. 

"Where is mother?" 

Heimdall's hesitation told Thor all he really needed to know- Odin had expected him to bring Loki back, and when he did, Odin wanted Frigga to be away from the palace. 

"She's in Vanaheim. The All-father sent her to take care of a small political matter." 

Thor shook his head. "He sent her away because he didn't want her around when Loki returned. He knew she would stop him...again." 

Heimdall nodded. "Thor, where is he? We need to find him before Odin does." 

Thor closed his eyes. "Hel. He's in Hel. Can you get me there?"

"I can, but it won't be easy or pleasant. Are you sure you want to do this?" 

Thor nodded. He and Loki had been through a lot, but Loki was still his brother, and there was no way he would stand by while he was in trouble. 

 

 

Loki pulled his Angel close, hugging her to his chest and breathing in her scent for as long as he could. The knowledge that he had a true friend who cared enough about him to stay in Hel just to be  _around him_ gave him the strength he needed to stay present and  _alive_. He still couldn't believe Bucky had risked his life by stealing one of Idunn's apples. There were plenty of Asgardians who wouldn't dare. Idunn protected them with a fierceness he had always resented and admired. She only gave them out once each year, and only to those who truly needed their power. Bucky had either been ignorant or incredibly brave. Loki would wager it was the latter. 

Touching her face and kissing her forehead, he backed away. "I love you, Angel. Take care of my boys. Don't... don't let them forget me." 

Fresh tears came to his eyes as he thought of Narfi and Váli, and as he made his way to the doorway, he saw them both standing there. 

"Papa, how could we ever forget you? You're our  _hero_. We both wanted to grow up to be just like you," Váli said, hugging Loki tightly. Narfi nodded as he wrapped his arms around Loki as well. "Now don't let anyone forget about  _us_. And...come back soon. We miss you." 

 

Just as Loki, Bucky, and Sleipnir were about to walk through the gates, Hel stopped them. Bucky thought it was due to the slightly obscene hand signal he'd shot at the giant guarding the gate, but was relieved when Hel smiled. 

"You know, Sleipnir can come here any time he chooses...and he can bring  _things_ ," she looked up innocently. 

Bucky glanced at Loki, not understanding. 

Hel continued, "Letters, gifts, anything you want..." 

Loki's eyes lit up as he looked down at Sleipnir's smug face. "You'd let him do that for me?" 

His daughter took his hand, squeezing it gently. "It's the least I can do, papa. I love you, and I miss you. I think Narfi and Váli would be thrilled to see Sleipnir once in a while, and Angrboða would love to get some letters from you." 

 

 

The journey to Midgard wasn't quite as long as the one from Asgard to Hel, but it was filled with deep conversation. Bucky wanted to know what Loki had seen while he was between life and death, and Loki wanted to know how Bucky had managed to steal one of Idunn's apples. He also wanted to know what could have possibly prompted Bucky to hold a dagger to his own throat. 

"I'm not worth all of that, Bucky. What about Steve? What would he have done?" 

Bucky shrugged. "Steve has lived through my death before. He'd live through it again. He has everything going for him. He's the hero. I'm..." he paused. 

"You're more of a hero than you know." 

It wasn't much, Loki knew, but it was all he could manage at the moment. Somehow he knew that Bucky understood. 

 

As they walked into the tower; Sleipnir trotting along beside Loki, Tony looked around for Thor. 

"Back already?" 

Loki scowled. "Were we not gone long enough for you, Stark?" 

"Well, your brother left this afternoon. He muttered something about you being in trouble, and I  _think_ he went to Asgard. Did he get all that drama with your old man sorted out?" 

"What drama? And he's  _not_   _my_ old man." Loki rolled his eyes dramatically, and Sleipnir snorted. 

"Oh shit. You don't know. That means..." Stark's eyes roamed around as if he was searching for a thought that had absconded. "That means Thor never found you. He went to Asgard looking for you because he thought you were in trouble...but here you are. Now Thor is...  _fuck_. Well, I guess that means  _my_ plan is the one we're going with."

Tony walked toward Loki and placed both hands on Loki's shoulders.

"How would you like to join the Avengers? I'll admit it's sudden, but there's a lot I need to catch you up on. Asgardian drama. That kind of thing. We need to be able to show _the_ old man that you're working with us, not against us," Stark babbled.

"So, what do you say? Are you in? Your kid would be thrilled."

Loki stood gaping at Stark as if he'd lost his mind while Bucky grinned. "Told you." 

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Heimdall had said the trip wouldn't be pleasant, but Thor had underestimated just how unpleasant. The dark energy Heimdall had conjured made Thor feel drained and slightly woozy; two sensations the thunder god wasn't used to. Plus, he now understood exactly why people didn't take the trip to Hel very often. It was dark, incredibly dreary, and far creepier than Thor had ever imagined. He'd heard stories about the river of weapons, but he hadn't thought for one moment the stories were actually real. Now that he was standing at the foot of the bridge, staring up at a giantess who was at least ten times his height, he wished he'd done a bit more research before embarking on this particular journey.

Loki was pacing back and forth in the common room, muttering various expletives he'd heard the Midgardians use when they were highly disturbed. He couldn't believe his brother had been so stupid. Actually, he could. However, he couldn't believe Stark had allowed Thor to leave the tower knowing where Thor was probably going to end up.

"So you're telling me that my strong but brainless brother is likely traveling to Hel at this very moment because he thinks I'm dead?"

“Yes, but the point is, _Odin wants you dead,_ and the only way I can think to protect you from his unearned wrath is for you to join the team. Show him that you’re working with us, not against us.”

 

Loki glared at the metal man. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to throw Stark against the closest wall for allowing his brother to leave, or explain exactly how much danger Thor was in at that very moment. He decided to take a few deep breaths, even though they didn’t soothe him as Banner claimed they would, and do the latter.

“Tony, my daughter is not going to be happy to see my brother. You see, the last time she saw him, he was dragging her out of Asgard on Odin’s orders. Though the thought of him squirming in her mere presence brings me joy that I cannot express to you, I absolutely must insist that we help him. She may kill him.”

 

Bucky had been silent until Loki started talking about going _back_ to Hel, but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer.

“No fucking way, man. You almost died there. You’re _not_ going back.”

 Tony glanced between the two in obvious confusion.

“What do you mean? Was she not happy to see you?”

 Loki glared at Bucky before giving Tony a look that said _we are not discussing this right now_.

 “Of _course_ his daughter was happy to see him! That’s what almost killed him. He’s got two kids there. Two kids and a lost lover. He wanted to stay. _In Hel_ , Tony,” Bucky added for emphasis.

 The scowl on Loki’s face grew darker as Tony gave him a sympathetic nod.

“I’m...sorry, Loki. That must have been difficult. I’m sure Fennie is glad to have you back, though. It didn’t take her long to realize I wasn’t the real you, even after I stole your dirty clothes.”

 

Fennie had crawled up in Loki’s lap the second he and Bucky arrived at the tower, and she’d been sound asleep since then. Tony attributed that to the fact that she hadn’t slept at all the entire time Loki had been gone. After she'd realized Tony wasn't Loki- even though he was wearing Loki's face- she had taken all of her frustrations out on Tony  _and_ Tony's favorite recliner. 

It took Loki a moment to realize what Tony had confessed to, but once he did, he was nothing short of horrified. The very idea of wearing  _his own_ dirty clothing was abhorrent, but the notion of  _Tony_ wearing  _any_ of his clothing was disgusting. He might have to burn everything he owned just to be sure.

“I’m sorry… _what did you say?_ You-- _wore_ my soiled clothing? Norns, Stark, that is…”

“Fucking repulsive, I know,” Tony muttered, “but I did it for her,” he nodded at Fennie. “She was downright pathetic.”

Loki looked at Fennie, who was sleepily purring in his lap, and he had a brand new fondness for Stark. If he'd done something so ghastly just to make her happy, then he must love her. 

"Thank you, Tony. I'm... touched," Loki murmured. 

  


Thor hadn't had much luck convincing the giantess to give him a break, but he did figure out how to get in without actually passing through Hel’s gates. It seemed Mjolnir was useless to him- a sad fact he hadn't been counting on, so he managed to climb what looked to be a rather tall tree before leaping over the wall.

 

“Well, if it isn't my long lost Uncle…”

Thor nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around to face the smooth, silky voice behind him.

 Hel looked quite different than she had as a child. Her hair was matted and her eyes were sunken in. She looked as if she hadn't eaten in at least ten years.

 

“Where's Loki? What have you done with him?” 

Thor wasn't in the mood for a family reunion or long-winded preamble. He just wanted answers. 

“What do you care? If you must know, he's here... Arranging his new home,” Hel’s cackling laugh bounced off of the walls, and she snarled at him.

 

_New home…_

 

“He can't _stay_ here, Hel. You let him go right now! This place is…”

“My _darling_ Uncle Thor, Hel is what you make it,” she purred, brushing the side of his face with her withered hand, “but if you want him to be able to leave, you’ll have to take his place. My dear father is dead.”

Never in Thor's wildest nightmares did he actually believe that Hel would  _want_ Loki dead, even if it meant he would be here with her forever. Evidently, he'd judged her far too optimistically. 

Thor had raised Mjolnir before he realised it would do him no good, and Hel simply laughed harder.

“What good is that thing to you now? What are you going to do, banish me? You may not have been completely responsible for separating me and my brothers from our father when we were young, but you didn’t help us either. You were utterly complacent, which is downright despicable considering how you walk around boasting your love for Loki. You’re a _fraud_.”

 

Thor glanced around. _Everything_ was gray. It was as if the dust and ash from every other realm had settled there. He brushed at his chest plate angrily in an attempt to make it shine as it usually did, to no avail. The thought of spending eternity there was sickening, but the thought of _Loki_ spending eternity there was even worse.

“Tell me what I have to do. I can’t let him stay here.”

Hel smirked, and it sent a thrill of fear down Thor's spine. 

  
Hel had absolutely no use for Thor. He wasn’t her primary goal. Actually, Thor was only the bait for a _much larger_ fish. All she had to do was convince Thor to stay, and the whale would come to  _her_. She wouldn't even have to move...

  


Loki didn’t know what he would tell Tony yet. In fact, until he spoke with Thor, he really had no clue what Odin was actually planning to do to him. Tony had said Odin wanted him dead, but Loki honestly didn’t understand how that sentiment was any different than it had been several days ago, or even several _years_ ago. Odin had never shown him any kindness or regard whatsoever.

As he lay on his bed, stroking Fennie’s fur and trying to find comfort in her soft purr, he imagined what his daughter might do with Thor, but he didn’t think for a moment that she would do him any real harm. Sure, she detested Thor, but she wouldn’t actually kill him. Would she?

“Loki? Can I come in?” Bucky’s voice was quiet, and Loki was slightly shocked that he had asked permission to enter this time around.

“It’s open,” Loki muttered, unsure that he could form many more words than that.

 “I’m sorry I told Tony about what happened. I didn’t mean to- I dunno, give something away. I know how hard it is to be the guy that everyone thinks is unbreakable when you’re really the single most broken person in the room.”

 “S’alright, Buck...I would have told him eventually anyway. I just don’t want it getting back to Fenrir. He would think I didn’t want to stay here with him, and that just isn’t the case. I… I was overwhelmed by everything. Hel, my sons, my Angel… I can’t _believe_ Narfi and Váli are there! I thought I would never lay eyes on them again. I thought they were in Valhalla...and I knew I would never be worthy.”

Bucky started to dispute Loki’s self-deprecating claim, but he stopped himself. Loki had enough to think about without also considering the status of his immortal soul.

“So what are you going to do? I _told_ you Tony would try to recruit you!”

Bucky seemed _excited_ that Loki had the opportunity to become part of the team, and Loki couldn’t understand why. It was an invitation born of pity and concern for his safety, not of admiration for his skills or honor.

“I’m not really a joiner, James. I’m sure you’ve realized that by now. Besides, I would be the _worst_ Avenger ever. The second my son was in any danger, I would stop everything I was doing- including protecting a fellow teammate- to save his life. The entire world could be burning down around us, and I would _save my son_. I missed that opportunity the first time, and I will not be guilty of doing it again.”

  
  
  
Thor felt different. Not _bad_ different. Definitely not. Actually, he felt incredibly peaceful, and he couldn’t remember exactly what he’d been so angry about just moments ago. As he looked around, he realized he must have been teleported somewhere because Hel was suddenly... _nice_. Not Asgard nice, but nice nonetheless. He was just about to start walking around to familiarize himself with this new place when Hel reappeared in front of him.

“You’re smiling now, darling Uncle,” she purred. Even _she_ looked different. Beautiful and elegant, though her body was still... unique. One side of her face was definitely blue while the other was pale white.

Though Thor _felt_ better, it didn’t take him long to remember why he was supposed to be angry.

“Where is my brother?”

Hel smirked, just as her father might have done, and poked his cheek with one long fingernail.

“How should I know? He left hours ago. He and that handsome man he referred to as ‘Bucky’ left with Sleipnir. Norns only know where they’ll end up now,” she said; her smirk growing more menacing.

 

Thor took one more long look around him as the truth began to sink in. Loki hadn’t been in Hel when he’d arrived. He had shown up there thinking he was going to rescue his brother, but now...now, he was dead- trapped in Hel without a prayer of leaving. 

 

 

"Alright, so let's say you don't actually  _join_ the Avengers. But what if you just helped with missions from time to time?" Bucky suggested. "They might need you. I can think of at least three that we could have easily won with your help; one of which did  _not_ go well." 

Just then, Tony appeared at the door, and Loki didn't feel comfortable discussing the situation anymore. 

"Hey, I was just thinking... maybe you should do that thing," he said, making a strange waving motion with his arms. 

Loki narrowed his eyes, not at all sure what Tony was trying to say. 

"What  _thing_ , Stark?" 

"You know...  _the thing,_ " he made another odd motion.

Loki rolled his eyes, looking to Bucky for translation. Bucky drew his eyebrows together for a moment before his eyes widened in understanding. 

"Oh! Duck and cover!" Bucky made the same motion. 

Loki scowled. "Are you  _both_ having some kind of stroke?  _Just tell me what you're talking about this instant, or I swear..._ " 

Bucky leaned over and whispered in his ear, making Loki lean away uncomfortably.

"The magical shield thing. You know, so dad can't see you..." 

"Dear gods, he is  _not_ my father!" Loki bellowed, but he did as the two men were asking, silently acknowledging that it was a smart thing to do. 

 

 

Several hours later, Heimdall searched the cosmos for Loki but could not find him. Odin was standing so close to him, he could feel the All-Father's breath on his shoulder. 

"I sent Thor to retrieve him, yet he  _has not returned_. Where is Thor? What has Loki done with my son?" 

Heimdall could feel Odin's barely contained wrath, but he did not want to tell Odin that he could not find Thor either. Heimdall rarely felt threatened by anyone, but at that moment he knew he was in a very bad situation. 

"All-father, Thor went to Hel...to find Loki...but I cannot see him." 

 

 

 

 

  
  



End file.
